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Your Should is a Leak of Your Happiness

In the middle of writing in my journal this morning, thinking about my next round of tasks, I felt a sudden twitch. It was a should. I thought… instead of just floating about, I should have a plan on which way I’m sailing my blog boat. Everyone else seems to have one… And then I stopped myself and wrote this on my journal page, “ There’s a should. It came and stuck itself to the page. It’s like a hole for feelings of accomplishment to leak out.” Indeed. Your should is a leak of your happiness on Shalavee.com

No quicker way to take the wind out of your sails or cut yourself off at figurative knees than to compare your progress to others and to an unknown but infinitely better destination than the one you are occupying now. As long as this place in time or in your process isn’t good enough, you are doomed to feelings of inadequacy. Your should is a leak of your happiness on Shalavee.com

And I get the feeling that at its core, should also discounts all progress and only focuses on what you have yet to do. Or have begun to regret not doing. I’ve often have a problem acknowledging my real accomplishments continuously looking to the future. After realizing I’m a overfocused industrious type, I have come to understand that the simplicity of celebration is precious and clears the board to begin again. And a mindless should can steal away the joy and pride of anything I’ve done. So I double dog dare that word to come around again or I’ll gut it again and show it up for the sneaky undermining bastard it is.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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What You Must Think of Me

 

It would be impossible not to consider what others think of me. Were I not a writer, you couldn’t prove I care. But I must care a little to want you to read what I’ve written. Or is it possible to be thankful that others approve but not base your own value on what others think. That has been a problem my entire life. Until now.what you must think of me on Shalavee.com

Surely I can come off to some as a bit pompous and a loopy, talking about all this touchy feely stuff. Liberal spoutings of a girl who refuses to see what the world really is. But I submit that every last thing you see and perceive is based on your assumptions, your perceptions, and filtered by what you need to have it be.

My anxieties have run my picture show for a long long time. You may have noticed I am always busy. I kept busy, never had any ending so I didn’t have to hear what a crappy job I did. Never stop, never get criticized. I really cared too much about what you might think so I distracted you and me with busy. But unless that busy is satisfying for me, it never feels good.what you must think of me on Shalavee.com

To be beautiful means to be yourself.

You don’t need to be accepted by others.

You need to accept yourself.
THICH NHAT HANH —

So this Christmas I gifted myself with the gift of no longer giving a shoot what anyone but me thinks. I can now trust myself to take care of my needs. My anxiety doesn’t run the show and so I am trusting in my decisions on my behalf for my happiness. Turns out happiness is the best everything.

And I’d like to think if it makes me happy, you’d be happy for me. Because what kind of world do I live in if I’m always frightened of the negative feelings I perceive everyone will have about me. Keep your mean to yourself and spread the nice. I hand out compliments because I love how they feel when I receive them. They’re candy to the soul. And everyone can use some soul candy every once in a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Your Worth and Your Community

It keeps coming up in my life, the importance of community to me. Aside from the understanding of community’s importance to our survival, where many hands guarantee we will eat and sleep safely under shelters, community is a place to find our own personal worth. That my gift to my community, however small, is still very important. My efforts are never without impact or purpose. It’s only in valuing this that the circle is completed. That the community itself is a life force, an entity that holds the people within, each with their own cog of the wheels that turn.

When you belong to a club, a church, or a group, you often join in the middle of its history. People with like minds and similar loves have come before and worked to create a place for me to belong. A “cloud of witnesses” is around us cheering us on to fulfill our purposes, do what we need to do, be together doing it.

