The phrase “Unutterable Fulfillment” was the phrase my friend Jane used to describe how she felt after writing the first draft of her book. I knew deep in my soul what she described. That feeling of such satisfaction that nothing can feel bad seemingly ever. I knew what I needed to do to feel more of this too. It’s the Joy verses fear.
When it comes to my creative path, I have lived in the shadow of my fears. They have harped and thwarted and yapped at me and my efforts until I just felt numb and mostly incapable of creating. Job well done Fear.
And then recently, I’ve decided to take a different path. Irrational fears meet practicality and sheer will. I reasoned that I would not make any money ever on anything if I wasn’t doing exactly what I loved doing. I gave myself permission to get on with the daily making. I chose tasks that I’d previously avoided and did them anyway so that they would no longer hold me prisoner. I met the author of a book who specifically wrote her book to help people through, around, and beyond their ugly voices. And I’m somewhere different than I was say two years ago and even a month ago.
Christmas means creativity and mandatorily there is suddenly a truckload of creative projects. But rather than feeling stressed that I’ll not have enough time of won’t be able to make what’s in my head, I’m rolling with it based on faith. Faith that if I do my best, it usually doesn’t suck. Faith that if I schedule my time wisely I’ll never feel overwhelmed. And the knowledge that the creativity gives me such personal joy and fulfillment, fear won’t be here for the holidays.
The doing and the not doing, the joy and the fear can not exist in the same room and in the same heart at the same time. It is an impossibility. So if you just go ahead and do that thing that you want to do and create and play and make and craft, joy will show up from wherever it waits in your body. And fear will have no place to root. Guaranteed. And the more joy you have, the more you want, the more you realize you can have. It’s a glorious cycle. Enjoy the process and I wish you all a giant overflowing cup of unutterable fulfillment.
4 Comments
We are both on similar paths, it seems.
I’ll push you if you push me. Crazy devil that fear.
Here’s to a creative and fulfilling 2015!!
Well of course we are. And yes, you have already been there. You need to let me know how I can return the favor. I have a pretty good hunch if we stick our necks even a little of the ways that we’ve thought about doing, we will rocket out into a very different place than we are now even. And, BTW, I really want to know what instruments you play?
Oh yes, I believe in the process and in that cycle. The joy becomes addictive and the process even more important than the outcome, weirdly! And then you get to a point where you realise you’re capable of so much more than you knew! Now if only we could have more childcare! We’d be unstoppable : )
Ah yes to the process. And I guess the cycle is necessary. I have definitely reached that point where I am slightly impressed with how much I can end up doing. Thank you Jane for the inspiration and here’s to childcare next March!!!!