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Let’s Pretend To Know What Happiness Feels Like

I spent such a huge part of my life feeling dread and misery that in the beginning of this whole life overhaul journey, I had to believe happiness wasn’t some BS made up Disney emotion. And then I had to figure out if I was worth this lovely gift. And when I finally decided that maybe I was, what does happiness feel like for me?

 

Since childhood, each of us has developed an entire dossier on our own happiness. Some items stem from the musings of a three-year-old, like chocolate for every meal and Daddy and Mommy getting back together. Some are American ideals like white picket fences and skinny bodies. But some may be so precious, we may never have even spoken them. Let's Pretend To Know What Happiness Feels Lik

 

My arting and writing were two activities I denied myself to a painful point. But since I’ve been allowing for their regular expression, I can say that my happiness is truly dependent on these. Although I was dubious about marriage and children, I have come to discover that there are many more layers of wonder there than meet the eye.

 

Money and fame are extrinsic rewards that hold no glamour for me. Happiness is an intrinsic goal. However, Where I once shut down the possibility of making money and gaining any credit, I am beginning to open up to the concept that they are on a necessary pathway to the next steps of creativity and self-exploration.

For me, happiness is about being present in my life. If I’m doing something, I want to be OK with being there doing that. And if I can’t be, then I need to go about changing stuff and making choices so that I never need to feel that way again. Trusting myself to confidently sort through my life’s decisions has been one of the most rewarding accomplishments.Let's Pretend To Know What Happiness Feels Lik

Happiness is about being with my kids and not being impatient with them because I think I have somewhere else to be (except maybe making their dinner). It’s about getting exercise, sleeping well, and cooking yummy food. And my ultimate happiness is to spend time with friends yapping and laughing and drinking a nice bottle of wine. Everything else is a plus happy. I’ve spent a lifetime fishing to feel what happiness felt like. I am making it up as I go and learning that not only do I deserve it and that it’s possible to be happy, but instead of buying into what others tell me should make me happy, I get to decided what makes me truly happy.

What makes you truly happy? Being surrounded by a certain color or immersed in a smell or sound? A certain place on earth? Tell me in the comments please.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Universal Message

The universe gave me a message this week that I mattered. Not intimidating like God speaking to me, but just a general nudge from my more intimate universe that I am rocking my life in good ways.

We matter. You’ve heard this and blown this off a million times. But those who grab it and put it inside themselves, those people are the one who feel entitled to ask for the changes the world needs to see.

It’s a matter of allowing, coercing, and getting ourselves to see how we matter and agree with the rest of the world on this matter of us mattering. This week this was how I was validated.universal message on Shalavee.com

From my post, My Forgotten Soul in My Writing, I received these marvelous comments and feedback.

Allison Andersen said:
Yes, please keep writing! I know you will and I’m so grateful you will. I can relate to you in many ways and your lovely beautiful words say it all. The words I can’t find. Thank you!!
Martina said:
You have a beautiful way with words! I love how you can express so much in a few short sentences. I love how you can leave me sitting there, nodding and exclaiming..”That’s just how I feel” or how you make me smile as I admire your honesty. You have a gift! Thank you for sharing your gift.
From Instagram, Jennifer said:
Seeing ourselves is definitely one of the hardest jobs, but an important one too – and the fact that you let yourself been seen so openly too through your writing is courage indeed.
 
And Peg Anderson said:
I so admire you and this ability to so openly share yourself. Thank you.
 
And I say:
Thank You All For Reading and For Letting Me Know I Make A Difference. Because You Do To Me Too !

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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My Forgotten Soul in My Writings

I read blog post after blog post today. I was in search of ones that could illustrate my points for an upcoming big piece. And were these to be the story of someone I did not know, I may have cried for how beautiful the soul of the writer was. The rawness and gentle words of someone with knowledge that was won from grief and heartbreak. But they were my words so they didn’t have such an impact on me.

