In my 20’s, there was a beauty supply outlet up the street from me. I bought my first bottle of henna there. And over the years, I collected, nay amassed, a pretty impressive array of lipsticks and nail polishes. I hoarded mud masks and liquid eyeliners and I was hedonistic heroine with a date to go somewhere every weekend.
Flash forward to today and self-care looks like deodorant, a root touch-up, and my bi-monthly pedicure by someone who I pay to touch my grody feet. Gone are the days of beauty laden afternoons with a Walkman playing my favorite Inxs cassette. There is no one to buy me a drink and check out my hot body at the singles bar.
Instead, I’ve got my comfy pants on and hair pulled back in a unbrushed pony knot while I consider whether I want to enjoy gluten on Friday night pizza and movie night or not. I am the first one and the last one my daughter sees every day and she often points out my saggy skin and crooked teeth. The mirror mirror on my wall isn’t telling me what I what to hear anymore.
Life can be determinedly unfun and I was thinking, maybe I need to get back to some of the more selfish practices that made my youth so carefree. Plan days where fun is the only objective. Or days where it’s just me I can think of. Free to Be Me days.
Coffee or lunch with a girlfriend always feels decadent. Manicures are so unnecessary until you get them. And even reading can feel like an absolute luxury. But what would my inner hedonistic 20 year old do? Get a facial and go dancing. A spontaneous road trip to visit an old friend for lunch? Or buy something completely frivolous and pretty just because.
No I’m not going to go pick up strange men in bars but I forget that I’m still a person inside this wife and mother’s body. And she may need to be repaid with more fun units on occasion. To remember how it was when I prioritized me before the small ones usurped my existence. To entertain the ridiculous whims of a hormonal 20 something and see what happens. To feel like, to know I’m a goddess and treat myself as much.
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