Self Discoveries

My emergence from October’s rough seas was Venus-like with a clearer vision of lovely me. Full of gratitude and clarity, November was my month to “get it”. Do you remember the scene from City Slickers where the old cowboy Curly (Jack Palance) is telling Billy Crystal’s character that all he needs to do is find that one thing ? He then dies and we’re all left to wonder, what was it.

I found a chunk of “it” inside me that makes sense of me in the ‘outside of my brain’ world. It is Creativity with a capital ‘C’.  I need to create daily I declared. And so far, it’s been working out pretty well.

November was also the month I chose Abundance and Opportunity for my two new focus words. And when you focus on something, as I understand it, it manifests in your life because it has to. And then you have days like this. So the lessons I was learning about myself pertain to these words because that is where I wanted to show up and learn about myself.

First, with a quick intro to enneagrams,  I learned that I’m the kind of person to create and build up wonderful stuff full of potential. And then walk away from it just when it was getting ready to be the very thing that needed to happen to move me on. Because I get distracted or don’t value what I’ve made? I dunno. My life feels like it’s never taken off in the right direction. Just a bunch of stalls. But now I have begun to see all the parts that lay around me that could all be considered both abundance and opportunity. I’ve been overwhelmed by my abundance and didn’t value what I had. “It’s not getting what you want,” sings Sheryl Crow, “It’s wanting what you’ve got.”

Then, in a conversation with my counselor, I also realized that I make situations harder than they need to be. “Why do you think I do that?” I ask. “Because it’s all you’ve ever known” she says. So simple. I make things hard. So I have made a conscious effort to make things simpler. And noticing the difference in the stress level when stuff doesn’t have to be so… perfect, cooked from scratch, or clean. And that my child doesn’t have to have every meal be well-balanced and an Elmo episode, or two, is good for both of us.

Putting the equation together in a daily practice suddenly became easier too. Thanks to inspiration from Jane Barry of That Curious Love of Green who said make the time for your stuff a priority and when you prioritize your creative time, everything else will end up getting done anyway. And thanks to a weird faith that has started to form around my understanding of my ability to pull off whatever I put my mind to, I’m making things happen. And that keeps me jazzed up enough to move on to the next challenge and perhaps a few more self discoveries. And sometimes I do it so quickly I don’t have anytime to pause. A rolling stone gathers no moss. But I really like moss so that’s OK too.

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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.