My numerous aspirations and expectations and absolutes are a few of my favorite weapons of self-destruction adding to the slow but certain loss of my mind. What’s left is now being eaten away slowly by my toddler and 9-year-old. I am left to spin in circles with the one foot nailed down, drooling like some captured Mommy Zombie groaning, “Brains, brains”. Because these brains are what I seem to be lacking and in need of replacement these days.
My arsenal of self defeat is well stocked with a life time of my weapons of self-destruction. The over used expectometer seems to have me thinking that many things are doable when in fact they really aren’t. Like my recent vacation that wasn’t relaxing because kids + vacation time may not equal that relaxation you equate with a vacation. The booby trap I fall for every time is the concept that I’m super Mom and I’ll be able to accomplish all my household and blog tasks, or those thrown at me by my husband (“Can you go get, go mail, or call blank?”), fulfill the instantaneous needs of my children (she’s fallen and is crying again for the tenth time TODAY), aaannndd take on a DIY project that involves a sewing machine. The expectometer will self destruct in five…four…three…two… Kablewie.
The regular imbibing of tonic water and my Absolutes gets me thinking that before I get to do/enjoy A, I must first be done with B. I can’t… read a book…redecorate that room…or go out with a friend…until I’ve…cleaned the house…balanced the checkbook… or decided what my purpose in life is. There’s contingencies I’m tripping over everywhere. If you did this to a kid, you’d be the meanest parent ever. For real, you would be. You can’t have this until you do that. Eventually the kid concedes he’ll just never get anything because the bar keeps getting moved. And he gives up on him/herself, figuring he/she is no longer worth the struggle.
And then there’s my many many many numerous aspirations. Nothing is wrong with wanting more in one’s life. But when everything you want to do is constantly piled high as the sky on this platter, you end up feeling overwhelmed and under-capable. I’ve got people, projects, and changes that need to happen in my To-Do line up. And my system for scheduling and delegation to even handle the daily tasks sucks. So imagine when you throw all the other ‘change the world’ stuff on top. Then it becomes me who sucks. Dispersed and frustrated, I can never feel like I am getting anywhere.
Lastly, there’s my lack of boundaries. This inability to decide when to say no, who to say no to, and what to toss out of my antiquated lifestyle and system management, leaves me raw. Because there’s just not enough time or energy in the day for all of it. And I fear Mommy’s zombie brain will begin taking others out with her.
I am going to focus on systems now, writing it all down, practice saying no to everyone including myself, and figure out a way to be OK with not being on top of it all always. And if things are unfinished or screwed up, I’m going to practice letting go. Practice makes perfect. And dismantling a well established arsenal takes time.
15 Comments
It might be the worst comment ever to just say: “word” or “testify!” but that’s what I need to say.
That you say anything at all is worthy of a Bravo in my book. Yay!
Fellow one who is cursed by the virgo trait, I have this taped to my fridge-
“No one can take advantage of me without my cooperation ” Eleanor Roosevelt
Practice saying no and get outside everyday to walk. Life is not a treadmill on the uphill bumpy mode. I have a tight schedule, but I slot me in there. If I did not I would be bald.
Yes, Melissa. I love that quote. The person taking advantage of me sometimes is me. Over expectations are just another form of self-sabbatoge to which I must say “Knock it off Shalagh”. I took a run outside today as opposed to my usual treadmill at the Y for the daycare availability. Because no baby! And I feel pretty darn good today for being about to be an older lady. Thanks for your care as always Melissa. And send pants!
Love,
Shalagh
We are not perfect…Embracing it is half the battle! 😉
Thanks for making me nod my head and chuckle in recognition. Us mama’s are all in this together.
Ah Shannon, I was just thinking today how I should probably accept, perhaps not necessarily embrace, those horrid jiggly flesh blobs atop my bra under my arms. I can see climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro as being easier. And yes, we stand with and for each other. Thanks immensely for this.
Love,
Shalagh
yep – she puts a voice to the things that are in everyone’s head whether they are said or not.
It’s hard to cut things out that you enjoy.
What worked for me was narrowing down my top 3 priorities and then chucking anything that didn’t fall under them and if things were still hairy, anything that didn’t fall under the first two, and sometimes. … it comes down to only things that fall under number 1.
It’s why I seem anti-social. Because when there are 105 things to do in a 24 hour day, some things have to go.
I try – to only do the things that give me absolute joy OR the things that would fall under the heading of something that gives me absolute joy. My big 3 are Mothering my Children, Writing, and the Tarot/Reiki/Medium/Metaphysical skills. When push comes to shove … only the things that contribute to my Mothering joy get through. Work, making money, spending time with them, giving to myself, housework (which does not give me joy specifically but contributes to No. 1 lol) Etc.
You – are absolutely perfect just the way you are without doing one single thing, girl. Believe It. *hugs*
as always, your honesty rocks and rolls : )
Michelle,
I knew it was you. A more conscious filtering for all of us would be good. “Why must I do this?” I could say out loud. And if it doesn’t pertain to my children’s health and well being or my personal enrichment…wait, I can stress myself with a multitude of tasks related to those two things alone. Add to list, get better filter.
Thanks for your support Michelle.
Love,
Shalagh
that’s exactly it, there is SO MUCH that is involved with just those two things alone!
I believe that we’re tricky with our self sabotage. We disguise it as well meant but it still makes us feel poopy.
Ode to mamas!! I said to my husband yesterday, I just can’t continue like this, full time work, broken sleep with demanding toddler, I never get to book week, to make costumes, clean the house, do toddler craft projects, do my own art projects…sometimes it is all just completely too much. I. Feel like constantly disorganised. And dishevelled. I have a plan to right /write myself a super tight schedule and live differently really soon.when I have the energy. Be Up at 6, walk the dog, feed and cloth child, shower.., eat, clean up, park, lunch, nap/ mama art time. And so on, with a rough time frame. I might even myself a pomoddoro tomato to help me keep on task. I figure discipline is the only way. And killing off extraneous crap like Facebook that just wastes precious time. You are not alone Shalagh. Not alone. It’s a hard slog.
Oh Bravo Andrea. I think in order to feel safe, our children, and our inner children, need the discipline and routing that schedules provide. It feels better. I have been implementing little tweaks everywhere toward that end. My posts. Have a huge dry erase board so I can see my appts so I don’t miss anymore. And absolutely with the scheduling even little spurts of time and effort. The Pomodoro method is brilliant. We no longer have cable at our house so there’s no unintentional TV. And maybe only Facebook after something arty is done? I commend you and thank you for joining my shout to the over-scheduled self sabotaging Mamas of the world.
Thanks so much and glad you came by.
Love,
Shalagh
I finally found a huge paper entire year calendar for the kitchen wall, and THAT was the one I finally settled on, for help organizing. I ditched the google because I don’t have the time to get on computer all the time. I ditched a portable purse calendar because I don’t see it all the time. The wall one is rocking and I love that I can see all 12 months at once!
cable tv – yeah it is not a missed item lol. We love netflix. no commercials. when its over its over.
Yay and Yes Michelle. The giant calender is great. And I agree about the no commercials. Any time Eamon starts telling me about a commercial he’s seen, I ask if it was at Grammy’s that he saw it. Yup.