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Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem

Back to my therapy office this week after a long hiatus, I asked my therapist to help me continue to work on my value. That seems to be one area that is slow to move and grow in. Kinda like when we ran out of gas on the highway that one time and even adding 5 gallons wasn’t enough to start the car. (Fuel injection is persnickety that way. I curse gasoline anyway.) Sometimes the progress is imperceptible and doesn’t feel like enough.

Once your supply of esteem gets down below a certain point, I think it takes a lot to pull it back up to a functional place. A lot! And it’s the kinda thing where I think I’ve filled it up and then something big and bad happens and I feel it draining out the holes of my self-doubt and then those little niggling lies that you’ve heard in your head all your life creep back in. And you’re toasty.Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

I thought today how low self-esteem and not valuing your worth is the reason for a lot of the crazy things people do. There are people who create mirages of perfection online so that no one will see they aren’t perfect. There are people who manipulate you to like them by outright lying. And the bullyers are plopping their self-doubt on your head so they don’t have to look at it in their own hats. Nasty people, harassing people, and depressed people are all suffering from the same deficit of self-love. We know what this feels like so you’d think we’d be a little more compassionate?Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

But when you are staring at your own bleak walls, it’s awful hard to think of anyone else but yourself. And that makes me know that to be of any help in the world, I need to not be operating from this dark place anymore. I can not help the world or anyone else if I don’t have my inner room cleaned up and a little brighter. So I again go in to fight the good fight for truth and value, being my own super hero and asking for the world to mirror me the truth of my worth. Because I think mostly, we are all good and a little broken. And I respect your process to find a better place to be if you aren’t happy where you are.

Who’s with me and where are you? Do you have a problem valuing you too?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Why I’m OK Teaching a Creativity Workshop

If I had a dime for every time I heard, “Oh Shalagh you are so creative”, I’d at least have five bucks. This became one of those phrases that made me twitch perhaps because I didn’t think of myself as having any kind of creative superpowers which was obvious to them but not to me, until it finally was. I think perhaps what they meant was they wished they knew the secret creative permission spell too.Why I'm OK Teaching a Creativity Workshop on Shalavee.com

Fast forward to the past several years when I intentionally indulged myself in creative challenges to gain creative confidence. I followed many of my creative curiosities until I finally owned that I was an Uber-creative. And I am beginning to understand that I believe in creative living aka Creativism as a way of life, one that is at odds with the consume and destroy mode of existence I see all too much of.

So if there is a purpose to my life, one of the facets seems to be sharing my creativity with others so that they too have permission to create.  To this end, I am offering a creativity workshop locally this Fall because I believe that everyone can benefit, and perhaps heal, from increased creativity in their lives.Why I'm OK Teaching a Creativity Workshop on Shalavee.com

Each of us looks to understand ourselves based on our interaction with the world. The advertising propaganda would have us believe conformity and possession would be our best safe bet to easy existence. But in fact, we crave to understand our uniqueness through our interactions. We long to be carefree, to be unique and yet connected to our community at the same time. We want self-confidence that comes from owning our own uniqueness and perspective. Not only are these human needs, they are only a few of the many benefits of creativity.

Somehow, as we become older, we conform to the idea that creativity will get us outcast from the tribe. That we need to focus only on the earning of money and security for our family. My hope is that by opening up a conversation with people, and consequently they with themselves, the tantalizing benefits will begin to tickle people slightly out of their fear zones so that they may try creativity in small bursts in their lives. A little creativity in one’s life is better than none. And the money people can save by ceasing to try to find themselves by spending rather than creating will make it an even more enticing proposition.Why I'm OK Teaching a Creativity Workshop on Shalavee.com

My final realization is that I don’t have to a “professional” artist to legitimize my knowledge and experience around creativity. I can be a small “a” artist. I only need to acknowledge that I am creative and share what I feel and know to be my truth around this process as it relates to my growth and development as a more rounded human being. I can honestly say that the permission I have given myself to create has created a better happier more confident me. And that is a completely good thing.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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Social Media is Good For You

The increased use of social media has changed the world in ways many people will suggest are all bad. Saying that this new crop/generation of ego soaked narcissists wouldn’t have come about without the social media medium is short-sighted. My thought is that this medium just gave everyone a voice that they were already feeling entitled to use while disregarding anyone else. It didn’t make them this way, it just aided them to be heard.And watching this definitely made many of us a little more shy online.

But just because that’s what you hear and see, this still doesn’t mean all of us are having that same distasteful experience. In fact my social media experience has become quite the opposite and I am bowled over at how my esteem was raised up so much by strangers on the internet.

If you Google search “the effects of social media”, you get a pretty bad laundry list of how people’s psyches are crumbling under the pressure of the cult of perfect on the internet. I want you to like me, I am compelled to control that, and so I put false and perfect images up of myself so that you’ll ooh and ahh and won’t cast me out of the tribal circle. Except, the false-self will be very unhappy with the whole thing and eventually, in your attempts to be a perfect, you will fail to trust the very acknowledgement you receive.Social Media is Good For You on Shalavee.com

…Have the faith that if you are just you, that those who are meant to be your friends will know you with their eyes closed and their minds open.

