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You May Have To Prove Who You Are…To Yourself

Why does it always catch me off guard when people gush about how they read what I write and are inspired? Or see my art and tell me how talented I am? It catches me off guard because I am in the practice (actually pretty good at it) of disregarding myself. Like so many others, I undervalue my talents because after all, they are just something I do. But this is an injustice I am realizing I may have to right. As now I’m stuck in a purgatory of feeling over-appreciated by some and under-appreciated by myself.

I may have to prove it to myself that I am smarter than I feel. I may have to prove it to myself that I can achieve way more than I aspire to. I may have to prove it to myself that I’m worth the effort. I may have to prove who I am…to myself. Because apparently there’s a lot I’m missing.

I need to believe that I’m the kind of person who could create a solid body of work and writings that are meaningful. That I could write a book or speak on these subjects I know are enlightening and empowering truths and I would sound knowledgeable and respect-worthy. I need to prove to myself that no matter what I put my mind to, I can and will do that to the best of my abilities.You May Have To Prove Who You Are...To Yourself on Shalavee.com

I believe the proof is in the doing. The doing is in the permission to be vulnerable. So I ask myself,”Pretty please, can I come out of hiding from the closet where I’ve hidden thinking I’m dumb and an impostor?” I liked proving that I could plan, design, and carry out an event after I did it this March. And I really liked writing that piece on what it meant to be living wholeheartedly. Really, really. The only difference is that the next steps would just be for me with no one else to be obliged to.

So, I need to prove that I am the sort of person who can lead and govern herself. Who can put deadlines and goals in my path and rise to meet them. I need to prove who I really am to myself ; the strong, willful, and hard-working gal I have always been.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance?

At any given moment, we have at least these two choices : we can set to work on the tasks we see ourselves in need of accomplishing to get to where we think we want to go. Or we can give up on ourselves and decide the effort is not worth it. Or we’re not worth the effort. When you don’t feel worthy of the effort, you live a lifetime of giving up.

I asked myself, what is more difficult, giving up or giving yourself a chance? You’d think that working toward something , be it a better life or self-esteem or relationship with yourself would be harder work than giving up. But I think the opposite is true.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

It’s hard work resigning yourself to your lack of worth for the effort. Believing in your complete lack of value is the hardest most painful work of all. To continue to endure your devaluation of yourself is very tough to do and yet, this is what it means to have low self-esteem. Everyday you resign yourself to being less than. You tell yourself you aren’t worth the effort. You recreate what you believe the world told you when you were little.

 

When you don’t feel worthy of the effort,

you live a lifetime of giving up.

 

I stayed in abusive relationships because I didn’t feel worth the effort to leave. I gave up everyday on me and my need to find happiness. But the staying was so much more work than the leaving eventually ended up being. Perpetuating hopelessness is exhausting.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

Telling the truth is actually way easier that maintaining a lie. I chose to recognize that the relationship was a reflection of my bad self-worth. And that I was choosing to keep myself in pain with it and I could be done and no longer choose it. Life got immensely easier after that. And I discover that every time I work hard towards a goal which I’m excited about, the thrill and pride I feel for myself show that was the easiest work I could have done.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Valuing Our Belonging and Creating Community

Without a sense of belonging and knowing our own value in the world, we see no one there for us. We do not see ourselves within a community simply because we cannot understand how and why they would value us. Further, we’re suspicious of them if they do tout our value. What do they want from us?

Our families may be the only people we interact with and this may be similarly stressful. Yes you have to show up because you’re family but do you really like me for the person I am?

This sense of not belonging in the world, even within one’s own family, is a devastating and debilitating symptom of our dissociated society. Our need to be accepted as ourselves is so primal yet we end up selling ourselves short to find acceptance for the people we are not.

I am summarizing the brilliant work of Brene Brown on vulnerability and courage because I see it as the base for all that ails us. We can not be authentically ourselves so we cannot create. We don’t allow ourselves to create to find our authentic selves. We then must buy our status, our identity in the world causing debting and economic problems. And at the end, all we want is just to be appreciated for who we actually truly are.Valuing Our Belonging and Creating Community on shalavee.com

Our longing to be vulnerable and accepted has us running on a hamster wheel to achieve the Prize of Perfect but when we are appreciated and liked, we find we are alone in this crowd. Our greatest fear of being alone and not belonging to the people we are with has been realized.

Our need to be accepted as ourselves is so primal yet we end up selling ourselves short to find acceptance for the people we are not.

