Today I realized that gratitude grounds me after I fly out of my bounds. Because yesterday was a great day until it wasn’t. I made what felt like a fatal mistake and deleted about 80 posts on my blog out of ignorance, or perhaps it was unconscious self-sabotage. Either way, they were gone and as I tried to right my wrong, I reached out to my community for their support. And they showed up for me.
Gratitude is now what I’m feeling for both the restoration of my posts and the outpouring of love and kindness from my people, many of which I have never met face to face. And my lesson today is about allowing others to support me. That typically I don’t have anything too terrible going on. There’s a general feeling of everything’s OK. But this lack of vulnerability doesn’t allow me to be visible and leaves me disconnected from the community that I’ve created.
Perhaps all the vulnerability I pour into blog posts about Shame and Paying it Forward (brought tears to my eyes to read these and know they were not lost) seems like I am vulnerable enough. But I suspect that this is then the excuse to not come out in other ways. I am hiding in plain site. I am a hypocrite if I tout community as being the best thing since sliced bread but then hide from it.
After much reading and listening and understanding, I know that each of us needs to be valued in our communities for who we are and what we bring to share there. Our talents and who we like to be need to be appreciated by our people. And if we aren’t sincere about who we are, we can not experience that feeling of being known. We are keeping ourselves from the salvation of acceptance. Of belonging.
So there’s one lesson I need to take to heart and apply from the blog snaffu of 2018. Will there be more, I have no doubt. And I’ll share them with my community as soon as I realize what they are.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.