A redefinition of me means finding out what I am not. I am not 25. Haven’t been for a while.

Resigned to my limitations, I have permission to become someone I want to be instead of someone I can’t be.

I begin to see my power disguised in what I can’t and won’t do. Frankly, it’s been a lot of work being a sex kitten.

If I judge myself with the eyes of the 25 year old me, I disregard all my learnings and earnings getting here. Being called Mom doesn’t always actually suck. Can’t vouch for my son’s take on this but he’d probably agree.

I can only look to the future for the changes I’ll be proud of. They’re the only changes I’ll be able to make.

I revel in these choices, the ones I can make. The ones I couldn’t make, like who my parents weren’t and what their genetics did to me, certainly can be seen to mean something more. But they still are what they are.

I am what I am and daily, I find the beauty and humor in just being me… here… now. “Sometimes that’s all we have”, said the friend who fell out of my life.

2 Comments

  1. Oh, my god! I love this page. I miss you girlfriend. My life, working and soon working and go to school, is beginning to settle in. I would love to get together with you.

    I am so proud of you for doing the blog. I will go back and read the rest of them. But for now, GET READY FOR WORK OR YOU WILL BE LATE!! Love you

  2. Julie Buchness Reply

    It is late, and I don’t have anything intelligent to say, but just wanted to give you my support on your blog. I have thought about you many times over the years, and your strength was always foremost in my mind. I am glad you are writing and exploring all things soulful.

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