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I Return to the Matter of Self-Value

I am always circling around to a question of my self-value. I stop short of setting goals or understanding my purpose for the simple fact that I do not understand my worth. I suspect I’m not alone in this either. So many women are waiting for permission to value themselves.

I picked up a self-development book by Rhonda Britten called Change Your Life in 30 Days, in which one of the daily tasks is to list five acknowledgements of things I’ve accomplished. And this seems to be a good task for refueling the self-value tank. So often, we would acknowledge anyone but ourselves for their contributions. But in crediting ourselves, we have actually added a value chip to our own pile. Continual practice of anything, “self-value-idation” included, will make you better at it. And I truly believe this is exactly where I need all my energy focused. I can’t truly contribute to the world unless I know the value of that contribution.

The next step for me will be to ask for validation from others. While my therapist says this is quite normal, the risk of being rejected and my value being refuted feels like a death wish. Definitely worth noting. But if writing is what I must do for the rest of my life, because the thought of not writing is now impossible, it seems a shame to waste my writing on only my ears. Might as well share it with an audience so that others may feel validated and inspired as well. Two for the price of one.I Return to the Matter of Self-Value on Shalavee.com

What I write is of meaning to me and I value the catharsis of the process. I’m endeavoring to increase my understanding of the value of my writing to know that what I write is everyone’s voice. Simple truths, Aha’s I find as I navigate my days are always of more soul value than any monetary worth. And by sharing them, I process and release them so that others may benefit from them as well.

So if you like what you have read, share it. Email a link to someone, share it on Facebook, or mark it to tell your sister-in-law about. Staying small and quiet has not truly ever benefited me. Nor am I a narcissistic megalomaniac who needs your approval to exist. But I have compassion for all those who feel isolated and alone and I don’t think this serves any one, surely not the next generation or the world. Our existence matters and we need to know it.

Perhaps you have a gift that you undervalue as well? Your thoughts are always appreciated here.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Let Me Tell You Where I am Now

Let me tell you where I am now.

I’m sitting in my craft room. My laptop is in front of me and I’m perusing my journal trying to grab on to something of interest to write about. I’m good with the writing as long as I’m interested in the subject.

In an hour, Fiona will descend the yellow school bus stairs for only the second time. Her Pre-K year has begun. Let me tell you where I am now on Shalavee.com

Let me tell you what Pre-K means to me

I was a new blogger when I got pregnant with her. So the blog and my writing talents have been worked on and developed parallel with her growing up. Like the blog is her sister. Except, were you to ask me if the she or the blog comes first, it would probably always be her. The trick was to not use raising her as an excuse to not continue my writing the blog if just to keep up the practice.

Let me tell you what that means

Now in the light of having time rolling out in front of me to get down to some deeper and more intensive writing. I’m freaking out. In a good way and a bad way.

Of course, I’m ecstatic because having time to myself is the one thing I crave beyond really good food and entertainment. I’m giddy and gearing up to find out what I really do think about hope and healing and good change in my soul. Conversely, I’m terrified that I’ll squander this time I’m being gifted by laying down and letting my fear keep me from showing up. Paralysis in the face of progress and vulnerability has been an MO before.Let me tell you where I am now on Shalavee.com

Let me tell you what I’m doing differently

I got a book out of the library that had been recommended to me titled Deep Work by Cal Newport. The idea is that the world is on this awful slide to promote the shallow. This means that people who do deeper more thoughtful work are going to be needed more than ever as people’s brains start to shortcut and short-circuit for lack of proper usage. I am betting that I have some pretty cool stuff inside me that I need time and flow to find out. And all the methods and techniques I gleaned from this book will be put into use to guarantee that I hedge my bets on success. You kinda need a game plan to keep yourself engaged. Our brains are feeble as well as untapped.

Let me tell you, I’m scared

When we attempt to be our truest selves, there may be shrieking harpie voices that tell us we’ll die if we continue. That’s just the primitive part of our brain kicking in to keep ourselves safe from tigers and social ridicule. In that moment when we accept or don’t accept the emotions as fact, we could get to move on and gain confidence in the fact that we were vulnerable and did it anyway. That’s the story I want to be telling.

