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My Forgotten Soul in My Writings

I read blog post after blog post today. I was in search of ones that could illustrate my points for an upcoming big piece. And were these to be the story of someone I did not know, I may have cried for how beautiful the soul of the writer was. The rawness and gentle words of someone with knowledge that was won from grief and heartbreak. But they were my words so they didn’t have such an impact on me.

Why is it so hard to truly see ourselves as others do? Perhaps an initial giddiness when we are falling in love and then back to the set point we are used to. The pain and the recovery and the soul warming story of overcoming our awful obstacles are lost on us. Been there, done that. Moved on. But I refuse to toss myself aside so easily. Today I want to say I have said so much already in so many beautiful words that I know I am not finished talking. My Forgotten Soul in My Writings on Shalavee

And it is my sincerest hope that I will again fall in love with my story as a child does with theirs and I will know how to tell it to you so that you get the most out of it I can give. Meanwhile, I will keep writing like there’s no end in sight. Because there isn’t.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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The Tenacious Beauty of Youth

Before I actually called myself a writer, after the shut down of my shop, I was interviewing a woman writer about her decision to write and tenacity to seek work. She dumbfounded me when she told me she had friends who’d written a book in 9 days. Like some story of book creationism, the book had taken form and was born in a little over a week. Who knows if it was good but it was done. I couldn’t imagine that.

I was in a therapy session referring to the gumption and authoritative airs of a twenty something I had found almost ridiculous in their boasting of their accomplishment when my therapist noted, youth means you aren’t afraid yet. You haven’t fallen on your face yet. Your naiveté is your shield and I realized how true this was. This was the superpower that wrote that book. The Tenacious Beauty of Youth on Shalavee.com

The older you get, the more you know. And then you know too much. There was a study I heard of where the monkeys being studied were thwarted from climbing up a rope or poll by being squirted with a hose. And after a while, the monkeys stopped trying to climb it. And the next generation of monkeys didn’t even attempt to climb up the rope. The elders had made sure they understood that trying would be futile and would be punished. Even though the youngsters hadn’t experienced the negative outcome, they had been trained not to risk. Obviously not millennial monkeys.

So the combination of a lifetime of negative experiences garnered by risking and failing added into the collective understanding from our parents that risking is bad, has raised us to be fearful beyond what is reasonable. As if our attempts to express ourselves or rise above our self-appointed stations will end tragically. We will be shunned for being different and that is death.The Tenacious Beauty of Youth on Shalavee.com

I want that sense of invincibility from my youth back. That knowledge that everything will be OK whether or not what I want to have happen actually happens. Being impassioned enough about what I am doing and saying to let go of the outcome and be completely immersed in the process. I want to be fearsome with my belief that what I have to say will make a difference in the world my children will grow up in. Getting there.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Not a Loser or a Gainer but a Wicked Maintainer

When it comes to my body and my soul work, I can maintain what I’ve got for all eternity. It’s movement that I seem to be having a tough time with. I managed to move my body weight down maybe 6 pounds last year with Weight Watchers. And maintained it until Christmas when I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted assuming I’d gain it back. Which I did. I chose it. And now, a year later, I’m back where I started. Maintaining my weight gain despite good intentions and motivation. Not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer.not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer on Shalavee.com

The same can be said for my progress in my writing. I gained ground when I committed to writing daily and posting three times weekly. Yet when it comes to moving beyond the commitment of writing for my blog and trying to get published, I haven’t been able to allow myself to gain ground. I seem to expect just enough of myself to keep my blog afloat. I blame my need to mother simultaneously but I know that’s malarkey. I’m maintaining my writing practice but not growing it.

