I work hard everyday. You probably do too. And I derive a sense of righteousness from that hard work. I know that my children are paid attention to as well as clean and fed. I know I have worked my body out, acted thoughtfully towards others, and progressed my self and my creative soul as well as I could today. Yet sometimes, my life feels too complicated. Too hard to achieve satisfaction within.
The emotional work is exhausting and the satisfaction level low. The goals feel out of reach and I feel like a hamster running on the little squeaky wheel. Ironically while on a treadmill, I realized that this may be a sign that I’m making the work too hard. Putting too many stipulations on tasks. I think it doesn’t have to be difficult to be worthwhile. And sometimes simple is way more satisfactory.
I am beginning to see I’ve placed these mandatory tasks everywhere. In order to be a good writer, I need to be published here or there. In order to be a good daughter, I need to do such and such. In order to be a good mother, I have to always prioritize my motherly duties above my personal needs. These are but a tiny part of over-thought details which bog me down and keep me from seeing a bigger picture. All these musts tire and overwhelm me.
So how about this? I consciously make an effort to make everything easy at every turn. Yes Eamon, you make your own peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Time to sit on the potty Fiona and start this potty training thing for real. Instead of adding more to make it better, I’m going to cut stuff and start from scratch. I’m going to question and cull and keep my eyes peeled for the suspicious hard parts.
Because what I really need is to make room for my creative life that I’ve held back from kicking into high gear. If I threw all my ‘have tos’ in front of me and the ‘gottas’ under me, I’d never find my way out of this darkness into the light. I suspect it doesn’t have to be difficult to be a life well lived. Your happiness is your own gauge on whether you are getting it right. Once I make it easier, I wonder how much I’ll really feel I’ve accomplished with my hard work then?
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