My daughter faced her first day at Pre-K. That’s some pretty scary stuff. Each of us and the fears that we face are specific to where we are. First day of Middle school, high school, college, and getting married all include scary unknown factors that seem insurmountable to us at that point in our lives. But it’s all relative. We just need to acknowledge our inner compass and keep moving.

Hope this give you perspective. On me or you, doesn’t matter. We all need a little perspective every once in a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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It’s My Blog and I’ll Write What I Want To

Like so many, I question my own motivations on why and what I’m doing. Is it for me or my friends or my family or my readers that I chose the subjects I write about. I do have moments of self-doubt where I wobble with thoughts of will this be interesting to others or is it just for me?It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

Either you’re doing your living (and your writing) for yourself or you’re trying to people-please. You certainly can entertain others while you are being true to yourself but not the other way around. You can not solely try to make others like you and have that be a fulfilling life.

Often what I write about is a true reflection of exactly where I am in my life. The subjects I muse are real and current. I am as real as you get and I not only like it that way, I’m going to have a hard time giving that up. So for now, I won’t. It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

I will always produce my thoughts and reflections on my life in the most honest fashion I can. I will also be adding more quality to my offerings with newsletters and incentives to share this wealth with friends. In my knowing that this has value to me and some, I think those who need the ahas and support here will find their way here.

There are some shifts coming as I am allowed more alone time to think deeper thoughts, I expect to be able to offer more value to my reader yes, but first to myself and my confidence. The goal of self-confidence is on my top five list. And you get a front row seat to the live action. Well almost.It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

Sign up for the email or newsletters, tell me how you found me and what you are working on in the comments or on any social media you find me on.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Discontent

When I’m thinking and writing, it seems everyday in fact, I’m processing what I consider to be a truth and adding to that or changing what I think. My philosophy is always a work in progress and because I live in a slight state of discontent. I have moments of good enough but I am always aware there’s more to know and learn.

I don’t accept everything I see and hear. I am always considering not only the validity of what I hear but what it means to me personally. Does that correspond or contradict with what I believe? Is there something that is bugging me to know more about? I collect and sit with a lot of information and am becoming increasingly mindful of any feelings that are generated. Those are also signs to pay attention to, good and bad.The Discontent on Shalavee.com

My discontent is not a bad thing but rather a curiosity of what I might find that could be helpful and the acknowledgement that change is necessary and ongoing. My good friend once said, “Life is Organic”which simply sums up the ever-changing and morphing philosophy and lifestyle that I embody. My life is a work in process, in progress. I am in search of what it means to live creatively and what my community is. I hope you are a member of the audience I’ve created that will share and contribute to this process and progress.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Battling Against the Becoming

I am the caterpillar inching my way along fueled by the promise of flying one day. But all that potential to fulfill that flight is so scary. Everyone will be watching me! Maybe the beautiful butterfly that I could become is poisonous and very dangerous … to others and myself. And so, I fight the becoming, eschew the wings, and ignore the chrysalis phase. And moan and wail as I see others flying by.

I chatter at myself, trying to pick the lock of myself. I query and banter, I call out and disagree. I cancel and ask for permission and still I can not seem to relinquish the fear that grips me around doing what I “have to do”, Supposed to Vs. Want. What must I do to bring down these defenses and make my life a fearless siege of what I want to do. battling against the becoming on Shalavee.com

I come back to my vision, my plan for my future. A summary of what I believe (a book) and sharing these thoughts with others (speaking engagements and magazine pieces). It all sounds so noble and doable. My heart on my sleeve and everyone chanting “Yes !”… while I search the crowd for the one person who’s going to lunge out and reveal my shortcomings, my illegitimacy, and my lack of pedigree. And I just beat them to the punch by not walking the walk didn’t I?

This is between me and me. I’m standing in my way. I’m coaxing and cajoling, I’m berating and stating, and still I stand here. And then there’s the little voice that says run while she’s not looking. Pull the band-aid off quickly! Just do it and then over think it. Knuckle down and fake the passion because whatever you are avoiding is usually the one thing you truly need to do. battling against the becoming on Shalavee.com

Hope you can figure out how to get out of your own way. Lemme know your tricks please.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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