The Relationship Trust Fund

A picture of the cover of a book called the Speed of Trust came up in my IG feed recently called the Speed of Trust. After reading a synopsis of the book , I was reminded that all affairs of the soul eventually find their way into “better ways to do business” books. And while trust is indeed an essential element in every relationship, personal or professional, the development of a trust fund within us for ourselves is often forgotten.

I spoke of the importance of making trust deposits here and building up trust funds with your family, especially your children. You better have extra trust in there for when things go a little rough and misunderstandings happen. If both parties were aware of the value of this surplus you’re building, it would be even better. We could appreciate the better times and work hard to mend ourselves in the worse ones.

I am struck by all this gracious goodwill for everyone’s benefit except ourselves. Everything about and for ourselves we take for granted. We can’t hear our self-bullying words. We ignore ourselves and follow paths that aren’t ours, as well as feed, neglect, and dress our bodies according to others’ standards. We then quell our discontent and distrust of ourselves with Tv, booze, and sugar. Our own trust funds with ourselves are non-existent.

I am slowly coming to understand that my inner child has every reason to never trust me again. But that this trust is essential to my happiness and to find more purpose and create more meaningful work. She has to believe that I will keep her safe and not ignore her needs. That is how the trust fund begins to form with anyone as well as yourself. That showing self-compassion instead of employing judgement is the next step to this growing up process.

And lastly, if I am a person who trusts myself and my own choices, then I’m someone who others will trust. Because “do as I say not as I do” never works for kids and it could be a deal breaker when I work with anyone else. Self-confidence and self-trust need a track record and I’m slowly starting to make one.

Anyone find this familiar? Do you trust you? I urge all thoughts here or anywhere I’m online. Links below.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice

Opinions are like noses, we all have them. But are we entitled and allowed to have them? If I find it hard to find a voice to express them, I may not feel I’m allowed to have an opinion in the first place.

As a woman, it can prove tough not to judge myself for what I have to say as necessary or valid as I’m considering actually saying it. Then I may choose to keep quiet. I have my own internal bouncer at the thought door checking the validity, wittiness, or profundity of my outgoing thoughts and opinions. And often, they’re just not making the cut as I am weighing them against unseen sources that must be way more clever and insightful than me.

I’d like to stop doing that. I’ve spoken about how men don’t do that. But I have no experience valuing my voice. In my life, I removed the need for the approval I would get doing for others. Now I find myself dumbly staring at my life thinking, “What do I do this or that for then?”. Oh right. It’s for myself, my happiness, and my approval. Duh.Reprogramming the people pleasing is tough going.

Perhaps it’s slightly a matter of faking this until I begin to reap the benefits. Saying and doing what I know is right anyway even if it won’t be met with a round of applause or approval. But maybe because I need to Hear myself saying it. Hear myself having an opinion, saying what I think, and ideally modelling what it is like to not be a doormat for my daughter. Because I want her to be entitled to her opinion and she will do what I do, not what I say. Mindfulness is the only way on and out my friends.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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They Do Not Have a Plan for You, You Do

There are several issues that I could holler from the rooftops about. The importance of these issues has become abundantly clear for me as I continue to write and speak about what I’m thinking and working on. One of these bones I’ll chew on til my dying day concerns the power we have but ignore to make out lives better.

I spent too many years giving my power away to anyone who wanted it. Nothing I lived seemed to be my choice. My bosses, my ex-boyfriends, and my ex-husband were all the masters of my destiny and my resulting misery. I was not. Until that moment when I realized that I had chosen them to be mean to myself. To treat me the way I felt about myself : badly. And after the grief of this realization subsided, I was truly free.

“They” do not have a plan for you. You need to make a plan for you. Your plan can include whomever and whatever you’d like until you don’t like it anymore. But it will always be your plan, your choice. And the sooner you know that it’s all your journey to navigate, the sooner you get to choose the directions and the upgrades you want to make to your life’s vehicle for the journey. Your destination is always Now.

Everyone’s journey is completely different. It’s so unfair to compare them. And the work you do to mend yourself and reach your goals may not be linear. I have jumped around and studied and learned from anything and anyone that struck my fancy. I followed my intuition and my curiosity to heal my inner child. I spoke my most sincere fears to my therapist and she offered me what she had. I built and bridged gaps in my knowledge of myself until I began to know I had truly begun to rebuild my understanding of me and the life I wanted to be living instead.

