I caught myself this past week being very unfair to me. The slight anxiety I was experiencing was proof that I was doing something in my head that wasn’t kind. When I asked what was at the bottom of this, I realized there were unrealistic expectations about both my body and my writing work that I had judged myself as inferior for not meeting.
I was accusing myself of not being productive or proactive enough with my blog/writing projects and not speedily getting back into shape after the weight gain of the holidays. But then I realized that I’m trying to hold myself to goals but I have yet to define their limits. No fair.
So I need to step back first and ask, what am I interested in achieving and who is it for because if the answer isn’t “for me”, I’m finished before I start. When the goal I’ve set is for me and my betterment, then I can proactively plan out my steps to achieving the goal. And perhaps find a way to install some accountability to insure its completion.That’s the right way to read my mind and in a step succession that is fair.
I would never ask my kids to guess what I expect of them to do. As members of the household, I give them specific expectations about how they’re to help and to speak respectfully to me. And I reward them in kind. There shouldn’t be rules of kindness for them that are different from how I treat myself. It’s false to think that Mama mule will work harder and better when she never gets a break and doesn’t know what’s at the top of the hill she’s climbing.
I have found that when you define what it is you expect of yourself and your children, then everyone feels a little more comfortable within those preset boundaries. And things feel a little more fair. Today I will set some short-term and long-term goals with some time limits and then I’ll know I can’t judge myself for not being in process. And I’ll start again anew as I always do.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
4 Comments
Good approach — I’ll apply it in my own life today. I will ask my inner overachiever, “What is it, exactly, that you want from me?” and see what part of that is reasonable. Thank you.
I am so glad Tamara that you read this. I think we’re smart enough to be more reasonable and fairer more often. I’m all for achieving and chosing change but I need to make sure I trust myself to be a fair parent.
Hi, here I am as promised! This post actually has similar undertones to my one doesn’t it – really about the expectations we place on ourselves. I constantly expect too much of myself and so by definition, I constantly feel let down by myself. And you’re right, it’s not fair to me! Glad to see you are still spreading wise words and kindness 🙂
Thank you for your generosity Vanessa-Jane of your time and consideration. We are masters at setting ourselves up to seem less when truly we are super heroes. I only fear for our daughters repeating our obviously ridiculous behavior. Again, I am glad for your visit!