For the majority of my life I was lacking in self-trust. I didn’t believe me when I said I was going to do something. Just below the surface, I was pretty sure I’d fail myself, and so eventually I did. Do unto yourself as others have done unto you.
Enter child #1 into my world in 2005. While being unkind to myself hadn’t killed me yet, I still couldn’t model behavior that I wanted my child to imitate if I wasn’t truly feeling the same way. And I couldn’t ask him to give me his trust if he could immediately see in my eyes that I didn’t trust myself. His esteem would plummet without my positive belief in myself. And after these realizations, the first place I had to start the overhaul was with my own inner-parenting.
Let me say that to create and shape something that you’ve never imagined possible is beyond ingenuity especially when it’s an unknown interior landscape. How do you strive to create positive where only negative has existed. Love where there was nothingness? There’s a massive amount of faith leaping required to begin believing in yourself when you never have before. And it seems almost a fairy tale to say that life will be better when you love yourself. You want so badly to believe and feel you’d die if you found out it was all a lie.
I started my self-trust endeavor out by just committing to little stuff and fulfilling my promises to myself. I began with some radical self-care and quit smoking. And every victory I achieved built my self-confidence and trust a little more. The building of this blog played another huge part in my self-belief. I found that I could often be unkind to myself and so I’ve tried to befriend myself and am trying to ease up on the mean me and empower me with kindness. And gradually I built up my faith in my word that I believe when I give it to myself. I believe myself. That’s Huge.
Children have an amazing capacity for intuiting when you are down and weak. They’ll come for you then with extra rockets on. If you ignore them, they want your attention. And if you don’t truly believe that what you are doing what you are for a good reason, they will be terrified. Because if you’re not in charge, that may mean they have to be. And that is scary as hell. With the birth of my daughter, I was inspired to continue to fight to be my best self.
The trick to parenting well ? Being a good parent to yourself. And there’s just no way around it. And even if your kids are older, you are still and always worth befriending and demonstrating the power of positivity and self-love.
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