It’s kinda astounding the amount of limiting false beliefs I’ve been lugging around with me my entire life. I recently spoke about how I am not allowed to want anything. And how my unworthiness was a given. I have basically believed all my life that there is something wrong…with everything and me….all the time. It’s the mode from which I operate. I must fix it/me/them in order for life to be “right”. And then my therapist throws in, “What if there’s nothing wrong?”
Oh these pesky therapists!
What I thought about was that helplessness is hard. We’d rather scrabble and scratch, eek out any different outcome than admit that we are where we need to be or, gasp, we have no control. What can you do if you have no power to change something? We can only accept what is. That’s it. Acceptance. And that seems so much harder than changing it? Yes.
What if the fixes and changes we perceive are just the way your world is meant to be. And what it the things you have been leaving alone are exactly the places you need to exert your energy. I do think that we often focus on stuff that distracts us fro our bigger journeys. Our fear disguises tasks as necessary and useful. And we all know if we’d rather pluck our eyeball out than doing it, it probably doesn’t serve anyone, much less ourselves.
I suppose it’s a matter of stepping back, staying still, and having faith more than just barreling along. Being grateful and thoughtful and taking care of that pesky anxiety problem in whatever fashion you can. Because there may be nothing wrong or there may be something that needs fixing but assuming it’s always broken isn’t really any fun anymore.
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