search
top

Does “Self-respecting” Describe the Parent and Self-parent You Are?

My daughter is just starting elementary school now in Pre-K. I am again besieged by notifications and permission slips galore just like back when Eamon was in Kindergarten and there was “homework”. See my recent repost of my piece Kindergarten Homework here. All sorts of good intentions being bantered back and forth between educator and parent about how to best raise/educate our kids.

Within a hunk of papers distributed by the school this week, a subscription newsletter from a parents-institute, I read this headline:

“Parents Must Encourage their Children to Develop Self-respect”

Does “Self-respecting” Describe the Parent and Self-parent You Are? on Shalavee.com

( I immediately thought, Well yes, and what about those parents who already see educators as bossy jackasses thinking, “you can’t tell me what I must do with my kids because I’m not going to be bossed by smartass educational type people”. Shut that down.)

Of course I knew it was well-meant and read further. Essentially, children who are disrespectful don’t have any self-respect. Sometimes that’s what hides behind lack of respect for authorities. If we don’t value ourselves, we’re certainly not valuing others. And eventually the justice system needs to show us our worth. This is what the article said self-respect came down to being composed of.

Self-respect comes from:

Competence – Being good at things makes your kid feel good. Children need lots of opportunities to master skills and feel good about themselves while they do. New skills from sports to art to chores can give them a chance to like themselves while they master those skills. And no one standing over them telling what a bad job they did either.

Accomplishments – They need their progress seen and noted.By everyone but mostly by parents. See above.

Confidence – This can be about pointing out how all the work paid off and acceptance that sometimes we falter to succeed. Mistakes can be learned from and we need to know we can rely on ourselves to make things happen.

Freedom – Allow kids to be independent and make their own age-appropriate choices. Let them chose when things can be done and how sometimes. Showing them you trust them makes them trust them.

Support – Accept your children for who and what they are. Let them belong to the family instead of having to fit into your vision of what they should be. Ask them about their day. Listen and witness their answers and help solve their problems if they ask for it.

Imitation – Be the person you want them to model themselves after. They will do as you do. So if you have low self-esteem and anxiety issues, they will too. Be kind to yourself and stand firm for them with their demands as well so that they may see what standing firm looks like.

Does “Self-respecting” Describe the Parent and Self-parent You Are? on Shalavee.com

Invisible sword fighting

If you paid attention to even most of these, you’d have a pretty great kid. Personally, I got lost between the family cracks and did not have most of these attentions paid me but yes, I’m paying them to my kids. And then I thought, what kind of parents are we to ourselves? I feel like I can tend to be on the side of almost abusive self-parenting if I allow me to continue to berate and judge myself for the myriad of things I seem to do “wrong”.

What if we took these steps above and applied them to ourselves, which is truly necessary if we are actually parents because our kids do as we do, not as we say. What kind of parents do we want to be to ourselves? Compassionate and kind or judgemental and punitive?  Just like these children, we go out into the society and make our own contributions based on our self-worth and respect so shouldn’t we give ourselves these gifts as well to give us an edge up on our lives? I could use with a little more self-respect in my world, couldn’t you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Plans and Choices Are Yours to Make

When I became a new Mom, I perfected part of my system of finding hope by making plans. I would go to the library and collect books on whatever my questioned subject was. And then I would read and read and read. I’d grab some knowledge tidbit from these books and make a plan to use it. This would give me hope to change the outcome I’d been enduring, (think baby perpetually waking at 3 am or continuing to stand up in crib instead of falling asleep) and get me through the days better by fighting my anxiety with an action plan. My confidence was still wobbly but, armed with more knowledge, I believed I had the power to solve my problem.

 

There is no one right way to do self-development. We are all unique and our needs are different for each. Sure we may all benefit from some of the same skill-building exercises but our journeys and life recipes for success are so specific to us, we can not follow anyone’s path but our own.Plans and choices on Shalavee.com

 

Our paths and the choices we make to create them are unique and specific to us. No one but you can tell you what this looks like. You need to tell you. As scary as that is, it’s also liberating. We have the right , the freedom, and the obligation to create our own paths using our own intuitions. Out intuition tells us what we need to know and learn next. And the largest trick, after admitting we’re the ones controlling our lives and our futures, is tuning into our intuitions and hearing what they say.

 

But if we listen hard enough, we can hear hope and excitement burbling up out of our souls. When we engage in pursuing our curiosity and our passions, we discover the ideas and the plans that will be the choices that work for us.

Plans and choices on Shalavee.com

I believe it’s never too late to start listening to ourselves. To give the credibility of choices to our inner child to decide a direction of joy for us to pursue even part-time is a balloon for your soul. My wise husband says, “If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right.” And I want to say that definitely applies to your life as a whole. So follow your inklings and twinklings and see where they take you. And listen to everyone who makes sense until they stop. And to yourself when you start.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

Re-establishing Trust With You is the Most Important Thing You’ll Ever Do

Re-establishing trust with you is the most important thing you’ll ever do

It takes witchcraft to conjure items from nowhere and that’s exactly what it feels like when you’re attempting to manifest a feeling you’ve truly never felt before like happiness and self-confidence.