My thought is that if we started with the absolute understanding that everyone was feeling the same way, if we gave grace and acknowledgement to ourselves and others, we’d fast break down our pretend perfection walls. And that in those moments when we were with others being seen for our true selves, we’d never be able to stop the community from happening.Valuing Our Belonging and Creating Community on shalavee.com

As humans, we are hardwired for connection. We are tribal. Trick is to start with the people who truly do get you. And be vulnerable and willing to build from there. I guarantee they’ll show you your value every time you are with them. And you’ll know the meaning of community and its necessity.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Our Ability to Change is Not about Willpower

If it were a matter of willpower, we’d all be willing ourselves into success and abundance and skinniness. Yes your ability to change starts with your intent and your why but after that there’s a trick to do what you want. Your belief in your worthiness and your self-trust are what’s standing between you and what you want. And your fear is what’s in charge until they are.

I detest the formulas out there to my success which depend on me “just doing it”. I see and read so much about your ability to change your life and your plethora of choices and I want to scream, “Your missing the part where I believe I can and I’m worth it”. My low self-esteem might have been called out but it is by no means been completely reversed.

If I don’t trust myself as reliable, honorable, and capable of following these steps to success and achievement, I am not starting. I already know I’ll fail myself. Why would I want to put myself through that over and over. It’s easier to assume I can’t than to bear the pain of starting and then discovering (surprise!) that I can’t follow through.Our Ability to Change is Not About Willpower on Shalavee.com

At the beginning, we are either worth the effort or we’re not. We claim we know that of course we are worth it but many people feel unworthy of so much secretly. The world has shown them they aren’t worthy. Their parents just weren’t there or asked them to be someone other than who they knew they were. The opportunities they saw other people getting were not offered to them. And layer upon layer upon layer of unworthiness build up. Until giving up is way less painful than trying.

I have held a campaign for self-trust for myself for some time. As in over five years consciously. It is a steep hill to climb and yet, I am finally at the point where I am feeling the scales tipping. Witness my feeling of I can vs I can’t in this recent piece.Our Ability to Change is Not About Willpower on Shalavee.com

Life is a “Do It Yourself Project” of the largest degree. And every facet of your life and perception is malleable, changeable. Every thought we have is subject to our own scrutiny of validity. And in this introspective process, a noble self-respecting way of thinking arises. And through that, the understanding that our relationship with ourselves, our self-care, and our honor are all of our own doing.

Somehow, we need to grab ahold of the concept that we are all undeniably worth our own mercy and we then begin again. The nobility of beginning again is fathomless. And the wonder of our own faulted humanity is held by everyone, especially the person who’s holding your hand when you decide you are worth the effort.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Subtleties of Shifts

Life’s best asset and worst downfall is that it takes its sweet time. That it is relentless in its expansive pardoning of our mistakes. Every day is a new day to start over seems like too much wiggle room for screw ups. But it also means that the daily monotony can lead to imperceptible shifts. Stuff that would pass you by unless you were wise enough to go looking for it. Or someone else pointed it out to you.

Developing your mindfulness is a way of gaining another eye on your life and yourself. Being able to hold on for a beat more and instead of launching into reaction, to take a look at yourself and what you are about to do and perhaps choose something else. This is shift.

And then there’s just the blindness we end up when we’ve got our eye so hard on a prize that we truly want but don’t believe we will ever have. And we totally disregard all the progress that we have made because winning means a goal met and not the stuff in between. All or nothing thinking plagues me still.The Subtleties of Shifts on Shalavee.com

Of recent, my computer had a behavior problem after its operating system got updated. And for a week now, I just assumed it ate my sticky notes, the little pretend post it notes on my desktop that hold some of the profound thoughts and understandings I have come across of recent. And now that they’ve been suddenly returned to my computer, I clearly see a shift that happened for me in the past six months.

And that shift was about valuing myself.

Here’s most of the quotes on my sticky notes.

I love and accept myself

I respect and honor myself

I can achieve anything I desire

I believe in myself

I deserve to be loved and respected by those around me

 

Even knowing that

you have the power

to change things

changes things. -Me-

The Subtleties of Shifts on Shalavee.com

 

Your task is not to seek for love,

but merely to seek and find

all the barriers within yourself

that you have built against it.

~ Rumi

You will be your own destiny and your own reason why.” -Me-

 

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas

Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.” — Hafez–

I am struck by this shift in the value of myself. Was that what I was working on for all this time? Yes. Did I recognize how much I had begun to truly own that shift? No. The daily doing and expectations that we all subject ourselves to can truly bury the important stuff. If we aren’t giving ourselves the credit for the work we’re doing, it’ll feel like we’re standing still. If we keep raising the bar, we never see how much we’ve risen to meet it.

The Subtleties of Shifts on Shalavee.com

We are all moving, maybe at a slug’s pace, but moving all the same if we are doing the work we need to do to make this happen. The change in perceptions and the feelings we experience will take as long as they take to deliver us there. But in the end, we will arrive and, if our eyes are open, we’ll see we have endured the most amazing slow ride to get there.

Want to read more about Shifts?

Craving the Shift

The Shift : My Decision to Not Be Sucky

Awaiting the Shift from If to When

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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