search
top

A Round-Up of Summer Thoughts

Having just returned from a two night quickie vacation to Pennsylvania to visit friends and see Gettysburg for the first time, I am still feeling the remnants of a perspective shift. It is kindness to give yourself a break this way occasionally as day-to-day workings can get kinda repetitive. And what the break gave me was permission to be on a break. My day-to-day can feel so stringent and non-permissive that it begins to feel oppressive.A round-up of Summer thoughts on Shalavee.com

I’m a task master. When I decide it’s time to be doing something, it’ll happen. But without time off, the tasks start to feel like a prison. My well intended purposeful doing good choices begin to feel like dreadful obligations. And I can use a break from my Super Ego. So off we went where all I had to do was drive and decide where to pee and eat. It was rather mindless.

Coming back into my zone/life, I had scheduled a sinus surgical procedure that, while giving me hope for a future without perpetual sinus infections, had me dreading and holding my breath for what I would endure for the next couple weeks. I decided that I can indulge in whatever I want up until my surgery until I was well. I said yes to all bread products and wine and I continue until I’m given the OK to exercise this Wednesday. And by then, I think I’ll have gotten my fill of Summer yumminess. A round-up of Summer thoughts on Shalavee.com

It’s OK to be afraid, especially if they’re putting you under. It’s OK to be compassionate even though you may not even know what that means at first. It’s OK to enjoy what little Summer there is left and not worry about the repercussions. Because this is all the time we get with our children before they get on the buses and go back or start school.

So I am here enjoying the unseasonably cool August weather. Kitchen’s clean, laundry’s done, and I have a few moments to sit and read or write. That is what Summer has simmered down to. The now. And I’m darn glad to have a now.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Woman’s Inhumanity to Herself : Self-Bullying

I admittedly had a tough first month of Summer. And if you read the intro to yesterday’s post, you’ll understand that this is a recent self-doubt storm unfolding.

When I took a harder look at what caused this, I’d say it was the result of a pretty bad should storm. My own inhumanity to myself was the cause. One where no matter how hard I’d work or diet or do, I wasn’t going to be good enough. I was defeated and thrashing and depleted. And I’d say I was a victim of my own complete lack of compassion.

I’d never have thought myself a heartless or mean person. I am kind and supportive to anyone who I can see is confused or in pain. But somehow it seems, I cannot afford myself the same compassion. And without that compassion, I end up just being a bully. Because that’s how that works.

I was aghast at thought that I was bullying myself. Yes, Self-bullying. I’m not a bully-er. But what else is a person who constantly berates another for being fat and fearful? Who, despite apparent disadvantages, expects more than they can possibly do. Who asks to be pleased and performed for and for complete compliance. You call them a bully.

Woman's Inhumanity to Herself on Shalavee.com

So, I have pulled back on the expectations. I am taking some industrial strength self-care of myself. And I am gently asking what else I can do to serve her needs for happiness. I am ignoring what the scale says and instead donning clothing that fits who I am now and makes me feel good about her. I am pledging that, to the very best of my ability, I will stop bullying myself. I will stop spending that wasted energy on negativity and start choosing to nurture and protect the very noble and authentic parts of myself that need to shine instead.

Anything here ring true for you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

Save

Catching Up and Telling the Truth

What a slippery perspective buster “truth” is. The truth is that this first month and a half of Summer has been rough. Not in the hard ways my Summers used to start , but in very personal ways. Ways I was not even telling myself about.

Today’s truth is that I am still awaiting the steroid injections I received two days ago in my ouchy SI joints to take effect. I’m still holding my breath for the positive outcome. I’ve fought my way here and still there’s truly no change. And continued pain messes with your mind a little as it drains your good will, your hope, and your ease.

Truth is I cancelled my second round of Weight Watchers, because after three months, I didn’t lose a single pound. And I just felt like a watched pot. I refused to boil. catching up and telling the truth on Shalavee.com

 

Personally, and professionally, I had set high expectations and goals I had to rise to so I could be the person I have always meant to be Right Now, knowing everything and producing brilliance. The disparity in my actuality vs my intentions made me so disconcerted, I chewed my lip apart for most of June. If it feels like you are living for another’s approval, you probably are.

We are at the half way point of Summer with one more Summer Camp next week and looking forward to one more mini-vacation which I’m hoping will be relaxing. But I have a sinus surgery lined up right afterwards for mid-August. It is radical self-care act for me to do this, long overdue, but it is also impending doom looming in my not too distant future. I’m scared.

