I have a love/hate relationship with my Virgoan tendencies. While I do love to have things orderly and organized, it can often be a double-edged sword. Because not having things uber-organized can make me feel like a loser. The tale of my love/hate relationship with my evil organizer/date planner follows.
For two years for my birthday I bought myself the Get To Work Book. It’s a bit pricey for a calendar and organizational book but the author Elise Joy is lovely and an artist and I thought it would be just the thing to get myself more orderly and more productive. And at times it did that exact thing. But mostly I ended up feeling like a loser.
I guess I’m an all or nothing kinda gal. I’m all in or go home. And the fact that I couldn’t keep up with my own intentions to succeed (don’t mention that I just had a wicked case of fear of visibility and vulnerability) made me loathe myself just that much more. As if I needed any other reasons. I didn’t order the 2017-2018 Get to Work Book to prove that I could succeed in life without it. And I did.
So this year, with new intentions and goals, I got a new organizer that touts its organizational prowess. And for the first couple days I was feeling mighty organized. I was getting stuff done. And then I hit the bump. Where my best laid plans got derailed because there just wasn’t enough time to do everything I wanted to do. And that familiar disappointed feeling came on again.
I knew I’d let myself down. Where I get stuck with looking at the same task and procrastinate on it because it feels so so big and impossible. The task that my self-worth has hung on for years. And I’m tempted to toss the new organizer on a neglected shelf. But I don’t. Because I think there’s stuff here that I need to get comfortable with. Stuff I need to get intimate with to learn from.
I saw a driveway today doubled up with two rows of cars that looked like they were all in need of some sort of repair. And I realized that that’s my mental driveway. With that many tasks to do, it will never look like I’m succeeding even though I am. In fact the opposite may be true. The amount of accomplishments I do get done daily is staggering considering all that is on my plate. And I’m the only one who can’t see this.
So I will choose to drop back and get a fresh perspective on my over-achieving ways. It isn’t the planner’s fault (although the papers too thin to use anything other than pencil or a ballpoint pen otherwise is will bleed through.) The organizational tools that we use are only as good as our intentions in using them. And if mine doesn’t allow for my life to also happen while I’m being “productive” then I need to re-frame what it’s doing in my life again.
PS. Just as I had finished writing this piece, into my inbox came the notification that the New 2019 Get To Workbooks were ready to be pre-ordered. And I did exactly that. Respect the Ebb and Flow indeed. The hard things are not about the datebook.
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