In an effort to uncover the false thoughts that mess me up, I had the fortune to discover the Four Agreements yesterday. Written by Miguel Ruiz, these are ancient practices/ways to live your life that will bring you happiness and love in your life. The four agreements are
1) Be impeccable with your word
2) Don’t take anything personally
3) Don’t make assumptions and
4) always do your best.
As I read the synopsis written by another man here basing his work on this, I was struck by a realization about how our thought processes become automated.
As we are socialized, rewarded, and punished, we make choices on how to behave based on others’ opinions of us. These thoughts processes become habitual and automatic as we grow if they are not questioned. It’s childhood and it’s tough going but if we’re never given the power to choose to think otherwise, we may then be stuck in these childhood mindsets of lack and misery.
I remember talking to my Grandmother about getting a job. I was terrified and stuck in my life and needed some wisdom. She said, “Get a nice office job and you can wear a nice skirt.” I was appalled, but in her life wearing nice skirts had been a bonus to working. I’ve felt all wiggy about going bigger in my career because I have been afraid of a future that I presumed was what was expected of me, not one that I will create out of love and will based on my real talent and capabilities. I assumed that my future would be full of boring big girl stuff that I would hate. That’s what success looks like. Doing things I don’t like to do with people criticizing me for uncompensated pay.
The truth is that if anyone offers me any opportunities, it will be based on all the hard work that I’ve done because I wanted to do it which came from genuine talent and passion. I can say no to work that doesn’t fit this criteria. I can keep myself safe from the jobs that I would hate doing because someone else thought I should do them. I can rewrite the script of my life. What a relief. And I know the four agreements are something I am already hard at work on in my life to stay true to myself.
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Oh yes – number two is taking a lifetime to unravel. I love a nice skirt but it’s not worth selling my soul for. Wise words indeed
“Doing things I don’t like to do with people criticizing me for uncompensated pay.”
I’ve copied the Four Agreements in my journal! I wish I had found them in my early twenties…but then again, i don’t think I was ready to hear them back then…
Exactly Barbara. We’re not ready until we’re ready. Thanks for reading!