Somehow I’ve decided that there is a box I am supposed to stay within. That to venture from the box is certain death. I somehow always know that I am not allowed to imagine myself anywhere else but in the Fear Box. I am denied access to the world of possibilities outside.
But I also know that the key to freedom is in having self-esteem enough to fill my balloon and sail over the walls of the box and out into the world. Feeling capable is the updraft. Capability however is stolen by low self-esteem. Negative judgmental thoughts are the pin that pops the balloon and keeps me in the box.
I have honored my creativity over and over yet I wouldn’t call myself an artist. I have written over 1000 blog posts and yet wouldn’t say I’m a “successful” writer. Yet I have successfully pulled off many special events and parties, decorated Christmas trees, and birthed and raised two beautiful children. I am a highly capable person who is unaware of her capabilities. Because Fear claims that knowing these capabilities would be unsafe.
Staying small and staying safe would be my Fear’s dream vacation. But to my intellect and my inner artist, this is soul death. Once you see that you are smarter than your fear, grateful for it having kept you safe of course, but done kowtowing to it’s every twitch, you end up in charge of your future. A bridge to a new place.
I Can is about to fuel the rest of my life. And I will work harder and be more forgiving than I have ever been towards myself if I can taste the freedom of I Can.
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2 Comments
Oh my dear, I know what the fear can do us, but I believe in step by step, little ones, maybe we shouldn’t jump out of the box at once, but put a finger out, after the hand and try our best. If it is too scary out there, we can go back inside and wait another moment to try again. We are brave in our own way. Hugs to you!
Thank you Elizabeth! I am good, meds make it so much better. I’m more describing how it used to be but thank you. I used to never put anything out. Now I am definitely a riskier and have a great therapist to help me through the tough patches.