I can have unkind thoughts about myself. How my belly is bloated and my clothing isn’t fitting. My hormones are making me irritable, I’m a yelling Mommy, and I feel lazy about planning my meals. But where I used to decide I sucked at the end of my list for any and all of my observations, I now let them and me be. I am not sucky and unworthy based on the sum of my failings.
The difference between now and then is that I no longer use how I feel as a decision for who I am. My feelings are not facts. I’ve wizened to the fallacies of my former ways. I actually gave myself permission over the holidays to gain the weight back I’d lost. I said I don’t want that fear of weight gain to keep me from enjoying myself. And so it didn’t. I had the intention to gain that weight. So now it is time to give myself permission to lose it. But is not appropriate for me to be mad about it.
My thoughts get to be just thoughts not conclusions. And were I to make a conclusion, it doesn’t have to always land at the place where I am faulty. I’m smarter now. And my faith in myself is strong enough to withstand the little fearful brain storms. I’ve fought long and hard to gain a confidence I’ve never had, until now. I trust I have my back for the first time in my life. Heck if I’m going to have meandering thoughts derail my good vibe train. It’s my brain to ride wherever I choose to ride it. And I’m headed to happier places than those sucky stops I was stranded in.
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