We Are Scared of Our Own Power to Choose

The most empowering and terrifying thought you can have is that it’s all up to you. You’re the master of your destiny, your own life chef, the navigator, the choice maker. And there’s just no other option. Sorry. Why are we so scared of our own power to choose?

I spoke with some people the other day about the shift in the value and the validity of religion in people’s lives. Many people are wandering away from what they were raised with but when they find a new place, they may not stay long because they do not find the element that tethers them. I think that we detested being told what to do and believe and yet it is ultimately what we are looking for in the absence of the permission to tell ourselves. Religion was a recipe and it’s hard to see ourselves as the re-creators of that.

Choices, be they religious preference, family size, or the type of car we drive, are what we have the privilege of enjoying here in America. Yet I think that for as much as we would give our lives to have these choices, we are terrified to truly make them. The thought of varying our paths from those we are expected to follow. Or doing something that would cause us to be the center of uncomfortable attention in our community. These freak us out, make us panic, and cause us anxiety to consider.

We understand from a small age that to rock the conformity boat is to risk peril and being outcast. Better to conform. But in doing so, we can never trust ourselves again and are caught in a perpetual loop of anxiety and mistrust of ourselves and our world. The same world that we so revere our freedom in. Ironic.

Each of us has the freedom to follow our own paths to what we consider freedom and happiness. So what holds us back? What do we choose automatically every day instead of making empowered changes? Being American says we can choose so why do we think that means to keep buying things? What does freedom mean to you? Now go grab a hunk of it. 

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

It Was (Only) Emotional Abuse

I used to think that things weren’t as bad off in my first marriage as so many other scary marriages. I only suffered emotional abuse. Only. Until I realized that living with emotional abuse is not an Only.

Maybe it was my way of coping or staying there by dumbing it down and trivializing it. But living inside the ugly bubble of anger and despair, bullying and cruelty was the darkest place I’ve ever lived. And those bruises on my soul? They were black and self-induced. Because I chose it.

It was not Ok then and although I’m OK now, it’s still not OK. Does it have to be OK? I guess if I didn’t want to be embarrassed for being abused then I should keep it quiet. Because I did choose it after all. It was the bed I made to sleep in. Wait, when are the victims to blame? Never.

When we feel empowered to make a choice based on knowing our own worth then we are acting on our own behalf. I can tell you I still battle with self-worth and choice. But I’m doing so very much better. My life now is very very different from then. It is gentle and hopeful. It feels safe and sane.

One last note, with the emotionally abused, there’s never a reprieve. Whereas in physically abusive situations, there’s often a honeymoon period when the abuser is remorseful and there’s a lull before it starts again, with emotional abuse, it’s 24/7 and 365 days a year. It can wear you down to a thin person on the inside.

By telling my story, I hope to convey that feeling bad about yourself and making bad choices doesn’t make you a lesser human being or any less worthy of compassion. Feeling bad about yourself just means that you need to figure out your own way to feeling better. Your potential and your value and your worthiness of happiness are equal to every other person’s on the planet.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Process and the Presence will Release You

There’s a lie we seem to like to tell ourselves, probably one that others sold us on once. That to be the best us, we need to have arrived somewhere. A set of circumstances needs to be in place, be that an amount of money or success or a certain weight. And we will be OK when this is set, and not until then. We’ve replaced process with destination.

I am reminded of my bedtime ritual as a kid. There were two alligators and a fox under my bed and only when I had on my clean underwear and then my PJs on was I safe from them. Except it was all a construct of my imagination. And when we’re all grown up, we are certain that those goals  are all adult and on the up and up. And so are the feelings of anxiety because we haven’t reached them. They are most certainly reliable indications that we need to work harder to achieve these things.

So like rats on a treadmill, we exhaust ourselves in the pursuit of enough. When there really is only one now that we can live while our fears play us for the fear junkies that we are.

We have forgotten the importance of process. That it is through finding out what we are and what we truly need to be complete (hint: not anything we can get at Wal-Mart) that we’ll find we are home with ourselves and no longer scrabbling for the unobtainable “enough”.

Allow for your process. In fact, thank the process when it messes your plans up. It’s trying to show you a better path. Ask yourself, what am I to learn from this detour and then learn it. As you collect your gleaned tidbits, your lessons, your insights, and your grief, you can be proud of you going forward. Because that messiness is exactly how you become a better you. The rinse and repeat of the daily anxiety dance will get you more of the same scared life. And the presence of mind to learn from yourself now will release you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Live in The Chaotic Moment (Now is all you Have)

This was several days ago looking into my kitchen. I grabbed the moment and my perspective through my camera. The recycling had already been taken to the dump yet a pile awaited its shuffle into the very frigid garage. The counters and stove were covered in grease and crumbs and dirty dishes. The groceries yet to be unpacked. Complete chaos.

And having used up all of my leftovers and depleted my grocery supply, I did a fruits,veggies, and milk shop (a woman at the store exclaimed that all she wanted now was a salad!). I went ahead and made pots of both turkey chili and beef stew for our New Year’s Eve nosh. They were made with such love and they’re just delicious. I think I was glad to be alone in the kitchen without demand to entertain or command to play.

Today, instead of feeling like I have to rush to usher my crispy tree out to the curb and clean my house to within an inch of my life, I am of a stealth mind instead. That’s how I got through the holidays so deftly as well. And this is how it’s done.

You keep putting one foot in front of the other. You don’t rush off to the future or the meaning of life with or without this task done. You hold a steady gaze on what you need and what needs to be done to receive that gift of accomplishment and you continue. Because you do get there eventually, don’t you?

Playing the overwhelm card never served my happier self, only my anxious self. Emotional maturity means you step back and renovate your ways one moment and one thought choice at a time. So this is me re-choosing my process. Sure my house is a filthy mess but who cares? We are having fun!

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Plans and Choices Are Yours to Make

When I became a new Mom, I perfected part of my system of finding hope by making plans. I would go to the library and collect books on whatever my questioned subject was. And then I would read and read and read. I’d grab some knowledge tidbit from these books and make a plan to use it. This would give me hope to change the outcome I’d been enduring, (think baby perpetually waking at 3 am or continuing to stand up in crib instead of falling asleep) and get me through the days better by fighting my anxiety with an action plan. My confidence was still wobbly but, armed with more knowledge, I believed I had the power to solve my problem.

There is no one right way to do self-development. We are all unique and our needs are different for each. Sure we may all benefit from some of the same skill-building exercises but our journeys and life recipes for success are so specific to us, we can not follow anyone’s path but our own.

Our paths and the choices we make to create them are unique and specific to us. No one but you can tell you what this looks like. You need to tell you. As scary as that is, it’s also liberating. We have the right , the freedom, and the obligation to create our own paths using our own intuitions. Our intuition tells us what we need to know and learn next. And the largest trick, after admitting we’re the ones controlling our lives and our futures, is tuning into our intuitions and hearing what they say.

But if we listen hard enough, we can hear hope and excitement burbling up out of our souls. When we engage in pursuing our curiosity and our passions, we discover the ideas and the plans that will be the choices that work for us.

I believe it’s never too late to start listening to ourselves. To give the credibility of choices to our inner child to decide a direction of joy for us to pursue even part-time is a balloon for your soul. My wise husband says, “If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right.” And I want to say that definitely applies to your life as a whole. So follow your inklings and twinklings and see where they take you. And listen to everyone who makes sense until they stop. And to yourself when you start.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.