Holding Space for My Future Decisions in My Busy Now

There are numerous happenings occurring in my world now. My 5^th grader is finishing up public “grade school” and will be attending a new private school next year. We are doing all the year ending ceremonies plus there are many Mommy to-dos with this academic move. We need new school costumes, a new computer, and summer reading books. Plus, an impending dance recital looms.

I’ve successfully “relaunched” my blog but technical details are devilish. So much to touch. And so many existential thoughts to have. Who should I be now? How do I tell? Dumping out the contents of my purse was like reading tea leaves. Who am I really?

I see the reflections of where I presently am around the house, and I see bald spots where decisions should be. The mantle isn’t landscaped. There are places and projects that stare blankly back at me wondering what I’m looking at. After all, I’m the one that left them that way, bored and blank.

I haven’t decided is all. I haven’t decided who I’m feeling like next. I’ve been busy helping other people to decide who they are. Yet, I seem to have arrived at a point where I don’t have any more room to care about anyone but myself. In fact, this act of self-caring feels dire. Like my beating heart, my life depending on it.

Absolutely, self-care does depend on me deciding who I am now devoid of everyone. A mostly currently final decision made about what I need and what’s important so I can return to my body and my space without doubt of the vehicle I am traveling in. And hopefully, I will find my inspiration on what to do with those mantle pieces.

You are welcome to stay and see what I do with these blank bored spaces.