I stumbled recently over a pile of shoulds I was continually building and causing me terrible anxiety. I stopped where I was and shut down all channels of chatter and listened. I knew that the only voice I would trust was the voice of the want. The intentional intuitive voice of my innermost self speaking my truth. Because I was selling her down the river with my shoulds, I’d become a tragic heroine directing and starring in my very own tragedy.
My new motto was “do what makes me happy” because, as my husband says, “If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right”. If the thing that I really want is slightly scary, at least a noble scary zone. I’ll be better off facing that fear of the opportunity that I’ve created than one of a path I think I should go. Can’t get that wasted time back. I want to impress me not you.
And then the funniest idea hit me the other day. All the drama of my life, it was self-created. If you believe that you manifest the life that you think you deserve, then you have created whatever you’ve lived for a long time. I’ve just turned 50 and I’d say a good 30 years of my life have been me writing my part as some tragic heroine. And that made me laugh.
Want to banish the bad? You gotta own your part of it. I still have a hangover that says I’ll always have less than I need. I’ll always have more scarcity and then abundance. And I started to think that if I wanted to actually have abundance instead of scarcity, I’d have to rewrite that script then, wouldn’t I.
So here’s my plan. I’m going to do some creative visualizations. See what I really want in my future and then start to make pictures and focus intent. Create mood boards which have to do with both my physical word and my psyche too. I want to be creative and confident in all realms of my life. And I want to acknowledge when I have made these choices and changes that have benefited me.
So no more tragic heroine. More wants instead of shoulds. Tune in and trust my happy. And play everyday. Be unapologetically me. And we’ll see if I don’t become the happy creative positive heroine instead.
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