He got irritated with me. And I returned the irritation. In his head, he was trying to help me. In mine, I didn’t understand what he was doing. I hadn’t asked for the help that he was aggravated I wasn’t being grateful for. Miscommunication.
He says something is wrong. Every day this week there’s been something wrong. And I think he’s telling me that it needs to be fixed by me immediately. I feel irritated because I’m exhausted from fixing his complaints. Miscommunication re-occurrence. Do I get to be aggravated at you for what I think you said or need from me? Or do you have to actually say it ?
I come from a well-practiced league of mind readers. I think we could have made some real money if we’d hooked up with a traveling band of gypsies and taken our act on the road. Because I am certain I know what you are thinking. About me, about us, about the situation we are in. I guess that keeps me ready for action? Protects me against unjust thoughts that might become unjust actions. Forewarned is forearmed.
But this “knowledge” proves to cause more problems in the longer run. Resentments get harder to trudge through, to move our relationship along. Perceived evils and ill-intents eventually muck and rut our road so badly that we can no longer traverse it. Better just to part ways and say goodbye then.
Unless I were to ask you what you thought I was saying. And then you would get to hear me say I didn’t mean it that way. Or I’m sorry you thought that and were hurt because this is what I really meant by this. Isn’t that what you wish people said to you yesterday even? Isn’t the best advice to exhibit the behavior that you want others to exhibit, especially children. Because they’re watching. And listening. And when you pass the buck and blame others, they’ll annoy you with that same blame behavior later.
I am proud to say I’m not the yelling parent I once thought I was becoming. Now I want to be the ‘own my own stuff and communicate through and over the bumps’ parent. To make the roads of living with people easier to navigate. And to feel proud of my integrity and intent. They do as I do, not as I say. And I have never had any business being in your head. Clearing out space to make better choices for me means I have to dump anything I think you’re thinking off the shelves. Either let me know how you feel or let me let go.
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