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Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem

Back to my therapy office this week after a long hiatus, I asked my therapist to help me continue to work on my value. That seems to be one area that is slow to move and grow in. Kinda like when we ran out of gas on the highway that one time and even adding 5 gallons wasn’t enough to start the car. (Fuel injection is persnickety that way. I curse gasoline anyway.) Sometimes the progress is imperceptible and doesn’t feel like enough.

Once your supply of esteem gets down below a certain point, I think it takes a lot to pull it back up to a functional place. A lot! And it’s the kinda thing where I think I’ve filled it up and then something big and bad happens and I feel it draining out the holes of my self-doubt and then those little niggling lies that you’ve heard in your head all your life creep back in. And you’re toasty.Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

I thought today how low self-esteem and not valuing your worth is the reason for a lot of the crazy things people do. There are people who create mirages of perfection online so that no one will see they aren’t perfect. There are people who manipulate you to like them by outright lying. And the bullyers are plopping their self-doubt on your head so they don’t have to look at it in their own hats. Nasty people, harassing people, and depressed people are all suffering from the same deficit of self-love. We know what this feels like so you’d think we’d be a little more compassionate?Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

But when you are staring at your own bleak walls, it’s awful hard to think of anyone else but yourself. And that makes me know that to be of any help in the world, I need to not be operating from this dark place anymore. I can not help the world or anyone else if I don’t have my inner room cleaned up and a little brighter. So I again go in to fight the good fight for truth and value, being my own super hero and asking for the world to mirror me the truth of my worth. Because I think mostly, we are all good and a little broken. And I respect your process to find a better place to be if you aren’t happy where you are.

Who’s with me and where are you? Do you have a problem valuing you too?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Value of Doing and Seeing Things Differently

There’s a woman I’m social media friends with who has chosen to engage in a year-long project she has named her Year of Doing Things Differently. When I asked her about this concept, she said she’d seen it in a book at the library. I like this concept a lot.

I always say, “If you change nothing, nothing changes”. The phrase “doing things differently” is just another way of saying change but it sounds better somehow, more enticing. The problem is that our habits are so ingrained, they’re familiar and comfortable and we may honestly think there are no other options or ways to go about it. The Value of Doing and seeing things differently on Shalavee.com

The familiar feeling of being frustrated when I don’t achieve a certain outcome is a sure sign my expected results are at odds with my efforts. I may need to consider more options and bulldoze some of my excuses to make a change. Losing weight falls under this category.

But I’ve also discovered that our thoughts about our lives and capabilities and motivations can fall into a numbing and underwhelming pit for which I can not find an escape. In not seeing my value as an artist or citizen, I see limited or no possibilities for offering my talents to the world. Only in seeing the value of myself, do I find places where I can create and give out my gifts. I am building new value glasses right now.The Value of Doing and seeing things differently on Shalavee.com

I am shifting my understanding of who I am, where I stop, what I know, what I believe, and what I’m capable of. That is me changing my thoughts about how I fit into the world and the power I have. Doing things differently will naturally be followed by feeling differently and thinking differently. Because I’m long overdue for some new views of me and my world that I can proudly hand back to my children and my readers.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice

Opinions are like noses, we all have them. But are we entitled and allowed to have them? If I find it hard to find a voice to express them, I may not feel I’m allowed to have an opinion in the first place.

As a woman, it can prove tough not to judge myself for what I have to say as necessary or valid as I’m considering actually saying it. Then I may choose to keep quiet. I have my own internal bouncer at the thought door checking the validity, wittiness, or profundity of my outgoing thoughts and opinions. And often, they’re just not making the cut as I am weighing them against unseen sources that must be way more clever and insightful than me.Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice on Shalavee.com

I’d like to stop doing that. I’ve spoken about how men don’t do that. But I have no experience valuing my voice. In my life, I removed the need for the approval I would get doing for others. Now I find myself dumbly staring at my life thinking, “What do I do this or that for then?”. Oh right. It’s for myself, my happiness, and my approval. Duh.Reprogramming the people pleasing is tough going.Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice on Shalavee.com

