The fact that I don’t ask keeps coming up. I usually don’t ask for help, advice, support, or to get my needs met. And there are varying flavors of reasons for this lack of asking, especially on the blog keeping front, which still don’t substantiate the lack of asking.
I’m afraid that by asking for people to read and creating a larger audience, they’ll see me for the ignorant amateur fraud I am and point it all out to me. This is known as the Imposter Syndrome.
I’m afraid that if I do build my audience and engage them in activities or groups, I’ll then be unable to keep up the work and the effort that it took me to get there. I’m afraid of not being able to maintain any success. This is my fear of Success called Hilda. I’m afraid I’ll abandon people too.
I don’t ask for anyone to share my posts maybe because they’ll say no. I tell myself this doesn’t really help grow my readership or it’s begging. But that’s silly because people a) want to be of help and just don’t realize how they can help and b) everyone who would share it would have friends with similar interests. And c), people are drawn more to those people sure what they have to offer the world is worth sharing.
I know my insight is honest and refreshing. And that my unique perspective is interesting and authentic. You really don’t need anything else.
I don’t ask for technical help because I think no one would have time to help or have better things to do or Hey, I’m undeserving of support. Or I am less worthy than others. And throw in I am weak and needy when I ask for help and I think I pretty much covered all the reasons I don’t ask for help, as false as all of them are.
I come to find out that in always offering my help but never asking for it, I’ve become untrustworthy in a way. I must take as much as I give for my character to be trustworthy. Otherwise it could appear I’m acting like I think I’m better than others by not asking.
And lastly, I’m undeserving of support. I have to pay for past wrongs of my existence by staying isolated and unworthy of support? What piffle that is ! But these are the unconscious scripts that are running that I play along with because I haven’t had time to rewrite them. But I’m working on it.
I do not believe that all of my readers would dump me if they heard me ask for their support. In fact, once a couple years ago, when I asked people to vote for me for something, I was astounded at how many people did in fact vote. So much so that I didn’t even care to win anymore because I was so heart-warmed that so many people thought so well of me. I had a bigger group surrounding me than I thought. Perhaps the asking is a method by which we can remind ourselves just how loved and important we actually are to our communities. That asking for support is a means by which other people can have an opportunity to show you how much they love and support you. And you are both giving and taking in this exchange. A reframe in process.
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