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They Do As They See

We all mean well as parents. Well most of us. We mess up trying to overcompensate for the advantages we didn’t have as children. We spoil them and we coddle them when all they really need is our undivided attention and our faith in them. But the one thing many of us seem to overlook is that how we treat ourselves shows them how to treat themselves. And that is only a good story if we are good to ourselves.

There is a woman at the exercise gym I belong to who teaches several fitness classes. And her hyper self-loathing comes out when she talks about her body. And we all disagree with her but she judges herself so harshly. And she has a daughter and two sons.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

I have busted myself for self-bullying within the past year so I am very empathetic to this pattern of behavior. Both societal messages of women’s worth and our inherited ancestral low self-esteem have conspired against us to create these running dialogues. Damaging enough until we consider that, unchecked, we will pass these hateful messages on to our daughters. Because they do what they see, not what we tell them to do. They respond to the mirrors we have of ourselves as much if not more than the mirrors of love and worth we think we’re doing so well to reflect to them.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

The opposite of hate is love. The opposite of judgment is compassion. If we can even be aware of what we are doing to ourselves and talk with our daughters about their amazing value as thinkers and kind and creative souls then we could change the tide of self-bullying. To show our children, boys and girls, what it means to be human and compassionate and honest is truly the kind of parenting we want to be doing instead.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

One Thought On Hoarding and Chaos

I’ve been done knowing I need to write a declaration/manifesto about my passions to share with the world on the subjects of Establishing Self-trust by Indulging Creativity and Creativity and Motherhood. Yesterday, I sat down and slogged out a 500 word piece only to find, when I put it in a file with some other Manifestos I’d already written, I’d pretty much written this piece out twice before. And did a better job both times. Again, I stumble on my mental chaos.

This chaos is most evident with all of my computer desktop’s documents and folders and by the multitude of scraps of paper in the miscellaneous folders stacked up around my work places. Reflections of my busy creative mind yes. But also an sign that my chaos keeps me off track.  I am very good at generating ideas but apparently not so good at systematizing them into action. And eventually the spark dies and they get buried inside folder upon folder.One thought on hoarding and chaos on Shalavee.com

So I stood here and decided that once and for all, I’d create one notebook that would keep and contain my current ongoing projects, goals, and thoughts. Why do I not have a system to contain all of this already? Because in keeping myself in chaos, I get to continue to stay invisible and risk free. Who can maintain a thought train and track goal tasks when there’s all of this going on? Brilliantly self-sabotaging. Thank you very little.

I have lived a life of giving up. When you have low self-esteem, you spend a lifetime of giving up. You continue to abandon yourself just as you felt you were abandoned as a child. And so the abandonment of all these sparks and starts and spurts is par for that course. Except, it feels like some sort of horrible nightmare from which I want to awaken. I no longer want to live in chaos, in my mind or in my house.

So today, I finally took a step. Again, I wrangled and considered what I have thought and sorted out new priorities from old. It feels transformative. It feels powerful to stop the cycle. To gather myself and show up for me. The clearing is a life pattern and I accept that it will have to happen many more times in my lifetime. But for now, Good Enough.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

On Bossing Yourself Around

Kids and big folks alike don’t want to be told what to do. At my house we jokingly say,”Because if you tell me to do it, I’m not gonna do it”. We quite openly use reverse psychology on our kids. “Hey Fiona, whatever you do, don’t go to the potty.” And off to the potty she goes. It works every time even though she knows exactly what we are up to. So bossing yourself can prove to be difficult as well.

I think a lot of us never grow out of that punk attitude of not wanting to be told what to do. Besides making it hard to follow instructions to maintain a job, this becomes another problem when we need to direct our own efforts. When we need to administrate and delegate our time and our efforts to meet our goals, we have to tell ourselves what to do and when to do it. If we just spend all of our time letting the wind decide which way we task ourselves, we may end up being quite upset at how we never seem to accomplish anything we think we should be doing.On Bossing Yourself Around on Shalavee.com

I know that creativity is a priority for me. And I have read enough to know that I can not wait for the muse to show up to be inspired to write or draw. These days, I may just sit myself down in the morning while I’m still fresh and write or draw before the gym or the grocery shopping. Self-leadership is the term I now understand to mean guiding myself towards my goals. And coming from an undisciplined punk background, this is a steep concept to embody.