Being OK with me was hidden in secret magical fairy tale dimension that I’d only read about in make-believe or self-help books. The concept of self-esteem was so foreign, it seemed something someone made up to be cruel to people like me. But even through my skepticism, I’ve continued to work hard on finding this elusive but apparently very necessary item.

Lurches and leaps and lapses in faith littered my way from there to here. Yet I keep adding drops into my bucket to fill my self-esteem bucket up. I trusted myself when I made decisions to risk and won. I saw myself in a different more valuable way when a community rose up around me to support me. I dedicated myself to my therapy homework and to writing what I felt and putting it in front of you dear reader.Re-establishing Trust With You is the Most Important Thing You'll Ever Do on Shalavee.com

And recently, I’ve grabbed another book to continue to build a connection with myself that is stronger and more honest and trustworthy. I am writing five acknowledgements every day of things that I have done. And as simple as that may seem, something is shifting. I am feeling my word is good to myself. I am keeping myself from rushing off to the future and am focusing on the present.

The process will be different for everyone. Many people get to start of with less of a deficit. They may have half as much work to do to find a way of seeing themselves within the world that’s purposeful and important and uniquely necessary. But that is always the truth whether you’ve found it out or not yet. And there are most likely lots of loving people in your life who have waited and hoped for you to make that discovery. So give yourself an opportunity to find your voice again and make yourself at home in the safety of being you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Connecting the Parts

Last Summer, I agreed with the small girl inside me that she needed my help to heal. And together, we acknowledged her needs and demands to be allowed to create and play. I participated in creative challenge after creative challenge until reestablished trust with my inner child around the need for play.My adult and child parts were beginning to reconnect.

I have felt a need to heal another part of myself recently. She was the teen me who was so daring, took chances, and showed the world what she was made of. She was intoxicating and dangerous, crafty and self-sufficient. And I’ve been missing her a lot recently. Connecting my parts on Shalavee.com

Seems that we need to acknowledge that we are multifaceted and each part of us formed at different times in our lives, needs to work together as a team. If we don’t, and don’t trust ourselves to play well and negotiate our needs kindly, we will always be at a deficit. I have been working hard for years to understand what it is I’ve been saying to myself and I’m just getting to the point where I am beginning to trust my own choices, my reliability, and my compassion.

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves

and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas ~

We are all our own leaders. We need to find a way to work well within ourselves so that we may continue on trusting our own voices telling us what we need, what we’re passionate about, and hearing what others are saying, good and bad, so that we may make the best decisions about what we need to do next. Lead ourselves on through our own personal terrains.

I am not fearless nor fearsome. My fear is there but it need not run the show anymore. It can witness me making these continual choices to be kind to my inner child and embrace the passion of my teen self. And when the time comes for me to be done, I can tell fear thanks for the help but I’m glad I did it my way after all.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Not Enough is Not Enough is Not Enough

Enough, like Esteem, is one of those concepts I revisit again and again hoping to coax out the secrets to unlocking the spell it holds over me. I am certain that the key to releasing me from the state of not enough lies closer to me than ever before. Can you feel the “not enough” curse in your life too? I was Looking For Good Enough back in February and made some realizations here.

There is an epidemic of consumerism, an obesity of possession. People still mesmerized by the media that tells them what they should value can be bought in wagon loads for less at their local Superstore. And the economy rumbles on on the debts from home-improvements and blatant overspending of your neighbors. My in-law conceded, “You’ll always be in debt so you might as well enjoy yourself.” Not Enough is Not Enough on Shalavee.com

But what if all that buying still is never enough. What if all your attempts to fill your soul up with stuff doesn’t do “it” for you. Then what? I offer then  that this is not the way to salvation after all. We’re smart beasts, why would we keep falling for this?

I offer that we are just lacking in a connection to our own impact on our world.

That we have lost our faith in our own personal contributing worth. That we need to create a safe space within ourselves to be us instead of trying so hard to be someone else.

That enough starts from within. Always has. Always will.

And perhaps even being aware of what we are unhappy with can open our eyes to be more consciously aware of what enough might actually mean to us. Not Enough is Not Enough on Shalavee.com

I found recently that when I was forced to stop doing doing doing and have a seat, I became more appreciative of what was going on in the present moment. That my kids laughter and the carry out food I didn’t have to cook were mini-miracles. And it was enough for that moment.

Here’s to hoping to find a place to be safe within ourselves, myself, where I am mighty and important to the world. That my unique perspective is valued by me and by you. That my being alive is enough to get me started in directions that make me proud and happy. And that I the “not enough” begins to feel more like a lie than the truth.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

« Previous Entries

top