Last year, I chose the word Trust as my word of the year for 2018. I wanted to trust the world, my process, and myself. But I’ve found that just because I want something to be a certain way doesn’t mean that I am inspired by telling myself it has to be that way. In fact, I’ve found that it can work quite the opposite way for me. If you tell me to do it, I’m not necessarily going to do it. Our inner punks are like that.
So the well meant word of the year didn’t inspire me to trust myself anymore. I think I just didn’t know how to weave it’s lesson into my world well enough yet. At one point I flat out forgot what the word was even after I had used it to prompt my ICAD art. Again, fear can make you forgetful when it wants to keep you safe.
So I took a walk this morning, just as I had on the day I chose Trust, and had a dialogue with myself about what I might want my word to be for the upcoming year. And after much debate and many bantered about words including Permit and Create, I decided on Focus.
I absolutely know that when I focus, stuff happens. It seems the operative word for Proactivity. I am capable of doing great things. I have come to understand that once I allow myself to focus, these great things happen. The reason they don’t happen is not a lack of ability on my part but a fear based lack of focus that makes it look like I can’t. Aha!
Focus looks like designated time for my tasks, scheduling even small stuff so that I feel the momentum and the certainty that “I can”. Focus looks like sitting down with a task and working through the fear-storm. Focus looks like ridding myself of all obligations and distractions to hedge my bets for success.
And of course, focus rhymes with hocus and pocus and I kinda like that concept especially at this time of the year. Perhaps there’s a little magic in the word focus after all.
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Focus may become my word, too!