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Placeholder

I often make myself do things I don’t feel like doing or things I am unsure about how to do. I write words to fill up a page knowing that once it’s filled and the idea is held by this placeholder, I can return and replace each and every crappy word I’ve written. Every piece of writing is a placeholder for a golden edited version later.

My children are placeholders of a sort. They mark a place and time in my life. They created a purpose I only had an inkling I needed. And they weighted down my heart in unimaginable ways. Or perhaps my life before them was the placeholder then? Awaiting the larger purpose and character transformation that I have undergone to be a better me after their entrance.children placeholders on Shalavee.com

I have ratty furniture holding the place for nicer furniture to come in the future. I create better systems to work by and better ways of thinking to process my life with knowing that as I grow, they will too.

I have values that I renovate regularly. They hold a place for the value of myself and of humanity. They’ve become more noble and more honest as I’ve gotten older. And when the day comes that I have a cause to fight for, they will have held their ground. Until then, my values are holding a place in my heart for the future of the world I want to live in. And the person I want to be.

placeholders on Shalavee.com

What is it in your life that you feel is holding the place for something else?

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Read What I Write and Discover Myself

I write to discover, and then I forget myself again. It’s been a really interesting journey discovering who I am and what I know. Then, like so much dust churned up, the ideas dissipate back into the computer files. The complexity of me is lost to myself, to others.

I envy my blog’s readers as they know me better than I often know myself. I find it equally interesting that many of my friends never read my blog. They must figure they’ll catch up with me when they see me. Or maybe they don’t want to know too much about me for fear they may not like me as much as they do now. Fiona and Me on shalavee.com

The me here on the blog is more “me-er” than in real life. A kind gentleman reader fussed recently that he felt bad for me always being so down on myself when I come across as such a confident person in person. I explained that with three posts on the blog weekly with subjects tending towards the wobbly, the picture of me is skewed and concentrated. But in this way, I can show that my humanity is here and so the reader can allow for their humanity too.

I never ever imagined that writing would lead me to such a wealth of self-knowledge and acceptance. A deeper understanding of self and the kindness of people in general has given me renewed faith in both myself and others which is exquisite as liquid hope. Opening up to others’ thoughts and worlds has given my brain sustenance and gifted me all sorts of friendships with all sorts of people including myself. And a boundless bounty of perspectives. Fiona's hair on shalavee.com

I made a passing comment in the beginning of the year that I wanted to read my writing daily. In that way, I could remember what I do and why it is I think others should really read it too. Because sometimes when I read my stuff, I think I rock. Hope you are enjoying at least this one post. There are 700 more posts hidden and awaiting my to read and recycle them. Acknowledging that I am a writer has been one of the greatest gifts to myself. And it’s gonna keep on giving until I keel over.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Proof of my Authority is in my Writing

Official know-it-alls everywhere know that to be a an expert you have to be an authority. No one’s going to give you credit for your knowledge unless you can prove that you have more to say and can say it better than other people. And then you get promoted to expert, authority, and official know-it-all.

As for me and my expertise, this would all make sense if I were talking about bowling or raising beavers. But what about just being an expert on life ? Does life experience and hard knocks give you credibility? I’d have to vote yes or my blog has had no meaning. Surely the people who dig the experiences and lessons that women like Brene Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert are offering in their novels, courses, and social media would agree as well.From your own authority on shalavee.com

In fact it’s rather astounding what credibility truth can hold when you truly hear it. Both from others and yourself. This month I’m about to embark on an e-course that will help me find my innermost truths and what my book Manifesto will be. I should add that I had one flash of genius on this potential book like eight years ago and then gave up on it completely. So for me to even be contemplating it again is HUGE.

But again, what gives me the authority to write anything ever? It is the experiences that we live that shape who we become. We know how that happened, we embody the living of those lessons and the knocks that we got to get here. So who better to tell those stories than us. And if they’re profound and funny, Great! And if they’re not, they’re still my stories and I’m the authority on genuineness of their intentions and details. From your own authority on shalavee.com

So I am putting it out there that I am an authority on my life. And that is enough. Proof on how good a story that is will be in the writing, what has come before and what will follow.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Most Importantly, Why?

