I used to pretend like everything was OK. I didn’t know what OK felt like so pretending was the only thing I could do. And gradually I came to understand love and myself and got medicated and things got better. But there’s always the inevitable stumble.

This month I thought I’d try a different anti-depressant and see if it would get rid of the side effects of weight gain and loss of libido I’d realized I’d had been suffering. It seemed a good idea at the time. 

In two weeks, I was no longer my even keel self. I wanted to cry for the Ukrainian stray dogs and yell at my daughter. Neither of these actions I had any need to do before.  I was having hot flashes, itchy feet, and my constipation had worsened as my frustrations became bigger and heavier.

I was not feeling myself.

And just to make sure I was paying attention; the Universe threw another couple curve balls at me. My daughter wanted to be grumpy about her beautiful life. My closet bar fell. I shut my finger in a door. The vision I had for my blog was thwarted. And then my refrigerator began to make a horrible sound.Calling the Shame to the Table on Shalavee.com

Life happens all at once.

At times like this, I want to feel like it will all work out. Go back to telling myself it’s all good. But when you are in the middle of it, you aren’t sure that belief is going to manifest the results you want. And back then, I knew things would never work out. These days I think they might.

I often say it’s a good thing you don’t know what’s coming or you’d freak out. It’s bad enough when it happens. But I also think that if you are surrounded by people who support you and you have a couple good self-care tricks up your sleeve, you can weather the life squalls.

It all plays out in the ways it’s meant to. My closet is cleaner now. I’m going to help my daughter work on a gratitude practice. And I’m buying a three year warranty for the Frigidaire which has bad reviews I never saw.

What happened to you this week and what are you doing to set it right?


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