This December delivered some sucker punches and I found myself with a busted hope bubble in the last week of the year. I was numb. Didn’t want to feel bad anymore. I doubted that my path was clear anymore. Or that I even had the energy to lift my feet up to continue trudging down said path.
I doubt even the happiest most positive soul in the world hasn’t bent their nose on a wobbly life moment or two. And so I assumed that it was me making a choice of perception, like staring at myself in the mirror for too long and seeing only ugliness instead of beauty, that was distorting my outlook.
For a couple of years now, I’ve been to choosing a word of the year. Because that’s a thing online people do. And it’s kinda clarifying and grounding.
I had to check with my blog to remember what my previous words of the year were. And when I did, and read what I had written, I began the climb back out of my hole. I write well I thought. I feel inspired by myself when I read what I’ve written. Why does that surprise me?
2014 was the first year for a “word of the year”. You choose one to inspire you, to navigate by, to meditate with by what your feeling is important to accomplish or heal or work on. That year it was Edit. See the post here where I say “the potential for progress for me lies in my focusing on what needs to happen next”. I have a very busy brain that is continually dumping ideas onto my path. I’d say I could still use a reminder of some editing these days. I could use to edit my focus to keep my eyes on the prize and not be distracted by the overwhelming larger picture. Crop the picture. Do the work. Repeat.
For 2015, I had picked my words earlier in November of 2014 . The post was about scarcity and recognizing Abundance and Opportunity. But another word wanted to join the party two months later and I gladly let it in. That extra word was Permission. As in, every time I get stuck, I find I’m secretly thinking I’m not allowed to do this or go here or achieve this. The Fear Mother thinks she’s keeping me safe. Great post.
For the word picking this year, there’s an online movement and process to find your word hosted by Susannah Conway. I adore people who lead so fearlessly. They are necessary. And then I thought, I don’t have time to work on all that now. I need to think really hard. And so I did. I mused the concept of letting go and got the words resignation and surrender. I thought about the butterfly symbol I’ve adopted and thought about expand and fly above. And even mused create but that seemed too general. And then I remembered the word that I spoke of not too long ago : Ease. And I found my word.
The butterfly frees itself from the cocoon and soars above the crawling heap of caterpillars to the top of the mountain. I need to do my thing and release my soul so that I may create what I need and perhaps inspire others by my actions. Or not. I can only be responsible for my creativity. And that needs to have release. And none of that needs to be hard. That when you do your creative work it’s easy because it’s yours.
I realized however that my word Release needs a helper. If release is my what, I needed a how. And that is :
I have been perpetually reminded recently that all shifts and choices in my life are mine to make. I have the power to choose how I live, perceive my life, and pursue my future. All mine and the only thing that dictates my direction is my perspective. It’s my choice as to whether I’m in the plus column or the negative column this year. My choice to see what’s going on in my life as heinous or a blessing. Perspective is soooo big. And holds the key to allowing for release of my angst, my overachieving standards, my angst and allowing for ease. Release and perspective, the what and the how.
(On a side note, it would seem that the book Hope For Flowers is exactly the book that I realize I believe wholeheartedly in. That we all need to find what is glorious in ourselves by following our intuition instead of crawling on the caterpillar pillars on top of everyone else. Rechecking it out to read to my daughter soon. Read Tom’s review in the community reviews, third one down.)
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