I wanted to title this, I Should Love Myself More. But I decided that loving myself at any level, much more to the more, was a necessary thing. I can say that I like myself. But I can not say I love myself today. I have said I love you recently to myself. But why did that disappear?
Self-love is as necessary as breathing. And yet we aren’t taught how to do this very well. We are taught how to hold ourselves to impossible standards and berate ourselves perpetually sure we don’t meet these standards. But the importance of self-love seemed to slip our parents’ teaching priorities.
How do you build this love? How do you right this wrong for your inner child so you can balance all the other love relationships you have in the world? Did it all come from your translation of your worthiness to be loved when you were little? Yup. You have to override all the previous decisions you’ve made about your worth and find yourself worthy of your love as well as the world’s. Have to.
You can’t take a compliment if you don’t believe it to be true. You’ll ungraciously blow it off instead. So how do you accept love from others if you feel unworthy? Are you then suspicious of them because you can’t imagine what they are doing loving a worthless human like you? The unworthiness is like some sort of soul plague that I can’t shake.
So this is me doing everything I can to shake it up. I bring the real me to therapy every month. I asked for medication to help with that angsty whine that clogged my brain from thinking clearly. I put myself to creative challenges yearly. I host meet-ups with women to talk about real stuff and be witnessed. And I am about to ask to for some EMDR therapy for some of the trauma I have endured.
Doing whatever it takes to bring me to a place where I am self-loving and compassionate. Because somehow I still have always known I am worth the work.
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