It would be impossible not to consider what others think of me. Were I not a writer, you couldn’t prove I care. But I must care a little to want you to read what I’ve written. Or is it possible to be thankful that others approve but not base your own value on what others think. That has been a problem my entire life. Until now.
Surely I can come off to some as a bit pompous and a loopy, talking about all this touchy feely stuff. Liberal spoutings of a girl who refuses to see what the world really is. But I submit that every last thing you see and perceive is based on your assumptions, your perceptions, and filtered by what you need to have it be.
My anxieties have run my picture show for a long long time. You may have noticed I am always busy. I kept busy, never had any ending so I didn’t have to hear what a crappy job I did. Never stop, never get criticized. I really cared too much about what you might think so I distracted you and me with busy. But unless that busy is satisfying for me, it never feels good.
To be beautiful means to be yourself.
You don’t need to be accepted by others.
You need to accept yourself.
— THICH NHAT HANH —
So this Christmas I gifted myself with the gift of no longer giving a shoot what anyone but me thinks. I can now trust myself to take care of my needs. My anxiety doesn’t run the show and so I am trusting in my decisions on my behalf for my happiness. Turns out happiness is the best everything.
And I’d like to think if it makes me happy, you’d be happy for me. Because what kind of world do I live in if I’m always frightened of the negative feelings I perceive everyone will have about me. Keep your mean to yourself and spread the nice. I hand out compliments because I love how they feel when I receive them. They’re candy to the soul. And everyone can use some soul candy every once in a while.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
6 Comments
The best gift you will ever give yourself.
Truth Mala!
Soul candy. That makes me smile.
Yes me too! Thanks Karen!
I like this. I’ve been thinking a lot about the need for approval and how it may direct my creative work. Thanks.
Oh Yeah Tamara. I do believe that Creativity is the only zone you can be in and can’t be anxious at the same time. But for me, the submission process feels damaged with approval seeking. And yes, if we edit ourselves while creating then it’s inauthentic. Glad I made you go hmmm.