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Some People Aren’t Ready for Self-Accountability

When I noticed that I needed to be a good parent to myself, I  needed to be able to trust myself to have my back, and I needed to keep myself safe, it was then that I realized my thought processes and mindfulness were shifting to a new place, one of self-accountability. One where self-care really meant taking care of me and protecting myself from the onslaught of the regular anxiety I’d been subjecting myself to my entire life. That was my shift. Putting the nice kind strong parent in charge instead of the mean judgemental withholding one.Some people aren't ready for self-accountability on Shalavee.com

And as I considered recently what it is I’m able to give my readership, the concept of self-accountability came up. I am offering people a chance to see what self-accountability looks like in action. How oddly it struck me then when, in response to me saying that some other people think I’m a bunch of hooey, my therapist said, ”some people aren’t ready for self-accountability. Some will never be”. Some people aren't ready for self-accountability on Shalavee.com

Self-accountability means you take responsibility/ownership for your actions. You recognize that you can change your own life by this action and claim responsibility for what you’ve chosen. You can also use this power to re-parent yourself and build your esteem( see the first paragraph). It means you are good for your word to you as well as to others. And that isn’t as common as I’d like or you’d think.Some people aren't ready for self-accountability on Shalavee.com

I’ve explained several times to my son that most of the world points fingers at other people and says “He did it to me”. I told him it’s easier if he doesn’t do that but rather would take responsibility for whatever part he could. I think most people are finger pointers. I try hard to dodge that behavior and I think the majority of my audience are people who support self-accountability too. I also presume that there are other people who read my posts and think I’m some sort of freaky nut-job who obsessively talks about her feelings. While I’d agree with them, I’d offer that there’s so much more to life besides sports, religion, television, and fear. That to become a deeper society, we need to dig within ourselves first. And I’m a gal who leads by example. This is me being the change.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Thinking Through the Fear

I was sure there had to be another way of thinking of this. I was tired of being terrified of beginning my submission process again. There had to be a way that I could see and understand my fear that would make it OK. I needed to reframe it. And so I thought and thought as I drove the hour and a half home from Baltimore last night.

You see, while having our birthday lunch a month ago, my best friend looked me in the eye and made me promise I’d start submitting my writing again. She said my stuff is as good as anyone’s out there publishing now on the same subjects. She likened my writing to life coach Martha Beck’s. I’m slightly speechless. And this is what best friends are for.Thinking through the fear on Shalavee.com

Publishing my personal essays in magazines and online publications has been a longtime goal of mine. And after repeated attempts to publish my stuff in the wrong places, I gave up. It was too hard and felt too raw. The rejection felt like being outcast and that wasn’t fun. So last night I again questioned myself as to why I have wanted to do this and what my fear really was. And I discovered the truth and the way around it in my answer.

You see, when you are thinking that your life’s work is all about you and your ego, you are easy prey for the fear of rejection. It’s always personal. But when I started to think of the good that my writing has done even so far, the permission that it has given people to do brave things, I realize it is of me but it is not mine altogether. Like a child, you need to set it free for the world to enjoy. In making it about me. I’ve lost sight of what’s important. The writing is the most important thing.

I have found a purpose in my passion. I am here to tell my story and in sharing it, if it helps one other person than it’s worth the work and risk and fear to have done so. I have heard the thirty or so people who have told me to keep going, keep writing what they’re thinking. As I said before, I need to submit…to the process that I now understand is part of a larger plan I can not see. As long as I make it about me, I stay small. The fear is about being rejected. But really it’s about being accepted. I am afraid of discovering that I spent all this time hiding and controlling my talent for fear of nothing.

Thinking through the fear on Shalavee.com

Staying small is no longer an option. It was OK that while I grew as a writer, I stayed small. My blog was a tiny universe where I told my truths and culled my skills as a writer. But the time has come, my 50th year I suppose was the doorway to the next phase, when I need to risk being a bigger better me. Although the faith is wobbly, I am doing the next thing and the next thing. And making it about my readership. I am devoting myself to to my best work for the people who enjoy reading me. For my future book lovers, I am committing to making them proud, giving them the words that they want to pour over and highlight and quote. Because I sometimes see that what I write is even 30% better than what I thought it was.

