Seems almost criminal that some women like myself, when we become mothers, suddenly become self-doubting imploding Mommys. I mean women who were successful in the corporate realm, women who brought home paychecks and held job titles, when they are faced with the relentlessness and chaos of parenting, feel like incompetent losers. Happens to a lot of women.
There we are, the most important people to the future people of the world, and self-doubts and feelings of overwhelming incompetency crumple us. And we are rendered incapable of doing our best mothering as we attempt to recover from the incredible self-doubt that this overwhelming job has caused.
I’ve spoken to two other women this week who also suffered from post-postpartum depression after their babies were born. Alone, isolated, without a good support group, no matter if you’re young or old, rich of poor, it can and will happen to you. Bad things can happen but in our cases, we each got through and eventually became aware. Should I have had more people to help? Absolutely. Should I have been on medication? You betcha. Did I recognize this very common condition in myself? Not at all.
I’m out of the woods, sprinting across the meadow of my second child and now my purpose has bloomed and I understand the power of just saying “Ouch”. Of being OK with not being OK. The strength it takes to admit your own “weakness”. And then to go about doing everything and anything to gain a hand hold on Hope. I want to feel good about the job I’m doing as a mother. And I want our children to not think it’s their fault because Mommy’s not feeling like being a Mommy today. I want us to have fulfillable expectations of our abilities and our capacities. And I want my kids to know that I’m human and doing the best that I can.
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4 Comments
All we can do is the best we can. Shalagh, nice post. I still struggle even as my kids get older. Nothing necessarily gets easier, it just changes. My issue is that my support group of moms has kind of disappeared which I think happens when kids get older. I still need them.
Thank you so much Amy. Why does it seem like this isn’t well known. Like everyone thinks it’s only a few people who are freaking out and the norm is the Cleaver family.I think it’s the other way round. And absolutely, I;m an older Mom and there’s no one here who’s my age with kids, unlike in a metropolitan area. But I suppose your support group is any and all people who you can depend on for sympathy or advice or shit up and listen time. So PS. I’m so very here for all of that. As I know you are the same for me. It’s only a matter of allowing for ourselves to ask I think.
Love to ya’ and the boys,
Shalagh
Yes! When you are in it, you have no idea, often it takes something to shake you into realising that you need help. Whether medication or counseling, when you are under a dark cloud it is hard to shake yourself out.
I truly had no idea how much more help I needed when I had my first child. And I wasn’t as bad off as many! So my heart screams out when it seems like everyone expects everyone to be OK all the time. It’s OK to be not Ok so so so much. Thanks Andrea for stopping back by.
Love,
Shalagh