Self-trust is my biggest buzz word. Your “word” needs to be good to yourself before you are trustworthy to the world. If you say you will do something, be that to yourself or someone else, you need to do it and make your word good. Building the self-trust within yourself is the number one pathway I can see to authenticity and self-esteem. If you don’t trust you, you aren’t believing in your commitment and your importance to yourself. And none of my goals will mean anything to me anyway.On Bossing Yourself Around on Shalavee.com

When we commit to guiding or “bossing” ourselves, and carry out our instructions, we prove we are worthy of the trust and we are building a relationship with ourselves. We are making friends with our Body Buddy.  The inner parent gets to boss but also gets to be proud of what you’ve accomplished. And this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance?

At any given moment, we have at least these two choices : we can set to work on the tasks we see ourselves in need of accomplishing to get to where we think we want to go. Or we can give up on ourselves and decide the effort is not worth it. Or we’re not worth the effort. When you don’t feel worthy of the effort, you live a lifetime of giving up.

I asked myself, what is more difficult, giving up or giving yourself a chance? You’d think that working toward something , be it a better life or self-esteem or relationship with yourself would be harder work than giving up. But I think the opposite is true.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

It’s hard work resigning yourself to your lack of worth for the effort. Believing in your complete lack of value is the hardest most painful work of all. To continue to endure your devaluation of yourself is very tough to do and yet, this is what it means to have low self-esteem. Everyday you resign yourself to being less than. You tell yourself you aren’t worth the effort. You recreate what you believe the world told you when you were little.

 

When you don’t feel worthy of the effort,

you live a lifetime of giving up.

 

I stayed in abusive relationships because I didn’t feel worth the effort to leave. I gave up everyday on me and my need to find happiness. But the staying was so much more work than the leaving eventually ended up being. Perpetuating hopelessness is exhausting.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

Telling the truth is actually way easier that maintaining a lie. I chose to recognize that the relationship was a reflection of my bad self-worth. And that I was choosing to keep myself in pain with it and I could be done and no longer choose it. Life got immensely easier after that. And I discover that every time I work hard towards a goal which I’m excited about, the thrill and pride I feel for myself show that was the easiest work I could have done.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Do You Truly Believe About You?

In the bathroom moments ago, I was thinking about what I was going to be doing today. And what are the possibilities (endless). And suddenly I was aware of what I think of my capabilities. Am I the sort of person who can restructure her life to make more important projects happen? Like writing a book? Hold the answer because that instant is when the magic, or the damnation sentencing happens. What you believe is what happens. Mostly.

What we believe in ourselves is what we will create. I ask you, what do you believe about yourself? What do you believe you are capable of? And that immediate answer is your life. Did you hear a negative answer? An “I can’t” in that moment? I then ask, how can that be OK? How can any of us let another day go by for ourselves knowing that our limiting beliefs are OK? And that we are modeling that for our daughters.What Do You Truly Believe About You? on Shalavee.com

So what should we/you do? Anything and everything to take a look at that. To question and refute the message you are settling for that it’s OK if you believe you have no power or have a gift to give. Because that’s such crap. We all have specific and unique talents and qualities that the world needs from us. That our families and friends already value in us. And I believe that it is our most important job to allow the world to benefit from this. To find a way to struggle through to understand our purpose here and stand hard on it.What Do You Truly Believe About You? on Shalavee.com

I have always been intrigued that even though I had the lowest of self-esteem, I still somehow knew that I had enough value to continue to struggle to rise. The faith to believe in my inherent worth. Because truly, if you are a Believer or not, how is it that we are not created equally. How is it possible that we somehow know with certainty that our worth is less than any other miraculous human being. That, my dear friends, is the first refutable lie on the way to finding out what you truly can believe in yourself.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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