I can hear myself saying more more more, not enough. The house is never clean enough, fixed enough, or redecorated enough. My body is not thin or young or tan enough. My efforts to succeed as a writer, blogger, online maker are not ever enough. And so every day I come up short and scared. If I am not enough, I am plain afraid you’ll find out.
I have lived my life at a deficit for years. All of those thoughts have been real and gone through my head. The standards by which I am comparing myself to are randomly based on an American ideal. The successful outcome will guarantee my happiness for the rest of my life. Except it will be the rest of my life I squander being unhappily fearfully not enough.
I certainly come from a fearful scarcity mindset. Like the Great Depression settled into my family’s bones, it is a ghost in my nursery that I can’t shake. Always be ready for the worst. Hold tightly to what you’ve got. “You will always never have enough and knowing that will keep you wise” kinda stuff. I spoke of this phenomenon a year ago and The Unqualified Enoughs are a cruel trap no one should have to endure.
But while I live that anxious lifestyle, I’m missing moments just to relax with my world, my children, my bounty, my luck, and appreciate it. I can not see what’s in front of me for searching the future for more. If I am to stop living the anxiety riddled life of scarcity, I’m going to have to refocus my lens on my today. And it’s going to have to be enough.
Fierce gratitude is necessary to accomplish this I think. Thank your maker, your world, and everyone in it for everything. Give thanks at your meals for the food that passed through all those hands to get to you. Be thankful for the trees that give you air to breath. Be thankful to your parents and your grandparents for getting frisky and begetting you so that you could have your own beautiful children. And write it all down everyday until you really start to know that you have enough every day. And then start looking to put more love and light and wonder in your life. Because that’s where the abundance enters the picture. Or maybe just the Enough for now feeling. I’m good with that.
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