I understood from an early age that I was broken. I made all the wrong choices, said and did all the wrong things. I was in need of fixing. And when I grew up to be a mom and I was mad at my kid for something, we’d ask him to sit in the Thinking Chair for a time out. Of course, he called it the Fixing Chair.
There is an automatic connection in a child’s brain between having their parent angry with them and their unworthiness and brokenness. Maybe it takes three times the amount of unconditional love to undo the harm. But it might just lodge in our souls and roost there for your whole life.
I have always believed that I had to fix myself. I had to dig at every thought and action and better myself out of these unworthy messages. And I know that many many other women are right there with me. With their perpetual self-criticism and their dieting, they are always telling themselves how unworthy they are to be and do what it is they really want to be and do.
There is a huge industry that profits from women belittling themselves. Paying whatever it takes to fix it or fake it. But what if the true trick was to just accept who we are where we stand. To be brave enough to just shout “enough”. What if the bravest thing we could do is claim our imperfections as beautiful. And stop giving away our worth like junk to the thrift shop?
I am not nor have ever been broken. And I will stand with you and swear that you aren’t either.
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