I suffered a pretty major stumble recently. An anxiety episode had me spiral out in my head to a place of grief and shame. And I allowed the decision to ask for medicinal help from my doctor to become very public. I did this because I knew that if my transparency and vulnerability could help someone else, I’d be paying forward the same from those who had shown me the permission too. Paying it forward is a beautiful part of my wonderful life.
The response from my online community was overwhelming. People showed up to offer their well wishes and their own coping mechanisms. They showed up to offer an ear if I needed one. And I watched as it made some people squirm rather hard at the thought that happy go lucky Shalagh wasn’t as put together as she seemed.
My wobbles didn’t embarrass me but showed me I’m just another human being trying to get through her days in a better way. And what I was gifted was to see how I have many angels in the form of people looking out for me. I may not have taken up many offers to talk but that doesn’t mean it didn’t mean the world to me that they were willing to be there for me. My life has so much more value than I often can see. It takes seeing me through the eyes of others to really drive the idea to my door. The final scene in It’s Wonderful Life became mine.
Privately, I have heard from people who say thank you for my honesty, for putting into words how things feel. Because it gives them permission to acknowledge and take care of themselves when I own my humanity. And that kind of paying it forward is free and freeing.
May you are be well and feel calm in the winter days to come. I know you are there and I hope you know I am here for you too.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
I’m still having some trouble with my emotions related to something that happened in August. I want to be finished with this pain by December 31, but it isn’t that easy, is it? I’ve been studying with Pema Chodron about learning to turn pain into compassion, which I am finding useful. Either way, I’m going to open back up to the world a little more in January, starting with the radio show. Thank you.
I’m sorry to hear this. I get that wanting to be done and being done are two opposing forces sometimes.I hope you get a third party neutral to work through it. Much love to you Tamara.