Last week was like a test week for me, not that all the weeks haven’t tested me but it felt most certainly that way. I’ve just been unable to get enough separate time and that starts to eat away at my personality. I was feeling wobbly and sad last week. We had moment after moment of upset with the kids and I began to leak hope.
And then a woman on Instagram wrote that she now understood what the word “Listless” meant. I am without focus for myself. I have been so bust throughout this “crisis” making sure everyone else has been OK and taken care of that I just ran out of myself. An author named Anniki Sommerville wrote a book called Motherwhelmed which looks to be a funny and empowering read on the feelings of worthlessness that often accompany motherhood.
Towards my recovering and restoring myself, last week I dyed my roots and cut my bangs. And repainted my toenails. However, what I need is to truly demand more time being alone. That’s what energizes me. And reinstate my favorite boundary establishing phrase, “I’m sorry that you feel that way but I have to do this for me”. Used that to break up with the “boyfriend that wouldn’t leave”. I have also signed up for a week of a meditational exercise with Michelle GD that includes list making called Just Five Things. Looking forward to creating a new perspective and a new community.
The hardest part is to suspend the self-judgement. I need to start my exercise regiment back and that’s going to be inspired by the new running shoes that I ordered. One day at a time. That is how my 100 day project is progressing. And that is how we will get out of this 2020 debacle of pandemic craziness. Thoughtfully. Carefully. Determined.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.