This is a puzzle that is so worth the effort. Just as your knowledge continues to grow and can never be taken from you, the work you invest in you is yours to benefit from as long as you live, and even longer if you’ve left your thoughts written down. Yes, there are some people who don’t want to be accountable for themselves but I think life is really boring without this work. I am thrilled to work on me and share and glean from other people in my community that spreads throughout the world.

The puzzle that is a happier life worth living is yours to put together. There is no right way. And you can’t find the instructions or the approval for it online. It is both freeing and terrifying to know this is now yours to conduct and compose. There are internal intangibles that you need to grab with faith from within. And then you just need to begin. I’ll be here if you need a cheerleader or a bit of inspiration.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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What You Must Think of Me

It would be impossible not to consider what others think of me. Were I not a writer, you couldn’t prove I care. But I must care a little to want you to read what I’ve written. Or is it possible to be thankful that others approve but not base your own value on what others think. That has been a problem my entire life. Until now.

Surely I can come off to some as a bit pompous and a loopy, talking about all this touchy feely stuff. Liberal spoutings of a girl who refuses to see what the world really is. But I submit that every last thing you see and perceive is based on your assumptions, your perceptions, and filtered by what you need to have it be.

My anxieties have run my picture show for a long long time. You may have noticed I am always busy. I kept busy, never had any ending so I didn’t have to hear what a crappy job I did. Never stop, never get criticized. I really cared too much about what you might think so I distracted you and me with busy. But unless that busy is satisfying for me, it never feels good.

To be beautiful means to be yourself.

You don’t need to be accepted by others.

You need to accept yourself.
— THICH NHAT HANH —

So this Christmas I gifted myself with the gift of no longer giving a shoot what anyone but me thinks. I can now trust myself to take care of my needs. My anxiety doesn’t run the show and so I am trusting in my decisions on my behalf for my happiness. Turns out happiness is the best everything.

And I’d like to think if it makes me happy, you’d be happy for me. Because what kind of world do I live in if I’m always frightened of the negative feelings I perceive everyone will have about me. Keep your mean to yourself and spread the nice. I hand out compliments because I love how they feel when I receive them. They’re candy to the soul. And everyone can use some soul candy every once in a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Worth on this Earth : Should vs. Wanna Be

I hit a bumpy patch recently where I had to stop myself dead in my tracks. I was drowning in my own good ambitious intentions. And it wasn’t even August yet. So I pulled the plug on myself to reevaluate my priorities. Because knowing what you don’t want is as good as knowing what you do. My inherent worth on the planet was being mugged by shoulds.

I’ve journaled a lot recently and sorting out what I think I see going on. This doesn’t mean I’ll have kicked this recurring habit, this brain hiccup I’m accustomed to having, but I’m closer to calling it the should trap that it is at least.

Seems my drive and ambition to succeed are really just me

trying to prove my worth on this earth.

I am desperate to prove I have a purpose because

I secretly I suspect that I have none. WOW!

I could feel the fear lapping at my ankles. Misting over my thoughts to avoid letting me get to the bottom of this recurring nightmare. Having had a father who was very ambitious, much to the detriment of our family, I’ve lived the bad effects of ambition. However, I clearly know I want to do work that fulfills my soul and calls me to it. I do not want to do work to impress people but to see what else I can add to the world’s worth by doing it. And to see who I can become by doing this work. If people are impressed, all the better.

While fear pushes, vision pulls.

This is a concept given to me recently by Anna Lovind, a creative coach and wise sage. I can reframe and base my future on what makes my heart sing instead of trying to control the unwanted outcome. And I decide whether the shoulds I’m shoving onto my platter to devour are distasteful. Do they or don’t they represent my purpose? Or am I afraid of fulfilling the potential I have long been swallowing ?

The conflict I’m experiencing, the push and the pull, is all about fear. Fear I’m crap, what I make and write is crap and isn‘t worth publishing. That I have nothing of worth to give. Or that once I start to truly give, I won’t be able to stop and people will expect it of me. Come to think of it, having someone expect me to continue is not too bad a thing. That’s accountability that keeps me blogging or vlogging.

If you maintain integrity with your own happy purpose, people to then expect you to do your best work out of love. C’mon now, that sounds like Heaven to be able to be more you and have people enjoying it and be inspired by it. Now that I put it that way, I’ll have to sit fear down and let her know, she’s getting in my way and if she could have a seat in the corner, that’d be great. We have fun we need to get on to.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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