As children, we’re told to shush and thus we’ve been taught to make ourselves less. To be less. We must tone us down and edit ourselves. And we’re told this by our parents and adults, those who keep us alive and who keep us safe. So in order to continue to be safe and cared for, we become less. We’ve grown up still doing as we’re told and have equated staying alive with keeping quiet. And so we continue to operate from a keep quiet and don’t make waves perspective. We become edited versions of ourselves.
I read this recently and this hit a nerve for me. I’m from the loud family. You can hear my mother laugh in the crowd at the state fair. And my children and I just aren’t quiet. Plus, I cringe at the thought of all those jackasses who told me to shush in my life. I hate the thought that I’d be one of those jackasses to my children.
Although I recognize that there’s the way that “it’s done”. There’s polite propriety and standard normal kind of behavior. I also think that the world is a way more interesting place when people become the most they can be. When a person dares to be different, we take notice of him or her. These people are the ones being seen and making a difference. Ironic that in a world telling everyone to conform, it is the nonconformists that end up influencing and leading people from their ruts.
I know I am guilty of being a lesser version of the deeper down me. Of not speaking the truer truths. I get lots and lots of ideas. And then they get edited and dismissed and stowed before they ever get properly expressed or followed through. Why? Because I fear. I fear that I’ll say something to offend one person. It’s already happened here believe it. I fear that I’ll offend someone I love with my honesty. That happens a lot too. I really was scared that if I posted too many “woe is me” posts I’d drive my readers away for being a self indulgent sad sack. So in order to take care of other people’s feelings, I ignore my own. So codependent I know. But I thought it was time to out myself so I could stop fearing reprisal for being myself.There’s the confession and now a request. I started my blog so I could write and say what I thought about my thoughts and feelings. And I’ve been here, written that and stayed for more than a few years now. I no longer want to hobble myself, edit myself, and be less than me because I am scared that I will offend. I also really hold my readership dear. Many people who read me were people that I really wanted to be liked by. Truth. And many are people I received by one type of post and maybe they don’t care about other ones.
I can’t impress all the people all the time. I lost one subscriber recently. May they rest in peace and their inboxes be cleared. I’m now hanging at 115 subscribers. Numbers don’t matter as much as reader satisfaction does. I do want that number to grow because readers shared the good stuff and other people came to read too.So if you’d be so kind dear readers, can you comment here or on my Shalavee Facebook Page and let me know what you really love reading. Or what you really are inspired by. I’m handing out free passes for you to give me what you have and share with me your thoughts so that I may know what to keep doing. I will always have my own voice, I just want to be a little louder.
Yes, you in California and you in Australia, I need to hear from you too so that I can be refueled. I will continue to bring you writing that you love and I want to improve the heck out of it. Thank you so much and have a lovely weekend!
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.