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What Low Self-Worth and Capitalism are Causing You to Do

We live in a society where lack of self-worth has become an epidemic. Low self-esteem is the new black. Most of us have come to believe in our inherent worthless and how we have to work hard, be successful, popular, attractive, healthy, wealthy, and be in control to earn worth.

When we were babies, we knew our worth. All that adulation was as it should be. But as we grow up, we become unaware of our true, unlimited worth. We forgot? It was systematically drained from us as we grew.

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon! ”

– William Wordsworth –

We’re convinced that in order to regain this worth, we not only have to earn it, we have to buy it. Our cars and our houses and our children’s accomplishments are proof of our worth. What you believe in me has now become my unobtainable goal.

Capitalism has become our new religion and we’ve sacrificed our selves.

Just a reminder for the next time you are feeling unworthy; reach in your heart and remember everyone has equal worth on this planet when they were born. And somehow, that truly doesn’t diminish. And if after you have reminded yourself of this, you still need a little shopping therapy at Target, so be it.

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Pandemics Happen and then Everything Goes to CBD Oil

In the beginning of the year, I was doing pretty great. I was exercising regularly, losing my Christmas weight gain, writing an essay that I knew would be published, and had some routine going. And then the Pandemic happened. I didn’t implode immediately but the decline of my “self” life was inevitable.

I’ve spent a lifetime giving upon myself. It’s what I grew up with. I’m kinda not worth the effort. I then revert to taking care of others mode. It’s a pattern especially in Summer time. It’s easier to focus on all the household tasks and family needs then try to muster up the structure, time, and separation that I need to take care of me. I give up. It smacks of effort.

The result of this year with the increased pandemic induced anxiety and lack of deeper self-care, is that I’m not feeling my best. I’m heavier than I’ve ever been, out of shape, and can’t seem to initiate any routines. I’ve thought about them but I’m just not worth the effort.

Even with CBD gummies and anti-depressants, there’s no quick cure for low self-esteem. That is an ingrained concept of self that is a lifetime battle. I feel like the self-system that shows my worth with organization and priorities for my time and efforts for myself is knitted with yarn. And it’s unraveling is destined. Because that’s what I’ve decided.Pandemics Happen and then Everything Goes to CBD Oil on Shalavee.com

There’s no quick cure for this. Climbing out of this hole requires conscious effort. Support and witnessing. Intention and insight. These aren’t easily come by when you’ve spent a lifetime doing the opposite. And then I think of my daughter and what she needs to have modeled for her. And as much as I want to fall in a hole, that really isn’t an option.

I need to give her ways to show up for herself when she’s scared. I need to give her these with authority and knowing. I need to model what I didn’t have modeled for me. Because that’s part of what I am here to do. My destiny as it is, was handed to me when she was born. I can not stomach the idea of her giving up on herself.

And so I begin again within the constructs of what I am living. This morning as she sleeps, I write this confession. And know it means something.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Fear Box Hides My Capabilities

Somehow I’ve decided that there is a box I am supposed to stay within. That to venture from the box is certain death. I somehow always know that I am not allowed to imagine myself anywhere else but in the Fear Box. I am denied access to the world of possibilities outside.

But I also know that the key to freedom is in having self-esteem enough to fill my balloon and sail over the walls of the box and out into the world. Feeling capable is the updraft. Capability however is stolen by low self-esteem. Negative judgmental thoughts are the pin that pops the balloon and keeps me in the box.

I have honored my creativity over and over yet I wouldn’t call myself an artist. I have written over 1000 blog posts and yet wouldn’t say I’m a “successful” writer. Yet I have successfully pulled off many special events and parties, decorated Christmas trees, and birthed and raised two beautiful children. I am a highly capable person who is unaware of her capabilities. Because Fear claims that knowing these capabilities would be unsafe.

Staying small and staying safe would be my Fear’s dream vacation. But to my intellect and my inner artist, this is soul death. Once you see that you are smarter than your fear, grateful for it having kept you safe of course, but done kowtowing to it’s every twitch, you end up in charge of your future. A bridge to a new place.

I Can is about to fuel the rest of my life. And I will work harder and be more forgiving than I have ever been towards myself if I can taste the freedom of I Can.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Four Self-Value Phases

This self-valuing process is very slow and laborious. When you start at such a deficit, low low low self-esteem, there’s a lot of work before you even begin to notice yourself. Because it takes as long as it takes. You can not hurry the process of peeling off the layers of self-doubt and disdain and distortion. You can only commit to working through them. Or even begin by recognizing this is even a “thing” that needs working on.

The First phase in the journey then is to recognize you may have any value in the world.

That “worthless piece of trash “ stuff can run pretty deep. If you were abandoned or neglected emotionally by a parent in your formative years, you have a good chance of having low self-esteem. Yes, your parents were doing their best but it might not have been enough at the time. Every child has an innate understanding that they deserve to be loved without strings and patience.

I stayed pretty clueless and isolated for most of my life. So  it wasn’t until I was 40 something before I realized that I had low self-esteem. And then I vowed that I deserved to feel better than this and set out on my journey that has involved therapy, creativity, social media, and medication to help me see me.

The Second Phase in the self-value journey is to see your value through others’ eyes.

This is when you stop isolating and reach out to other like minded people. Through communities both in person and online, I spent many years communicating and creating relationships. This built my esteem in a very basic but wondrous way. I am definitely through that phase but I teeter at the next phase.Four Self-Value Phases on shalavee.comases

The third phase: recognizing my awesomeness myself.

It requires not tossing away people’s compliments like trash but taking them into your heart and letting them sit there like a song bird perched and singing. It requires interacting with people and being your authentic self and seeing you through their eyes and then agreeing with them. And it could require some self-affirmation phrases, as heinous as that may sound. It may ask that you get a therapist to consult a third party neutral on what the truth about you really is.

The last and final phase in the self-value journey is to be Riding that Value like a Magic Carpet ride into your Future. Sounds like a fantasy but I’ve seen people reach that place and begin to live different lives. In order to see more of them, I suppose I need to be one of them.

I highly recommend Jen Sincerro’s Badass books for a boost and a whole different perspective on how the world is rooting for you. I also recommend saying “Thank you” to anyone who gives you a compliment. It’s polite and it may make their day to accept their gift graciously.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I’m Too Much and Not Enough

I often catch myself thinking paradoxical “all or nothing thoughts”. Recently, I heard myself saying, “ I’m too much” and then I realized, I’m also “not enough”. How can I be both at the same time? Or do they neutralize one another? That is what I am now deciding.

Since I was small, I always felt too big. I have always been loud which makes people feel like shushing me. I understood that boys liked pretty girls, not brash girls. That children should be seen and no heard. I had such deep fears and passions, I felt the disapproval when I was bucking the status quo, thinking outside the box. And now I feel like I have been silently grieving the disparate gap between who I knew myself to be and who I tamped myself down to be.I'm Too Much and Not Enough on Shalavee.com

But there is also the part of me that thinks I am not enough. I am not savvy, smart, brave, driven, or thin enough. There is never enough time or money to truly have what I am. And my want will never be filled. Because I don’t want it enough.

I am searching and longing for the me in the middle who is exactly where she needs to be. Who can take up the space she already occupies and who is allowed, nay is destined to take up a bigger space in her world. A gal who neither to big or too small but just right.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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