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On Bossing Yourself Around

Kids and big folks alike don’t want to be told what to do. At my house we jokingly say,”Because if you tell me to do it, I’m not gonna do it”. We quite openly use reverse psychology on our kids. “Hey Fiona, whatever you do, don’t go to the potty.” And off to the potty she goes. It works every time even though she knows exactly what we are up to. So bossing yourself can prove to be difficult as well.

I think a lot of us never grow out of that punk attitude of not wanting to be told what to do. Besides making it hard to follow instructions to maintain a job, this becomes another problem when we need to direct our own efforts. When we need to administrate and delegate our time and our efforts to meet our goals, we have to tell ourselves what to do and when to do it. If we just spend all of our time letting the wind decide which way we task ourselves, we may end up being quite upset at how we never seem to accomplish anything we think we should be doing.On Bossing Yourself Around on Shalavee.com

I know that creativity is a priority for me. And I have read enough to know that I can not wait for the muse to show up to be inspired to write or draw. These days, I may just sit myself down in the morning while I’m still fresh and write or draw before the gym or the grocery shopping. Self-leadership is the term I now understand to mean guiding myself towards my goals. And coming from an undisciplined punk background, this is a steep concept to embody.

Self-trust is my biggest buzz word. Your “word” needs to be good to yourself before you are trustworthy to the world. If you say you will do something, be that to yourself or someone else, you need to do it and make your word good. Building the self-trust within yourself is the number one pathway I can see to authenticity and self-esteem. If you don’t trust you, you aren’t believing in your commitment and your importance to yourself. And none of my goals will mean anything to me anyway.On Bossing Yourself Around on Shalavee.com

When we commit to guiding or “bossing” ourselves, and carry out our instructions, we prove we are worthy of the trust and we are building a relationship with ourselves. We are making friends with our Body Buddy.  The inner parent gets to boss but also gets to be proud of what you’ve accomplished. And this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Can Cards and Excerpts from my Journal

What could speak louder than the words I say to myself, in private. And it happens that some of those words are in written form in my journal, loud and clear for me to reread. I was struck by gratitude at rereading this excerpt and wanted to share my journal entry here so that you my reader could see what great self-talk sounds like.

I am on the precipice of seeing myself as who I truly am and how that is valuable to the world.”

Releasing my wholehearted story was/is magical. It is the story of creativity vs. anxiety. The magic of rediscovering hope. Of beginning again over and over. Of finding my own truths to live by. Of reparenting and reprioritizing my life and self-expression. Affirming, grounding, and cathartic.”

And I must remember in the end it was me saying yes to the opportunity to prove (or disprove) theories about self. That is an amazing gift that I have denied myself. Except this time. And what I found was that I can put myself to a hard writing task and complete it. I can be edited and not die. I can write well and be truthful. I can put myself to a task and complete it on time, even ahead.”Can Cards and Excerpts from my Journal on Shalavee.com

And armed with this feeling of goodwill toward myself and my abilities, I wrote out some “Can Cards”. Squares within which I wrote all the things I know I can do.

I can write well. I can write with a deadline. I can write, edit, and complete. I can design an event and a window well. I can speak from my heart. I can master computer knowledge. I can design graphics. I can connect with people authentically. I can take and make beautiful pictures. I can ask for help. I can tell my story. I can art anytime I want. I can make friends. I can take time for myself. I can make money. I can parent my children well.

I give you these truths from my heart and my journal so that you may benefit from the understanding that we are ever-changing for the better. And self-trust and self-esteem are within our power to increase for our happier lives. I created all of this from what seemed like an abyss.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Following Your Intuition and Figuring It Out as You Go

First, we need to get something clear about life. You can have a well thought out life plan and have every intention of following some set recipe for living and, guaranteed, something happens to make you change your life course. While its nice to have an idea, be ready to throw it all out. Because life in all it’s quirkiness, is about the magic of the chance. It’s about guiding yourself with your intuition.

Your intuition is the one thing you can trust. Your intuition is always reliable. It will never let you down and will never speak to you in a mean way. Understand, that self-critical voice is not your intuition. And although it thinks it’s doing you a favor, it’s just stealing years from you. Pamper your intuition and she’ll take you happier places and you’ll still get it all done and more.Following your Intuition and Figuring it out as You Go on Shalavee.com

Second, you’ll figure it out as you go. If you got what you expected all the time, you’d probably be bored anyway. I’ve found that life is what happens when you are headed somewhere and you have to puzzle it out. Usually the solution isn’t something you’d have seen from far out but required you to be paying attention. And you’ll be proud of yourself. Do you trust yourself to do this well? You’ve got a good resolution resume already.