Perhaps it’s slightly a matter of faking this until I begin to reap the benefits. Saying and doing what I know is right anyway even if it won’t be met with a round of applause or approval. But maybe because I need to Hear myself saying it. Hear myself having an opinion, saying what I think, and ideally modelling what it is like to not be a doormat for my daughter. Because I want her to be entitled to her opinion and she will do what I do, not what I say. Mindfulness is the only way on and out my friends.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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How Do You Define Success

How do I know if I’ve achieved success? Seems it has to do with fulfilling a set of standards. Checking off boxes, right? But what if the tasks you are trying to accomplish are conceptual. Like raising self-esteem or confidence. I realize that there’s no beginning or end to this process and although it’s extremely satisfying , it’s also the one thing you can’t see yourself accomplishing necessarily. The check-boxes are not well-defined.

I read somewhere that to know if your successful, you may need to write your definition of success. If that sounds simple, try to write it down and see what happens. It feels like something you’d almost avoid doing. Except how then do you know where you’re headed and when you’ve arrived? See what I’m saying? without a definition, success stays vague.

I have noticed that even on a daily or weekly basis, I may raise my bar for successful achievement several times and never even properly acknowledge the things I’ve accomplished. That’s No Fair. And on closer inspection of my expectations of what success looks like, I can see that there is some ridiculousness in my parameters. Definition of Success on Shalavee.com

If I was successful I would:

  • Be better organized
    • Have a nicer wardrobe, nicer car
      • Be a better gardener
        • Hire a house cleaning service
          • Be published in magazines

            • Have my own office with time to write in it
              • Be skinny with whiter teeth

                • ETC

The problem here is that all these elements of success require me to be someone else.  Unfair again. And there’s no empirical way to find out if I’m successful on any of these without more specific goal numbers. They also seem to be more external goals known as extrinsic goals.

On the other hand, just how do you judge yourself as being successfully kind or compassionate, both being intrinsic qualities we value? That seems only something someone else can decide you are successful being. Or perhaps it’s that our society doesn’t prioritize these qualities as much as the other extrinsic ones. That we are so outwardly focused, we disregard the harder to define intrinsic qualities. Yet I realize that’s exactly what I need to do, value that which I am. Define your success on shalavee.com

So I’m going to attempt to do some Life goal mood boarding soon. And I have a feeling that I will have to come clean on what my definition of success truly is. And I have another feeling that this will make my life a lot easier to manage. Because I’m not liking the continuous default to a place I’ll never be able to reach as a person I’ll never be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Care For the Caretaker

Why is it hard to take care of ourselves? All the rallying I’m reading for our personal radical self-care reminds me that there’s a deficit in our self-priorities. But why?

I know our expectations of our treatment of self come from our environments, our upbringing, and our role models. I heard and saw my mother disrespect herself, deny her beauty and power by the way she allowed the world to treat her and her husband, my father, to treat her. I knew she was anxious and felt unworthy by the way she fretted about the world she lived in. for the Caretaker on Shalavee.com

From everything I’ve ever heard and learned, I know women’s roles are as caretakers. Our children are important, absolutely. And watching my husband ignore his body so often, I would wonder if any children would get their basic needs met if men were to be responsible for them. Not hungry until starving guy that he is. Not thirsty until dehydrated. No need to see the doctor until the emergency room visit.

So I concede to the necessity of the mothering to be handled by the caretakers, caregivers, and empaths. But what purpose does sacrificing our own well-being serve? Because if it’s all care for them and nothing for us, the children will be doomed to suffer from the same anxieties and low-self-esteem as the mother feels not valuing herself. And the cycle of depression and sometimes even self-hatred will continue for another generation. That’s no way to raise a well-adjusted next generation. Do as I say not as I do has never worked before. We need to be the change to see our children grow as stout resilient capable human beings.Eamon's concert on Shalavee.com

I say challenge the whys? Who does it benefit when I can not even prioritize my health, my feeling of beauty, my teeth or my bones or my psyche? How does it benefit my mother or my country or the next generation if I stay scared and meek and un-proud of my body or my skills outside of the parenting?

Gonna stand and stare at that one for a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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