And the notion that we are never alone but as a civilization of communities tied together, there’s a butterfly effect. Each of us unwittingly influences the other. In how we spread our thoughts, our generosity, our kindness, our smiles. How we live out loud with integrity and vulnerability to give another person courage. This is our gift to our communities and to the world.worth in your community on Shalavee.com

To be our best selves and to model what it looks like to be human and fallible and present. That each person has an inherent worth , a nobility of existence that in recognizing it’s value, rises the concept of community to a new level. That is the community I see myself belonging to. Will you join me?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Compassion Breeds Confidence : Ditching the Judgement

Seems women are less compassionate towards themselves than men. Men will rate their own efforts way better than women will judge their own efforts. Somehow our need to care-take the world means that we have to reserve our compassion for others? We need to work ourselves to exhaustion for the sake of everyone. Martyrdom is then a complete lack of self-compassion and crediting our efforts. Why are we saving the world and driving ourselves into the ground if we just end up being mean to ourselves?

Mean shouldn’t be our motivation to work. But when we aren’t being loving or compassionate with anyone including ourselves, that’s what it is. Judgement is the opposite of compassion. So not only are we ignoring our needs, we’re judging ourselves for having them. We’re berating and punishing and denying ourselves basic care needs. For what purpose? Compassion breeds confidence on Shalavee.com

If we were compassionate with ourselves, as we imagine we are with everyone else, and told ourselves that everyone has days like this and it’s OK to be sad or mad and keep trying, we’d have more room for our humanity. We’d have permission to clean up life’s little messes more quickly, we’d have a better sense of humor too probably.

And as we kept trying to just deal with our lives the best we could and allow for opportunities as well as the failures, we’d have many more opportunities to gain confidence. In the end we’d feel better about ourselves and our abilities. We’d be showing up to mother ourselves in the fashion we expect ourselves to do with our children. And I’d bet we’d rate our efforts more highly.Compassion breeds confidence on Shalavee.com

Because, PS , our children will do to themselves as they see us doing to ourselves. You can not hide who you are and what you believe. And if you are a self-critical judgement-aholic, you’ll raise one. Want a child with confidence, treat yourself with kindness and care, know where you stop and they start and draw the line for the sake of your love. You will be glad to have steered your family in that direction.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit. If you Sign up for my newsletter in the sign up box over there to the right, you’ll receive a first look-see at my Creative Mothers’ Manifesto! Heartfelt impassioned words on the need for expressing creativity for your soul and being a better mother for it.

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How I Make Your Triumphs into My Losses

I feel bad about the way I’ve treated you. You are such a good friend but I have a guilty secret. Sometimes I put you up on a pedestal and then use your accomplishments to feel bad about myself. I want to celebrate with you and feel like your equal, but I just end up feeling inferior. And I feel that I’ve put a great big blockage into our relationship.

Remember when you announced that amazing break you had last year? I know you worked hard to get it and I was immediately conflicted between wanting to celebrate with you and wanting to be soooo jealous of you. I hope you didn’t notice I made it all about me. I’d be mortified if you noticed. So I just keep my jealousy to myself and live my own life of desperation and futility.Playing on the floor on Shalavee.com

I work so hard to come up with brave tasks to tackle. I challenge my fears at every corner doing the things I dread most in order to improve myself. But then another post comes up that tells me you had something else great happen to your career or your house or your family. And then I spiral. I compare your outsides to my insides and always come up with the crappier end of the equation.

I’m not the only one I know who does this. You might do it too. And that’s maybe why I bring this up. Because if you knew I was doing it and I knew we were doing it together then maybe we’d have a better time of feeling good about being right where we are. Accomplishments and failures alike, we are just all coexisting and hoping for happiness. the tunnel on shalavee.com

So I promise the next time I want to take your success and add it to my failure column, I’ll stop. And I’ll try to remember that there were probably many items and things in your life that didn’t go so well too. That you didn’t share those but if we talked, you might. So for now, I’m going to value my life on my own merits and not on the demerits I got from your good fortune.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit. If you Sign up for my newsletter in the sign up box over there to the right, you’ll receive a first look-see at my Creative Mothers’ Manifesto! Heartfelt impassioned words on the need for expressing creativity for your soul and being a better mother for it.

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