You may remember, or I’m informing you now, that last March I taught a blogging workshop. My premise and guiding theme for this was “Your Why is your How”. Because sometimes we get so bogged down with the how of a thing, we forget that the why will get us through all the hows we ever meet. What I said in my post-mortem about my workshop was,”(the hows) are secondary. It’s your whys, or maybe your why nots, that will lead you to or will thwart you from starting a blog. We acquiesce to our bossy fears claiming it’s our hows that are our problem. But I propose ‘I can’t because I don’t know how’ is subterfuge.”puddle hopping on Shalavee.com

And ironically, I hit a wall with writing submissions a while back. I had continued to submit writing pieces to the types of sites that weren’t quite me. And I kept feeling that loser outcast sting every time I was rejected. It was like some horrible self-denegrating loop and then I was just done. I’d proven that I was in fact not a good enough writer and I no longer even understood why I’d wanted so badly to be published in the first place. Not worth the pain and agony, time and effort. Until I saw a site that really did fit the type of writing I do. And then I was even more terrified.

Minnie at the playground on Shalavee.com

What’s my Why? Why do I want to write? Why do I want to publish? What is the pay-off for continuing such painful torture? This was the subject I decided to mull and discuss with myself while I had a long drive to make the other day. And this is what I came up with.

I thought , why can’t my Why be altruistic? To share my thoughts and hopes for the sole purpose of inspiring someone, anyone. Helping someone out of a life rut. And then I asked, what is my own why for reading and following the people I do? And this is what I answered (out loud in the car where no one could hear me but me):

  • To be inspired

  • to find answers

  • to spark process

  • to learn a step

  • to gather the “aha” knowledge

  • to connect and make friendships that provide inspiration and validation

So I then thought, switch those around and claim them.

I write and create to :

  • Inspire

  • Offer my answers and solutions

  • Spark others’ process

  • Learn, while I’m writing, what I think or feel about something

  • Offer my knowledge for others to then gather

  • To validate and connect with others

To be of service to a community is a great thing. And that is truly where my heart lies. So much so that I think that I don’t want to spoil that by selling anything. That somehow my selling would cheapen my altruism? But the next chapter to learn is about valuing myself enough to appreciate that others are always valuing me even when I don’t. And often they have wanted to be supportive of me if only I’d give them an opportunity to do so. And everyone, except me, understands that bills need to be paid…with money…that you earn.

Stick around lovely people and see what happens with that.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Follow if You Care

I’ve hung out online for enough time now to see there are certain givens. If you are here, you just may be selling something or at least looking to gain something. “Followers” or “friends”, numbers of people who will prove that you are somebody. Somebody worthy of listening to. Somebody worthy of paying or compensation for doing something in return.

But what if you aren’t here to make a buck but to make a difference or to make a connection to the greater world and truths around us. Or what if, like me, you just wanted to show up for yourself and see what happened. You’ll bump up against people and maybe you’ll converse with them. Based on that, you may even like a few people. Next thing you know they’ll keep coming back to like you and talk to you. And you for them. And what you may discover is that you have a lot more to say of interest than you initially would have thought. And a lot of people out in the world who share your views.On the swing at the playground on Shalavee.com

These lovely people may live in other countries. They may worship different gods and choose to be vegetarians. But they’re kindred souls all the same. You may not even know what they look like, but you know their hearts. And if you’ve been honest, they’ll know yours.

I began my online journey to just continue to practice my writing. And what I found was that I had an inexhaustible amount of words to say about many varied subjects. I found I could take a photograph to go with my words. And I found out that there were in fact people listening and paying attention to what I had to say and show. I found my voice and myself in this process. I found people who I liked and who liked me. I found a tribe. And these are all things I would not have found had I not taken the chance to start something called blogging four years ago.Fiona and Baby Doggy on the swing on Shalavee.com

As I gain momentum and self-esteem, I am beginning to see how I may fit in, what I can offer the larger world, and that my knowledge and unique perspective is as valuable as anyone’s. I still don’t want to sell myself out but I do know that if I come up with something worth publishing, I will ask to cover my costs. If I put my Etsy shop online once and for all, I will trust that people know what they want and will allow them to buy stuff. But meanwhile, I will continue to engage with the world, create what’s in my heart, and create goals that feel right for me even if they’re not what everyone else might be doing. Because I’m the lone wolf who must find my way in my time. And that’s just going to have to be good enough. Follow if you care. Speak if you dare.

Wanna see the whole month of posts? Start here. Yesterday’s post go here.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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