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I have been on a journey all of my life to find out who I truly am. This self-discovery journey consists of equal parts honesty, authenticity, pain, and writing. And I am committed to it until the day I am no longer here.
I brought my notes into the therapists office and told her I wanted to know what this was all about. I’ve noticed that I’m having little mini tantrums around not having time for my creativity. I’m acutely aware that this is not very grown-up or wise but there it is. And my therapist says, “It’s…
Mirror Mirror in my brain, can you tell me if I am sane. Seems the mirror I keep referring to is that distorted one from my childhood’s not so fun funhouse. When you grow up in a household with unhappy people, you see yourself as you would in a scary funhouse mirror way. You know…
High School reunions are notorious. The thought of being in the same room as the people who you well know were your judge and jurors at a time in your life when you were your prettiest and still didn’t cut you any slack. You see/live in your 30 years and 30 extra pounds and surely,…
Quite honestly, there was never a time when I wasn’t anxious. I have always been anxious. The baby was three weeks old and boy was I anxious. I’ve always felt anxious and therefore I was. Got it honestly from my family. I was so used to being this way that, in college, my growing stomach pains…
I’ve been traveling a long bumpy road. Struggling to become a person who can stand up for myself. To become myself. I thought my low self-esteem was to blame for how the steep the climb felt that I’ve been attempting. I worked and worked and felt like I wasn’t gaining a lot of ground to…
Private, Keep Out There’s an understanding amongst family that we don’t talk about that. “That”means subjects surroundeing such feelings of shame that uttering the reminder is like stabbing and slapping someone simultaneously. Private, keep out. Not my hair shirt to launder. We must respect people’s claims to their shames. They have experienced them and it’s…
March’s “Bold Brilliant Beautiful You” project question was posed and asks, What Do I Need? Seems I had asked myself this same question last year. There’s a page in my journal proving I was equally confused then in defining wants versus needs. I promised I’d return to answer later but I haven’t. I supposed then,…
This is not a new concept, the importance of knowing. Except, it’s one of those I keep saying ‘aha’ to. I really didn’t want that job at the television station even though it was amazing I’d gotten it. I really didn’t need to be married at the age of 23 even though you couldn’t tell…
Rutabaga Reminder The waxy rock of a root vegetable stared at me from the red enamel bowl beyond the sink. I thought of Elaine and the episode of Kung Fu Eamon and I had just watched, that same 70’s tv show starring Michael Cane that I enjoyed as a kid. In a previous life… I…
Sitting in my hair stylist’s chair, deep into a conversation, she says she recently heard that we don’t see ourselves through our own eyes, we see ourselves as we think others see us. I asked her to repeat this. She said our self-perception is based on how we believe others think of us. (Turns out…
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