In a way I feel good about it all. At least I’m not losing ground I think. That’s a win isn’t it? But in a world where we judge ourselves for the progress we’ve made, I am not proud of treading water. I like writing and love connecting with other people on the subjects I love talking about. But being bold and disciplined is tough. Retreating, snuggling in, and not risking seems like it’s easy. But it’s not feeling easy. not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer on Shalavee.com

So I’m asking myself those questions again about what makes me happy? What is it I value and what would it take to achieve that value? And I am recommitting to that process. Not because I want you to like and approve of me. But because I want to be proud of me. I want to know that I am not caving in to my fear but making small efforts to make myself proud to be me on a daily basis.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Looking For Good Enough

I’ve gone through spells of uneasiness recently. Days or patches where something is off. When I don’t feel great about what I’m doing or the day itself. And I realized it may be a little voice that says things are not quite good enough. My expectations and my actualities are not evening out.

I wrote in my journal,”I suspect my expectations are to blame. And I know I never give myself enough space or credit for my actuality. I continue to wait for some fairy godmother perspective shift.

I suspect that somewhere somehow I got it in my head that there would be this eureka moment when I would get the biggest Aha of my life and I’d completely break the confusing code of what am I here to do and why. I’ve been waiting for a lightning strike while I am actually moving along anyway, just a lot slower than my expectations.

Because when you deep down believe it’s not good enough, your poster life doesn’t match up to your real today life. So I thought, what does good enough really look like and let me paint a picture of that to put on my wall to stare at instead.Looking for good enough on Shalavee.com

What Good Enough Looks Like

When I don’t go looking for reasons to be unhappy with my life and myself.

When I stop doubting my ability to parent myself, to rely on myself, to follow myself to true happiness

When I trust myself

When I see myself in the mirror and don’t judge what I see badly

When I look at any possibility that tickles my fancy and say I can do that

When I feel the value that my being here has just because I’m here

And as I was wandering around reading random internet posts yesterday, I fell upon another concept that I think is also at work here. On Liz Smith’s Connected Life blog, she speaks here about Deepok Chopra’s concept that in each of us there is an everyday self and a deeper true self. The true self is essentially your soul. It is where you are when you feel contented. Your true self is certain and clear about your life where the everyday self can get easily influenced by chaos and other people’s opinions and will forget your true self even exists.Looking for good enough on Shalavee.com

It takes a good deal of mindfulness to train your brain to concentrate on thinking and existing in a truer place. And that is what I need to keep my eyes on when I feel a not enough spell coming on. I almost laughed out loud today when I realized that I already know what I know. And that just because I don’t believe it doesn’t make it any less true. When I write, I write what I know. And I find out what I know by writing. So I guess the only way to find out if I know enough is to start writing. The stories we tell ourselves keep us from finding out the truth. And I suspect the truth here is that I certainly know enough to write a book on what I know!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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The Writing Lull During a Creative Burst

I have been at odds with myself recently in that I haven’t really wanted to write. I acknowledge that I am both a creative, equally prioritizing the visual and the verbal parts of me. I like when I go through a prolific phase of writing and it happens often enough to expect it. But there has been a writing radio silence of recent.

This week, I hosted a small creativity challenge and that’s been very satisfying. Unlike during previous challenges, I wasn’t nervous about what I was going to do every day. I would just get up to my craft room and let it flow. And I began to think today that perhaps the two parts of my brain know that they need to take turns. That there’s periods of contemplation and graduation that need to happen before better work can emerge.The writing lull during a creative burst on Shalavee.com

Where my visually creative self is like my inner child playing, my verbal side is like my inner parent always figuring out the next understanding and plan through my words. I find out who I am and what I think by writing. And perhaps I am entering a phase that is more like an inner Adult at work.

I see a bigger picture emerging. I am watching myself from afar doing what I’m doing. I’m seeing what the next step is, I’m considering my whys and my ways and then I’m hoping that I will feel empowered into action on what I see to be the next direction that will make me happy. The writing lull during a creative burst on Shalavee.com

I’m just winging it here but I am truly sure that following my intuition and listening to my own needs to write or create is the only way that I will not only truly trust myself, but will also help me navigate the best way through my life.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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