I came back from delivering my first born to his collegiate destination and I felt good. I had done this job, my job as well as I could. I stayed high on it for several days as I poured my energy back into my clearing and decluttering for my 100-day project that isn’t even halfway done. And then I hit a wall.
I felt suddenly overwhelmed somewhat with all the things I saw that needed doing, but more from having all this extra time to devote to doing so. I wrote, “I feel the space, this space that I craved for so very long and I don’t know how to entirely embrace it”. Later, “Maybe I’m drowning in all this potential time and space.”
As I clear out my spaces in my house, there are many shoulds that cling to these objects I’m driving away to their future homes.
Has my life become about shoulds?
I thought, have all those dry erase scribbles on my dry erase board now become obsolete and are now shoulds?
It’s been terribly Ugly Hot here and so I cannot stand wandering too far outside for too long. I did a bunch of errands yesterday, but I had only enough oomph to do laundry today.
And I wrote a bunch. Because a wise friend reminded me when I said I was “looking for a way back to my writing.” She said, “And the beautiful thing is it’s always there, waiting for us”. I said, “it is tho”. This is one enormous self-care practice that I forget about until I miss two blog posts in a row.
I had to remind myself of my better go to self-care practices which I’m not practicing. I await the weather to chill out to resume my running and/or leave the house at all so no regular exercise. Haven’t been in the mood to replace this exercise routine but I certainly could.
I’m not currently reading a book. I can try to remedy that.
I enjoy connection with my people and those plans are planned.
And I can see how when we forget about these lovely self-care possibilities, we may rely on other coping mechanisms. Enter the extra wine/weight. Social media overuse.
And then my brain screamed, “Hey! What about the ‘once a day showing up for a purposeful creative activity’ magic? Why am I not doing that?” I’m currently involved in a more casual 100 Day Project #100Daysoflettinggoofpastshite” and felt a slow and steady effort might be just enough for me.
And why am I not reveling in the daily wonder and pleasure of my extreme privilege? To be here where I am in my life experiencing the luxury of choices is immense. Am I playing it down out of guilt for having this life?
So, there is much to consider and decide. And I’ll keep writing about what I think and feel because it is one of my go to self-care methods.
PS. Liz Gilbert has a new weekly newsletter called Letters from Love where she will be “speaking on the sacred and simple practice of learning how to speak and write to ourselves from a place of love and kindness.” She has practiced this a for a long time. Video link is here.
As has Jane Reeves, aka Radiant Jane Retreat Creator, Author of A Heart of Gold and a soul I am proud to have been seen by.
As always, thank you for your visit!