For me, getting perspective on all of this means you write it all up and then you let it go. What are your suggestions for not dreading and instead being present?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How Summer Did Not Start Out Like Plummeting Space Junk

(If you’d like to listen to me read this post, there’s an audio recording at the bottom of the post. Scroll down and Just press play and Soundcloud will do the rest)

In Summers past, I have entered the season like a plummeting piece of space junk. My landings are often fast and furious, and usually neurotic and messy. I even posted a warning to myself last year in case I’d forgotten what craziness Summer usually brings me. But if I told you this Summer’s first week was uneventful, would I believe it?

Let me fill you in on what miracles I arranged for myself prior to the start of this Summer. I had Summer camps paid for and shot records delivered in March. I asked our babysitter to pinch hit for two days per week so that I could have creative alone time at home and Fiona could have one-on-one time with someone. And I went and bought me a portable air-conditioner to plop in my craft room thus eliminating the excuse that it was too hot to create or write. I wrote about this last Week in a post titled A Controlled Creative Climate.How Summer Did Not Start Out Like Plummeting Space Junk on Shalavee.com

 

I made space and possibility for myself so that I could get to catching up and creating immediately. And it has made me almost a nervous wreck. Because easier sometimes isn’t … until it is.

 

Over oatmeal this morning, my husband says,”So things are going really good for you right? What with the extra time and the space?” and I say, “Not so much”. And I explain to him that I feel a different kind of whacky. And he says,”Oh, it’s the blank check syndrome”, and I smile and ask him what that is. He says,”You have all the money and time and permission in the world and you’re stuck because there’s no limitations.” And I’m saying, “Yes! That’s it” before he’s even finished.

I made space and possibility for myself so that I could get to catching up and creating immediately.

And it has made me almost a nervous wreck.

I have had limitations and restrictions on me all my life. Being confined and miserable is where I am most comfortable. It’s the happiness set point and most of my life, it’s been set in the unhappiness zone. Now I have the possibility to move out of that zone and I don’t know how to deal with it or feel about it…again. I know that I’ve been here before and I’m currently searching for the right mindset to live in so that I can relax into this boon I have given myself and stop chewing on my lip. Last Fall, my therapist and I talked about how happiness makes me nervous . I’m glad I have a blog to search my own terms and breakthroughs ! How Summer Did Not Start Out Like Plummeting Space Junk on Shalavee.com

So I continue to stay watchful of myself and am creating everyday in my newly cooled quiet craft room. It has only been a week since Summer has started and there’s quite a few more weeks to go. I am grateful that my process is being upgraded every year and hoping to share some of our happy Summer moments and my creative breakthroughs with you throughout.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

A Controlled Creative Climate

For the longest time, I have wanted my own creative space. I have carved them out of back rooms and basements. In this house, I have use of a sun porch which we call the craft-room. It would seem that would be good enough until I can’t be in there alone without “company” and then the Summer weather makes the room unbearably hot.

But don’t be fooled, this isn’t just about the actual space to physically create in. This is also about the mental space and permission with which to be our truest selves. I have waged a battle inside that had me losing the opportunity to create regularly until now.

A controlled creative climate on Shalavee.com

 

 

When we are in a creativity mode, we need to know that we are safe. We are our inner children wanting to play uninterrupted. The irony that our actual children steals that away from us is an unfunny life joke. Seems a fair enough request to ask for regular recess in our play rooms but our inner adults often have better more productive plans for us. Eventually we give up and we resolutely stuff our “childish” desires down some dark hole in our psyche.

In my case, my inner child began to tantrum. And what I came to understand was that not only did I need to allow her to indulge in her recess, I needed to create a safe environment in which she could play free of judgements and distractions. And then she needed to trust that when she wanted to play, I’d create time and space again for her. This is exactly the process by which I’ve begun to trust myself.

A controlled creative climat on Shalavee.com

So this Summer, to further indulge my need to create safely, I’ve hired a sitter to regularly engage my daughter (CRAZY COOL) and purchased a mobile air conditioner for my craft room (COOL LIKE CRAZY). Which means I can close the door and create at will. There are no more obstacles and I feel slightly giddy.

This is how I am creating a space to grow into. Like setting an empty box down to be filled with a project of yet unnamed magnitude. I’m nervous at the prospect of having no more excuses in some ways but I’m also giddy at the notion of possibilities. And all it took was circumventing my excuses, ridding my roadblocks, and taking responsibility to keep my inner artist safe until she can come out to play.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

« Previous Entries

top