After much deep thought and process, I think I know what that “one thing” is Jack Palance’s Curly spoke of in City Slickers, and I referenced in this post about self discoveries. And its way simpler than you’d think. And also kinda hard depending.
I am perpetually in a state of self-doubt. Continually I question is it OK, enough, or alright to be doing this now or that then? Is what I’m doing getting me where I want to go? Do I know where I want to go? Is what I’m doing what I want to be doing and aligning with the self I want to be? Does anyone really care?
Because many of us are busy second guessing everything. We want to control and second guess everything and everyone, including our loved ones, and ourselves constantly. Somehow we got misinformed that being control freaks will quell our perpetual anxieties of the unknown. But I can tell you that after 40 some odd years of doing things this way, I’m lucky I’m not bonkers or driven away all the lovely people around me.
The turning point is when you realize that if you do your best, as you surely always do, then stuff always turns out pretty well. Lack of faith in this concept has you not necessarily doing the best job you can. In fact, you attract what you believe so if you believe your job isn’t good, others believe that and generally you spin your wheels in frustration. I never feel complete and satisfied because I’m always spinning the wheels trying to make it through the perpetual self doubting muck.
When I can say where I am is exactly where I need to be at this moment, then I’m actually allowed to move. Because I know, or have faith, that I have my back for the future. When I agree that I’m doing the best I can right now and allow that to be my truth, that’s when my brain shifts. A door swings open and life begins anew on the right tracks. Starting over again is based on giving myself permission to do just that and let go of all the what ifs and couldas and begin again. A bottomless supply of forgiveness until there’s no need for it anymore.
So here’s the concept : No more fiddly diddly second guessing trying to control every single loving detail of your life and everything around you. You do what you can, the very best that you can, and then sit back knowing the future always takes care of itself. And you are super capable of handling anything you didn’t see coming. I’m pretty sure the secret to a happy life has to do with believing you’ve got what it takes. And if you don’t believe that, and don’t believe that you can ever have that, then it’s time to find people to help you believe this wholeheartedly. No need to spend one more moment of another day perpetuating the belief of “if only you were this or they did that, then things would be…”. Now is actually just as it needs to be, you just need to put on the right glasses to see it.
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