So I signed up to give a talk on the Inverse Relationship Between Creativity and Anxiety at my UU church this month. One of my learned life hacks is that if I need to do something, I just need to give my word to someone and I’ll do it. (I told one person I would sing an acapella song I had written at my wedding and so I did it. )And this public speech I gave was just a means to getting me to pen my theory.

I needed to get myself through it. I knew it wasn’t going to be perfect, ever, but I needed to do it anyway. And so I stopped and wrote these:

Reasons that I Need Not Feel Afraid to do This Speech

  • Once I say it out loud, I’ll have heard myself say it out loud
  • It will give substance, validity to my thoughts and my theory itself
  • I am being visible and vulnerable for all the women who don’t feel they can
  • I am a role model, a leader, and an ambassador to creativity
  • The words I have written are well said, no matter how I rearrange them and edited them
How I Survived the Speech on shalavee-staging-1.local

Plus the fact that the following day, I was scheduled for a slightly scary medical procedure involving multiple needles in my backside. So it couldn’t top that for ouchiness.

So that when I went in to give the speech, I just smiled a lot. And I sped up like we all do when giving a speech. Worse yet, someone asked me to slow down. Yikes. But I still felt whole for having gotten there and delivered my thoughts. I was grateful for the opportunity to advance my theory.

Sometimes the Thing isn’t really the thing. We have to be smart and brave enough to get through the scary moments so that we can celebrate the bigger wins later. Because courage is being afraid and doing it anyway, proving you can, and finding out you won’t die in the process.

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