Again, motherhood had muddled my mind. Nap-time was upon me and again, I had a vague notion that I could be and desperately needed to be, accomplishing something, anything. Now if I could only find that list I made of all those tasks I really needed to finish doing instead of chasing my tail. Because that paralysis had set in. Again.
Those lists are made. I’m a fine list maker. And then they stick around out on a table and next to my chair for a while until their presence becomes menacing, a reminder of the childcare that’s not in place for that date for the thing I want to do but can’t. And so I stick it in “that” folder. And out of sight, out of mind. What list? What folder?
And I’m then thinking, am I as un-together as I think I am or do I just have too many expectations and desires about how I want to move my life onwards? Because keeping the babies alive and fed and napped and entertained without ignoring them into negligence is a very time-consuming task. Or is it my process that needs revamping? I think it’s both.
All those Apps and programs and gizmos and lists are only as good as the habit you’ve created to use them. There are only so many hours in the day and not all of them are your top energy packed productive hours. If you have only kids in school, you are already lucky enough. But with little ones still at home, you just have to develop systems and get help to care for them if you want to gain ground instead of just hold it.
Sometimes I get the overwhelming feeling that if I can just write it all down. I mean ALL down and get it out of my head, I will feel less agitated. Include all the tasks I want to accomplish, cleaning musts, thank you notes, shopping, meals, stuff I wished I’d said, courses I want to take, ideas for next Christmas, cobweb I spotted in the hallway, thoughts on spiritual enlightenment, books to read, day-trips to take, reasons for breaking up with my hairdresser, and marketing ideas for my yet unspoken business idea. To name a few examples of what happens at any given time in my busy brain.
For me, the biggest roadblock is often, “I don’t have the funds”. “I can’t because” is a good indicator of the things you are afraid of and not the state of your bank account. And provided my lists are in plain sight, sometimes just sitting with my pile of lists, papers, folders, notebooks, and journals and looking at them and a calendar and a blank piece of paper can inspire me to create new goals and revamp old ones.
The trick is to know when the overwhelmed feeling that causes you continuous paralysis is hurting you. If you aren’t proud of the choices you are making, make different ones. If it’s a matter of depression, perhaps postpartum or losing someone close, seek help, be a good parent to yourself and move yourself on over the bump. Have compassion and be kind but do something even if it’s wrong, as my husband’s fond of saying. Keep at your habit changing and task mastering methods until you find one that works.
And do as much as you possibly can to plan out everything in your way. Set a date on a calendar to go through your closets for the big yard sale. (That was yesterday and today. Some progress was made.) Take 15 minutes to go to recipe sites and make up a menu for your week. You can change it but you’ll have something to change. Or go ahead and plan the date with friends and loved ones to celebrate your ties. Plan it and put it on the calendar because the day eventually comes, you enjoy the heck out of yourself, and wonder why you didn’t plan this sooner?
I feel immensely pepped up, how about you? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not uber-organized Simple Mom Super blogger but a little will go a long way. Check off blog post. Next?