And PS, that place where you don’t know and you’re figuring it out? That’s creativity. People want to argue that they aren’t creative except, anytime you are drawing from life and your experiences, you are thinking and living creatively.Following your Intuition and Figuring it out as You Go on Shalavee.com

When you take a look at all the stuff you’ve gone through, built up, endured, achieved, and survived, there’s nothing that’s as scary or as big as all of that. Don’t forget yourself. Remember yourself and build from there.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

What Are We Writing For ?

I know a lot of writers. All different sorts of types of writing. I can’t say I’ve read all their stuff because I haven’t but I respect them. All of their hard work and their dedication to what they need to express in their writing is very impressive. Devotion to self-expression is impressive.

And I wonder, what are they writing for?

They know why they are writing and what fuels them. Maybe it’s catharsis. Or to figure something out. To add their unique phrasing and ideas to the world and be authentic within it. Or to hear themselves talk.What Are We Writing For ? on Shalavee.com

Maybe they’re proving to their father that they truly can follow through, they do have talent. Or they don’t feel real to themselves unless they’re writing, that maybe they’re invisible until they see their typing on a page.

Each of us has a story to tell and a reason to tell it. I don’t think it’s important to know anyone else’s Why but my own. I write to find out what I have to say and how I feel about things, my world, and you. And I am addicted to the writing process and the self-discovery.What Are We Writing For ? on Shalavee.com

And I’m writing on behalf those who feel they don’t have a voice. For those who feel invisible and unheard. I write for the girl I used to be and to help you become who you need to be.

I write to exist and I exist to write.

 

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Fear of Failure

Fear has becomes such a buzz word, I think we no longer understand where it resides in our own lives. Our auto-pilot is engaged and we may not even recognize when fear steps in to drive. But unless we’ve done tremendous amounts of self-work, it’s definitely in us, sometimes making our choices or causing depression or a creating a number of other dysfunctional outcomes. Fear blankets our vision, it knows everything we know and so we aren’t always aware it’s always ready to intervene on our behalf.

I am someone who embraces self-knowledge (obviously) and yet, until someone describes specific behavior to me that is fear-based, I’d never know that it’s my ghost driver. In a recent online class I took, the instructor/coach Rhonda Britten describes all the symptoms of fear of failure. And I thought I’d share the ones that struck truest for me.My Fear of Failure on Shalavee.com

Present Symptoms/untruths of my Fear of Failure include :

  1. A reluctance to try new things.
  2. I absolutely figure out ways to distract myself and not follow through with my goals, sometimes using my children as an excuse.
  3. I definitely say “I’ll never be able to”do such and such.
  4. I believe that success determines my value and my worth is based on my accomplishments.
  5. I choose to get distracted by busy work to avoid the work that I need to do to move forward.

Former Symptoms I exhibited but have found my way away from include:

  1. I used to outright procrastinate but not so much these days.
  2. I don’t have deep of anxiety spells where I feel like I was falling down a hole inside myself.
  3. I mostly let go of my perfectionism at 50 but I used to get wound up over getting things “right”, although by whose standards I’ll never know.
  4. I am caring less and less what people think as I figure out that sometimes the effort is more than half of how impressive you are.

The tricky thing that fear does is that it makes you think there’s something wrong with you. You feel you can’t control the outcome you think you should have. No you aren’t in control because you are giving all the perspective and senses over to the fear brain which makes no sense whatsoever. Truthfully, you are no more incapable than so many other people. Your pre-written stories of imminent failure are just stories to keep you “safe” from failing which somehow will be your demise. Except that everything we do we’ve failed at before we’ve succeeded. Failure is a necessity.

But what really got my attention is this fact:

Fear of failure harbors the fantasy that somehow there is a formula for guaranteed success.

There are a lot of online thought leaders who are selling the perfect ways to do everything. To start a business online, to brand yourself, to build community, and to publish that great American novel. And the hook is that perfect formula. If you were just savvy enough or skinny enough or had enough friends, you would be a “success”. They pray on your fear with this fallacy.

Seems what we really need is practice at failing. And a whole heaping lot of love for ourselves and everyone in the world who has fear guiding their choices. Everywhere you see people not acting right, it’s usually fear that is to blame. And when we panic or become depressed, number one thing we need is our own self-compassion. To recognize ourselves as humans who sometimes fail. Heap some loving kindness on those perceived wounds and go right back in and prove that we certainly can do that which we have yet to figure out how to do. We only need to start.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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