I am extraordinarily lucky to have made connections with so many talented passionate smart women online. And the camaraderie and supportiveness sorta blows your mind. Until you step into it and become as much of a part of it as it is becoming a part of you. Remember my Tend and Befriend post? We do this naturally and it helps us immensely with our mental health. I’m living proof of that.

Chessie and Crackers on the stairs on Shalavee.com

So there was a young gal who I adore who asked for some support. That is something I like to do but it’s also something that everyone gives whether asked or not. So in this situation I said that I had some thoughts on the subject and if she’d like them, I’d be glad to hand them over. And she did so I did. Here they are.

Hello Dear Friend,

Creatives like us know creatives like us. We’d ignore our own needs and obvious thoughts but we recognize familiar thoughts in others. And you had put out a post that contained a shotgun blast of worry. And there was something so “I know” about what you said but with so much advice and support flying back at you, I didn’t want to add to the chaos. But I think it may be good for me to hear what I have to say, own my own ways, and smooth out the path to help move through it.

I make things really hard. Often. I add more tasks and more limitations and rules and parameters that everything gets really hard suddenly. My word of the past month was Ease. Because that’s the opposite of hard. As in, I pile lots of deadlines and expectations and perfections up high until something’s bound to tumble off and then make me feel crappy.

I felt your worry about being out of school and what’s next. The ‘have to knows’ and the ‘yes buts’ and the ‘what ifs’ and the necessities of your specific expected existence all came crashing out of your brain and collapsed all the joy you may have had in your heart. Boom. And it felt familiar. Parameters and constraints. You are a vegetarian but haven’t the resources to do that well. And you need to make so much money but don’t know how. The job must be this but not that and here but not there. And I know I’ve done this too.

The poo sandwich keeps getting bigger and you feel helpless and no wonder. The enormous monstrosity that is perfectionism and fear will slam you to your knees and leave you without hope or talent or strength. I’ve done this all of my life. I’d like to disembark from the worry hurry train please. I want to get off at the stop marked Faith and Winging It. Shove past the musts and step down onto the platform of the peaceful station of Right Now. Do your best and let go of the rest. Because stuff changes so quickly and all you have to really rely on is the fact that you’ve done all this before and it always works out. You always come up with resources and leads and places to live and things to eat. Always.

I hope you are well and have had something break since that post. And I hope you find something helpful in this letter as I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to write it. It very well may become a blog post. And hey, congratulations on starting that blog back up. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made as I have had to hone my craft continuously because of it. If only I could type.

Love to you,


Chessie and Crackers on the stairs on Shalavee.com

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