My thinking brain understands that you conceptually can do anything you put your mind to. I had a Guinness Book of World Records as a kid. I know what the people of the world can get up to when they put their minds to stuff. But what I thought the other day shocked me. I said “I can” to myself and, after a moment to consider the validity of this statement, I found out that I could.
Less than a year ago, if you asked if I could do such and such, I’d say I don’t know how. I’d tell you I don’t have the knowledge, the resources, or the confidence to make that happen. I can’t, I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t. So it felt like a miracle when this past week, I suddenly heard myself say “I can”.
Three years ago, it took a lot of convincing from the then president of the Eastern Shore Writers Association Mr. Jerry, to get me to say yes to teaching the blogging workshop. I really didn’t have the confidence to say “Yes I can”. But I borrowed his confidence in me and I pulled that workshop off and made cinnamon rolls to boot.
A slow and steady intentional program to build my self-esteem has been in place for these three years. I got a therapist who supports me, cheers me on, and understands how I think. I have intentionally taken risks, put myself to online picture and creative challenges, and created relationships and connections with people all over the world. And I’ve continued to write myself through it all.
” It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”
-The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo –
Not only have my anxieties disappeared, but I truly am (mostly) no longer searching for outside acknowledgement and approval. Perhaps because I know I’ll get it from me now. I am (mostly) no longer searching for reasons to doubt, dislike, or invalidate myself. And without all that stuff jumping on my back and dragging me down, I am now feeling like I can.
Trust in myself is the number one factor that has allowed me to move from the “I can’t” place to the “I can” place. And that relationship I now have is independent of my perception of other’s opinions of me. It is about what I know I’m capable of and what I may be able to stretch myself to do. I can’t wait to see what I can do next.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.