Self Discoveries
My emergence from October’s rough seas was Venus-like with a clearer vision of lovely me. Full of gratitude and clarity, November was my month to “get it”. Do you remember the scene from City Slickers where the old cowboy Curly (Jack Palance) is telling Billy Crystal’s character that all he needs to do is find that one thing ? He then dies and we’re all left to wonder, what was it.
I found a chunk of “it” inside me that makes sense of me in the ‘outside of my brain’ world. It is Creativity with a capital ‘C’. I need to create daily I declared. And so far, it’s been working out pretty well.
November was also the month I chose Abundance and Opportunity for my two new focus words. And when you focus on something, as I understand it, it manifests in your life because it has to. And then you have days like this. So the lessons I was learning about myself pertain to these words because that is where I wanted to show up and learn about myself.
First, with a quick intro to enneagrams, I learned that I’m the kind of person to create and build up wonderful stuff full of potential. And then walk away from it just when it was getting ready to be the very thing that needed to happen to move me on. Because I get distracted or don’t value what I’ve made? I dunno. My life feels like it’s never taken off in the right direction. Just a bunch of stalls. But now I have begun to see all the parts that lay around me that could all be considered both abundance and opportunity. I’ve been overwhelmed by my abundance and didn’t value what I had. “It’s not getting what you want,” sings Sheryl Crow, “It’s wanting what you’ve got.”
Then, in a conversation with my counselor, I also realized that I make situations harder than they need to be. “Why do you think I do that?” I ask. “Because it’s all you’ve ever known” she says. So simple. I make things hard. So I have made a conscious effort to make things simpler. And noticing the difference in the stress level when stuff doesn’t have to be so… perfect, cooked from scratch, or clean. And that my child doesn’t have to have every meal be well-balanced and an Elmo episode, or two, is good for both of us.
Putting the equation together in a daily practice suddenly became easier too. Thanks to inspiration from Jane Barry of That Curious Love of Green who said make the time for your stuff a priority and when you prioritize your creative time, everything else will end up getting done anyway. And thanks to a weird faith that has started to form around my understanding of my ability to pull off whatever I put my mind to, I’m making things happen. And that keeps me jazzed up enough to move on to the next challenge and perhaps a few more self discoveries. And sometimes I do it so quickly I don’t have anytime to pause. A rolling stone gathers no moss. But I really like moss so that’s OK too.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
Keep it up! I often find that I get more done and more quickly when I have much more to do. Does that make sense? It’s almost like I need a deadline and a pile of work to make me move!
I love the photo of the sunlight on the dining table…
Thank you dear Jennifer, thank you. And yes, hustle makes us hustle.
A beautiful post about the revealing of your November, Shalagh. Cheers to steady creativity for you! Thank you again for the fabulous card you made me – I love it.
You’ve a new URL address so I want to say thanks Anonymous/Dawn? I am glad glad glad that you loved your card and it was very much my pleasure.
Love and gratitude,
Shalagh
Anonymous Dawn here again – ha! I’m on a PC laptop and didn’t think my comment registered. I still can’t figure out my WordPress way of commenting. Glad you figured out it was me though. I love moss too.
Yay moss and doing stuff even when it’s not perfect, right?
Happy to read this. Yay you and yay balance! I love that you found the quote about making time for your stuff! I’m always so much happier when I remember to do that. It’s not always easy to escape the inevitable SAHM trap of a guilt induced perfection/ need to “contribute” but my husband always reminds me of what is important (“no one needs clean floors, we need time to be creative”).
Oh I know that place Danielle. Anxious concern for my son and my parenting of him tied me up in a need for clean and I always thought of my Virgo grandmother. Except I always felt like a better parent when I created something beautiful. Then I could creatively parent him. Especially in the toddler years…which is about to happen again. Feeling satisfied will give me a little more patience and she deserves that. Thank you for your acknowledgement and reminder.
Love Ya’,
Shalagh