Why is it so hard to truly see ourselves as others do? Perhaps an initial giddiness when we are falling in love and then back to the set point we are used to. The pain and the recovery and the soul warming story of overcoming our awful obstacles are lost on us. Been there, done that. Moved on. But I refuse to toss myself aside so easily. Today I want to say I have said so much already in so many beautiful words that I know I am not finished talking. My Forgotten Soul in My Writings on Shalavee

And it is my sincerest hope that I will again fall in love with my story as a child does with theirs and I will know how to tell it to you so that you get the most out of it I can give. Meanwhile, I will keep writing like there’s no end in sight. Because there isn’t.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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The Tenacious Beauty of Youth

Before I actually called myself a writer, after the shut down of my shop, I was interviewing a woman writer about her decision to write and tenacity to seek work. She dumbfounded me when she told me she had friends who’d written a book in 9 days. Like some story of book creationism, the book had taken form and was born in a little over a week. Who knows if it was good but it was done. I couldn’t imagine that.

I was in a therapy session referring to the gumption and authoritative airs of a twenty something I had found almost ridiculous in their boasting of their accomplishment when my therapist noted, youth means you aren’t afraid yet. You haven’t fallen on your face yet. Your naiveté is your shield and I realized how true this was. This was the superpower that wrote that book. The Tenacious Beauty of Youth on Shalavee.com

The older you get, the more you know. And then you know too much. There was a study I heard of where the monkeys being studied were thwarted from climbing up a rope or poll by being squirted with a hose. And after a while, the monkeys stopped trying to climb it. And the next generation of monkeys didn’t even attempt to climb up the rope. The elders had made sure they understood that trying would be futile and would be punished. Even though the youngsters hadn’t experienced the negative outcome, they had been trained not to risk. Obviously not millennial monkeys.

So the combination of a lifetime of negative experiences garnered by risking and failing added into the collective understanding from our parents that risking is bad, has raised us to be fearful beyond what is reasonable. As if our attempts to express ourselves or rise above our self-appointed stations will end tragically. We will be shunned for being different and that is death.The Tenacious Beauty of Youth on Shalavee.com

I want that sense of invincibility from my youth back. That knowledge that everything will be OK whether or not what I want to have happen actually happens. Being impassioned enough about what I am doing and saying to let go of the outcome and be completely immersed in the process. I want to be fearsome with my belief that what I have to say will make a difference in the world my children will grow up in. Getting there.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Not a Loser or a Gainer but a Wicked Maintainer

When it comes to my body and my soul work, I can maintain what I’ve got for all eternity. It’s movement that I seem to be having a tough time with. I managed to move my body weight down maybe 6 pounds last year with Weight Watchers. And maintained it until Christmas when I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted assuming I’d gain it back. Which I did. I chose it. And now, a year later, I’m back where I started. Maintaining my weight gain despite good intentions and motivation. Not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer.not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer on Shalavee.com

The same can be said for my progress in my writing. I gained ground when I committed to writing daily and posting three times weekly. Yet when it comes to moving beyond the commitment of writing for my blog and trying to get published, I haven’t been able to allow myself to gain ground. I seem to expect just enough of myself to keep my blog afloat. I blame my need to mother simultaneously but I know that’s malarkey. I’m maintaining my writing practice but not growing it.

In a way I feel good about it all. At least I’m not losing ground I think. That’s a win isn’t it? But in a world where we judge ourselves for the progress we’ve made, I am not proud of treading water. I like writing and love connecting with other people on the subjects I love talking about. But being bold and disciplined is tough. Retreating, snuggling in, and not risking seems like it’s easy. But it’s not feeling easy. not a loser or a gainer but a wicked maintainer on Shalavee.com

So I’m asking myself those questions again about what makes me happy? What is it I value and what would it take to achieve that value? And I am recommitting to that process. Not because I want you to like and approve of me. But because I want to be proud of me. I want to know that I am not caving in to my fear but making small efforts to make myself proud to be me on a daily basis.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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