Who Do You I Think I Am Vs. Who Do I Believe Myself to Be

Why is there a presumed challenge in the question, “who do you think you are”? As if anyone is ever entitled to question your opinion of yourself other than you. Perhaps only people who don’t know who they are ask this question in a way that suggests you are less.

But I am thinking more and more this month about who I believe myself to be. My definition in me which leads to who I believe myself to be. And it perpetually occurs to me that who I think I am is a lot less than who you think I am. And that it may be possible to increase my understanding of me and thus believe myself to be more.

I want to know myself well enough and give myself credit that I am more…

confident

creative

charismatic

kind

open

welcoming

authentic

unique

eloquent

trustworthy

elegant

brave

…than I believe I am. I want to be a glass fuller. This is a wish my heart makes which only I can make come true.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Falling Away

I am always battling with who I think I am. I strip off parts and then I forget parts. Bits of me fall away from me like sand and I begin to disappear in the wind. It’s as if I have to remind myself of who I am. Again and again and again.

I can hear the “can” coming in and out. I can hear “my life is good” going in and out.

It is these decisions about my now and future life that shade my satisfaction of my now. And there is nothing else more important besides my now. Ever.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Knowing Myself Will Connect Me To You

It continuously occurs to me that the better I know myself, the better I can understand my value to the world and to you whoever you might be. When I connect with me I can connect with you. And becoming myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I envy those people (all except the narcissists) for knowing what they are and the strengths that they bring to what they do in their lives. What a gift to have such confidence in what you are, your strengths, your gifts, and your purpose. No, not everyone has this.

Some, like me, grew up with hazy mirrors reflecting back their self-worth. Or no mirrors. And it can be very difficult to build something when you don’t have a recipe or a plan for it. Why would you even try or know where to begin?

Becoming myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

We had a little old cat who was skittish and had never been petted. Until one day I snuck a pet in. And she liked it. A lot. It took her 15 years to find out how great affection was. And then she was a pet junkie. How do you know something even exists unless you have felt it? Same with self-esteem. 

Building self-esteem is like building something from air sometimes. You take it on faith that you need to build self-esteem and that it will work if you keep working it but it’s an act of faith. Without the faith you’re worth it,  you’re not. See? Your actions prove your value but your value isn’t there yet. What I have noticed recently is that the surer I feel about myself, the easier it is to speak with others. I come from a place of knowing and this brings me ease. And I am all about the ease.

I don’t doubt my need for self-esteem building so that I may understand my weight and purpose in this world. Knowing and fulfilling my value to my fellow humans is one of the most important tasks/jobs I will ever have. And so I fight ever onward in the invisible storm of developing myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

When I Want You to Like Me

I cringe when I think about it. Not even that long ago, I really needed people to want to be with me. I attached so much importance to people’s response to my invitations to hang out that if they didn’t get back to me or refused me, I was crushed.

I apparently have abandonment issues earned honestly from my Mom and Dad but still I find this annoying when we’re no longer talking about a five year old but a 52 year old. I put a lot of value in what people near and dear to me say and I want to spend time with them hearing it.

But when that fear creeps out and attaches to what the audience who did and didn’t show up for something I did thinks of me, I have to call “Halt”. I took two risks last year, one a public speech on anxiety and creativity and one leading a workshop and after both, I had similar experiences of abandonment and impostor syndrome shame. After the second, I sought medical help and that alleviated so much anxiety.

But I still want to understand what I am thinking that brings me to such places so fast. There’s such crazy depth to our psyches. I can not control what you think of me. I can only decided what I think of me. But if my worth depends on you, I’m screwed. And so many of us are doing this. Are you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Definition of Me Project

It all started when I asked, who do I think I am? I intended to facetiously ask myself this as in do I have the authority to speak on this subject? And then I realized that knowing who I am is in fact a good way to star the year.

I am on my 11th day now of defining myself via pictures and posts on Instagram and it’s been an interesting project. Here are a few of my Instagram posts.

“Today I decided to challenge myself to two weeks of claiming Who I Think I Am. Every day I am going to focus on a facet of me that I appreciate. I am tagging them with #MydefinitionofShalagh. . 🔮HOPEFUL🔮

I seem to possess an unlimited amount of positivity and hope. This seems odd for all the bad stuff I’ve endured but hope is just in the fiber of my soul. “

“Day 4 … I am Kind (but not necessarily nice). #MydefinitionofShalagh .

My Mother told me this the other day. Honestly, I abhor the whole Nice Girl thing as it’s loaded with compliance and subservience. But I agree that I am Kind. I was acutely aware at the holidays of how much kindness means. I thanked people profusely. And I poured it on thickly promising to continue throughout the year with that intention.”

“Day 6 … I am a Domestic Goddess.
#MydefinitionofShalagh

My kids have no concept that many children do not get homemade  chocolate chip buttermilk pancakes for breakfast. They take it for granted and that’s ok. I am a cook, a feeder Mom, and terribly house proud. I want my home to be comfortable, cozy, and fun. There is no shame in being a homebody. I am proud to spin this web of safety everyday for me and my family.”

I am a cat whisperer, I am a lush, and I am trustworthy except to myself. I am continuing to figure out who I think I am. Follow along on social media if you can or would like. As always, thank you for reading.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.