The opposite of fake is authentic. And I now know that authenticity comes from you creating a space for you to be yourself. That it is highly risky, yes, but when you hand your true you over to strangers repeatedly and they still like you? You got a good thing going on. And so was my tale of how Instagram has changed my life.

The story about how this medium elevated me from my dragging self-esteem to being a daring doer, is all about how I made lovely friends all over the world and trusted that what they were telling me was true. That not only didn’t I suck, I soared. My ideas were valid and wise. My art and pictures were interesting and beautiful. And that I was genuinely a someone that people wanted to be friends with and still do.Social Media is Good For You on Shalavee.com

This was about seeing myself through a previously non-existent mirror. And building myself up with risks and achievements I’d accomplished which then were echoed time and again by strangers who became my friends. That is how I see social media in my world. I am a benevolent loving presence in many people’s lives. I have exchanged letters with them and met with them and Skyped with them. And I am never disappointed at how wonderful the women of the world are. And how they show up for me when I ask them to. Very validating indeed.

Social media isn’t as sucky as social media would have you think. It’s all in the way that you use it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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When Being at Home Can Happen Anywhere

My daily prayer is for a shift. Please let my mind shift to see me and my world and my potential differently today. To value what I have and what I know with respect and reverence. I leave the house hoping to break my “same brain”. And I do for a little while driving or shopping. And then I return home and I feel the inevitable slip back into my rut.

In the light of the upcoming birthday party and having guests over, I am doing some home renovations. Throw a party and you’ll make progress. My hallway is getting a long overdue facelift. 2 gallons and two quarts of paint later, the hallway is completely different. And while I am feeling thrilled and empowered with this change, I also have simultaneously discovered the home and safe passage I am looking for is nowhere I can physically touch. The home I truly seek is within me.When being at home can happen anywhere on Shalavee.com

Whether in my heart or in my soul, the safety and comfort I’m seeking is inside of me. It’s the comfort of a place where I can trust being me. It is the safety of knowing that I will not allow anyone to mistreat or disrespect me here. Trust in myself is like the biggest most comfortable couch to lounge on. You either own it or you don’t.

Although I do think the change in my abode will do me a world of good, the courage for the change is coming from a change inside of me. 12 years ago I renovated a house down the street and made it my shop. I boldly painted the floor there and loved it. Today I took the chance again and painted the floor of my home and I love it again. Go figure.When being at home can happen anywhere on Shalavee.com

I had to toss out some of the same fears that I always had about painting wooden floors and just had to do it to make me happy. I am certain that, in this same way, I need to just plow over some of my fears about success that keep me stuck. The fears need to be renovated or tossed because they have kept me staring at the same ugly uncomfortable couch for far too long. I’d rather sit on the floor with some nice throw pillows than feel the burden and dread of that same old seat on that smelly old fear couch. What would you do to be your own hero today?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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Looking For Good Enough

I’ve gone through spells of uneasiness recently. Days or patches where something is off. When I don’t feel great about what I’m doing or the day itself. And I realized it may be a little voice that says things are not quite good enough. My expectations and my actualities are not evening out.

I wrote in my journal,”I suspect my expectations are to blame. And I know I never give myself enough space or credit for my actuality. I continue to wait for some fairy godmother perspective shift.

I suspect that somewhere somehow I got it in my head that there would be this eureka moment when I would get the biggest Aha of my life and I’d completely break the confusing code of what am I here to do and why. I’ve been waiting for a lightning strike while I am actually moving along anyway, just a lot slower than my expectations.

Because when you deep down believe it’s not good enough, your poster life doesn’t match up to your real today life. So I thought, what does good enough really look like and let me paint a picture of that to put on my wall to stare at instead.Looking for good enough on Shalavee.com

What Good Enough Looks Like

When I don’t go looking for reasons to be unhappy with my life and myself.

When I stop doubting my ability to parent myself, to rely on myself, to follow myself to true happiness

When I trust myself

When I see myself in the mirror and don’t judge what I see badly

When I look at any possibility that tickles my fancy and say I can do that

When I feel the value that my being here has just because I’m here

And as I was wandering around reading random internet posts yesterday, I fell upon another concept that I think is also at work here. On Liz Smith’s Connected Life blog, she speaks here about Deepok Chopra’s concept that in each of us there is an everyday self and a deeper true self. The true self is essentially your soul. It is where you are when you feel contented. Your true self is certain and clear about your life where the everyday self can get easily influenced by chaos and other people’s opinions and will forget your true self even exists.Looking for good enough on Shalavee.com

It takes a good deal of mindfulness to train your brain to concentrate on thinking and existing in a truer place. And that is what I need to keep my eyes on when I feel a not enough spell coming on. I almost laughed out loud today when I realized that I already know what I know. And that just because I don’t believe it doesn’t make it any less true. When I write, I write what I know. And I find out what I know by writing. So I guess the only way to find out if I know enough is to start writing. The stories we tell ourselves keep us from finding out the truth. And I suspect the truth here is that I certainly know enough to write a book on what I know!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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