There’s a saying used behind the closed doors of the Anonymous meetings. People with addictions are “terminally unique”. Somehow, the dreadful feeling of isolation and alone-ness is a sort of backward badge of honor giving you full on permission to kill yourself by your addiction of choice. Addictions plays us like puppets; fearful of conceived promise of death by not continuing our addictions, we stage our own deaths inadvertently.
Makes me think of the person who would die of hunger while the man next to him held out a sandwich. We are never alone yet our fear of being so makes it so. We can not conceive of the fact that we are not the only person on the earth who has felt this way. Doesn’t it feel so much better when someone says they know exactly how you feel and they tell you their story and you know you aren’t alone.
The trick is, you have to be in the same room with the person telling you the story. If you isolate and never allow yourself to be in the same room with anyone who might have the same problem, you will never know that relief.
I can tell you that you are not alone. But until you feel that for yourself, you will probably always truly deep down inside cling to the concept of being the only one. Belonging is the balm that heals all the wounds of dissociation. A group feels safer than being in the wild on your own. Everyone deserves to come in from the wild to a welcoming community.
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