(This is a repost from a year and a half ago. I forget myself, my writing, and my truth until I read my pieces and say “Heck Ya!”. Enjoy.)
If it were a matter of willpower, we’d all be willing ourselves into success and abundance and skinniness. Yes your ability to change starts with your intent and your why but after that there’s a trick to do what you want. Your belief in your worthiness and your self-trust are what’s standing between you and what you want. And your fear is what’s in charge until they are.
I detest the formulas out there to my success which depend on me “just doing it”. I see and read so much about your ability to change your life and your plethora of choices and I want to scream, “Your missing the part where I believe I can and I’m worth it”. My low self-esteem might have been called out but it is by no means been completely reversed.
If I don’t trust myself as reliable, honorable, and capable of following these steps to success and achievement, I am not starting. I already know I’ll fail myself. Why would I want to put myself through that over and over. It’s easier to assume I can’t than to bear the pain of starting and then discovering (surprise!) that I can’t follow through.
At the beginning, we are either worth the effort or we’re not. We claim we know that of course we are worth it but many people feel unworthy of so much secretly. The world has shown them they aren’t worthy. Their parents just weren’t there or asked them to be someone other than who they knew they were. The opportunities they saw other people getting were not offered to them. And layer upon layer upon layer of unworthiness build up. Until giving up is way less painful than trying.
I have held a campaign for self-trust for myself for some time. As in over five years consciously. It is a steep hill to climb and yet, I am finally at the point where I am feeling the scales tipping. Witness my feeling of I can vs I can’t in this recent piece.
Life is a “Do It Yourself Project” of the largest degree. And every facet of your life and perception is malleable, changeable. Every thought we have is subject to our own scrutiny of validity. And in this introspective process, a noble self-respecting way of thinking arises. And through that, the understanding that our relationship with ourselves, our self-care, and our honor are all of our own doing.
Somehow, we need to grab ahold of the concept that we are all undeniably worth our own mercy and we then begin again. The nobility of beginning again is fathomless. And the wonder of our own faulted humanity is held by everyone, especially the person who’s holding your hand when you decide you are worth the effort.
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