Before the end of the year, there will be big changes in my blog. Keep your eyes wide open my lovely readers.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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My Writing Thoughts Today

Today I realized that I have come full circle back to the writing. Where I started to see that I needed to prioritize my writing back when I started my blog, I took a detour this past year for a little while focusing on my art. I feared that my art wasn’t prioritized enough. Like the little sister always getting shoved out of the way for the big brother’s achievements. So I gave her some time to play and she’s happy again.my writing thoughts today on shalavee.com

It is November now, a month when a lot of fellow writers are embarking on their writing journeys with NaNoWriMo. Every year I must decline diving head first into this mass endeavor of amassing words on pages for the fact that I still have a little one at home. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t pump up the volume on my writing.

I wrote and wrote through October and now it’s time to take the best pieces and make them shiny. It’s time for a full turn around to the very first days when I submitted online and took a week to edit my pieces. I want to elevate my writing again out of quick and dirty blog posts and watch the pieces gleam. And then I want to submit. Feeling the When gaining on the If.

I Submit to the necessity to continue my writing journey. I admit to the fear and the doubt and I want to do it anyway. I want to Submit to the right magazines/publications that value the content I have to offer. I want to Submit to the purpose that I am discovering I have.my writing thoughts today on shalavee.com

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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The Book I Tried Not to Want to Write

Back when I was young and ambitious, I used to want to write a book. I was sure that every thought that I had was precious and precocious. I knew my woeful tale was worth telling. Then I grew up. And knew my tale wasn’t so different from many tales. Messed up childhood, abusive marriage, addictions, blah blah blah. So many good books well written on these same subjects, I was glad, relieved even, when I felt I had put it all away where it needed to stay.

Until recently, when that concept reared its know-it-all knowing head and said, “Oh Hello, you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m still here and I’m your Destiny!” Oh Please Already!

Everyone wants to write a book. There’s is nothing novel (hahaha) about it. I really don’t want to want to write a book. And yet, there it was, waving and smiling like an old friend/enemy that I couldn’t ditch.I don't want to want to write a book on Shalavee.com

I have dared not even mention all of this because as soon as I do, I’ll have committed to it and I wasn’t certain I wanted to. You’re going to ask me questions I don’t know if I’m ready to answer. Like what kind of book? I suppose it’ll be what’s known as a self-help book. It’ll be me pulling all these thoughts and life ahas together into a comprehensive format and a lot of personal insights and stories. Because that’s what I am.

Something that I read recently gave me the permission to write this to you today. A gentleman by the name of Jeff Goins has a wonderful career writing to empower writers. And his blog post the other day was on this subject exactly. He said that if that idea is still lingering and you are more than a little afraid of it, it’s because it means a lot to you. You want to do it “right” or not at all. Yup. Like when I used to worry about what kind of parent I’d be and then I realized that was proof enough, that I was going to be (a mostly) good one.I don't want to want to write a book on Shalavee.com

Plenty of people publishing just to get it out of the way. And while I’m not a perfectionist, I certainly don’t want to blow the opportunity to produce a quality product. And you know how you can guarantee you won’t produce a stinker book? Don’t write it. Then you won’t create a stinker and people won’t laugh at you behind you back. And then they never speak to you because you’re a loser.

Except that whole fear/shame script is soooo tiring and unoriginal. And a book that is this much a natural making sense of yourself needs to come out. Much like being constipated in your expressive soul, you need to get it out of the way so that you can express other stuff next. Plus, I might be a bit interested in what I have to say.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Placeholder

I often make myself do things I don’t feel like doing or things I am unsure about how to do. I write words to fill up a page knowing that once it’s filled and the idea is held by this placeholder, I can return and replace each and every crappy word I’ve written. Every piece of writing is a placeholder for a golden edited version later.

My children are placeholders of a sort. They mark a place and time in my life. They created a purpose I only had an inkling I needed. And they weighted down my heart in unimaginable ways. Or perhaps my life before them was the placeholder then? Awaiting the larger purpose and character transformation that I have undergone to be a better me after their entrance.children placeholders on Shalavee.com

I have ratty furniture holding the place for nicer furniture to come in the future. I create better systems to work by and better ways of thinking to process my life with knowing that as I grow, they will too.

I have values that I renovate regularly. They hold a place for the value of myself and of humanity. They’ve become more noble and more honest as I’ve gotten older. And when the day comes that I have a cause to fight for, they will have held their ground. Until then, my values are holding a place in my heart for the future of the world I want to live in. And the person I want to be.

placeholders on Shalavee.com

What is it in your life that you feel is holding the place for something else?

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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