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The Good Mother

As a mother, we strive to be “good”, to do our best. You always need a goal. Sometimes you reach it and sometimes you’re left feeling the weight of a job not well done. And then you start all over again.

I have a boy and a girl, 8 years apart. I am 47 years old. And these are my stories.

Our Parents and Ourselves

Posted by on Nov 20, 2020 in Daily Shalagh, Family | 1 comment

Our Parents and Ourselves

Anne Lamott said “Write as if your parents are dead.” In an attempt to save people from your truth, you censor yourself from writing about your pain. This pain has made you you and may have been caused by them. And this mutes your most important story. And now Their Shames have become yours. You were made complicit to their crimes against themselves and to you. If you tell, you’ll be bad. Ungrateful. Naughty. She added, this, “Remember that you own what happened to you. If your childhood was less than ideal, you may have been raised...

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The Next Right Thing But Quicker

Posted by on Nov 17, 2020 in Family, Midlife Motherhood | 2 comments

The Next Right Thing But Quicker

I’m still struggling with how to do the next rightest thing by my Mom. She’s been out of the hospital for a month. Progress is slow and on her terms. She shrieks and grouses when I attempt to move on to places she’s afraid of. The layers of neglect and chaos are so deep. When you speak with her, all of that is invisible. But I know. Let’s get real. Holidays are coming. I am the holiday maker, tree decorator, present purchaser, and stocking overlord. That special event is exhausting enough. And I’m about to do a...

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I Will Not Ask Your Permission to Parent You

Posted by on Nov 10, 2020 in Homebody, Little Guy Lessons, Midlife Motherhood | 0 comments

I Will Not Ask Your Permission to Parent You

As you may know, we now have an official teenager in our home. Not the 13-year-old wanna be teen. Not the emerging effort teen. We have the full out hormones are making me weird and mindless teen. And no matter what you say, there are certain things I will not accept as normal for a teen. This is a kid who was so good I used to say he needed a day where he had permission to just be bad all day. He was polite if not thoughtful. Sure Dad, yes Mom. And then, girlfriend, lockdown, and his demands to make his own decisions about his use of “his”...

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Self-care Sunday Thoughts

Posted by on Nov 3, 2020 in Creative Soul Living, Daily Shalagh, Family | 0 comments

Self-care Sunday Thoughts

The rain has finally stopped and the blue skies are filled with cartoon exhaust clouds. My son’s friends are all happily yelling at the video game they are playing. The smell of chili and banana bread permeate the house. Am trying to squelch the pain of my SI joint which has returned with Ibuprofen. And I’m trying to figure how best to continue engage in the impossible task of getting my Mother out of her house. It keeps coming back to this. I wake in the morning and wonder what is the next best thing. I want to get her to where I...

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An October ’20 Update

Posted by on Oct 29, 2020 in Family, Homebody | 12 comments

An October ’20 Update

Let me catch you up dearest readers on what has blown up my life. If you follow me on social media, you’ll already know that I have been dealing with my mother’s fall and her subsequent hospital visit. But this story goes much much deeper for me as many mother stories do. I have been called back many any times in my life to take care of my mother. I’ve cleaned her house. I’ve euthanized her cats. Anything and everything to return to rescue her from herself. And I’ve carried a huge resentment around for it all. My...

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Ah Do Do Do, Ah Da Da Da, S’all I Want to Say to You

Posted by on Oct 6, 2020 in Daily Shalagh, Family, Homebody, Keeping House and Mind Aligned | 1 comment

Ah Do Do Do, Ah Da Da Da, S’all I Want to Say to You

Am I doing it right? I dunno. Am I doing it anyway, Yup! This week is filled with anticipation of Autumn and all the cleaning and doing projects that seem to accompany the break in hot weather. Home and garden maintenance and cleaning. The windows look horrid. The bought potted perennials need planting. Things need painting. The littlest child is returning to school on Thursday. Seems no one died from the virus this week in Maryland. She will be masked and I will be driving her to school. But it gives me some hope that this will all be a...

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Plague Parenting

Posted by on Sep 29, 2020 in Homebody, Midlife Motherhood, Son Shine | 1 comment

Plague Parenting

I’ve been with my kids perpetually since March. Which means I have been their sounding board, their punching bag, and their home base. To maintain our family’s equilibrium, and my sanity, I’ve had to get even craftier about my parenting. Buying them things sometimes brightens the mood. Restricting screen viewing works occasionally. But what I’ve found is very effective is installing a carrot that you can yank whenever they get used to the taste. Bwahahahahah! My son is just about driving age. So physically learning how...

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What Would Make My Life a “Success”

Posted by on Aug 26, 2020 in Creative Soul Living, Homebody, Midlife Motherhood, Wisdom Lessons | 0 comments

What Would Make My Life a “Success”

What do you do? The answer to this question implies your worth and productivity to the world. This question is why you stopped going to events where there might be strangers. Because you aren’t certain that there’s an answer you can provide that will bring satisfaction to you and them. But what if we stopped valuing and judging ourselves on what we do? Gasp. What if we valued ourselves and our presence in this world and instead focused on what a successful life looked like to us not others? What would that look like? To spend...

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As Long as Never Enough Is the Mutter

Posted by on Aug 10, 2020 in Daily Shalagh, Homebody, Keeping House and Mind Aligned, Midlife Motherhood | 0 comments

As Long as Never Enough Is the Mutter

I waste moments in my day thinking about how lucky other people are. Well of course they can work out for two hours, grab a coffee with a friend, or sit and read for hours, they aren’t parents of small people. I’m comparing my apples to their oranges. One day, I’ll have that time back. And this just goes to prove my underlying understanding of my life : there’s never enough time, energy, or money to do all the things I want do. So you’d think I’d go ahead and lower my standards to feel better about my life....

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Ten Things about this Pandemic that Bother Me Most

Posted by on Jul 31, 2020 in Family, Little Guy Lessons, Raising Fair Fiona, The Soapbox | 4 comments

Ten Things about this Pandemic that Bother Me Most

I am sure we all have had enough of certain aspects of this Pandemic. I decided to list mine. And no, the masks didn’t make it to the list because I understand their necessity. Our mandatory mistrust of one another in order to be safe is so bothersome to me ie. I trust and someone dies. No one wants to kill their mother after all. Despite all the information posted everywhere, most people have no understanding of this virus’ mode of transmission (via spittle into the face), contagion period (less than a week before symptoms and...

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