Knowing Myself Will Connect Me To You

It continuously occurs to me that the better I know myself, the better I can understand my value to the world and to you whoever you might be. When I connect with me I can connect with you. And becoming myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I envy those people (all except the narcissists) for knowing what they are and the strengths that they bring to what they do in their lives. What a gift to have such confidence in what you are, your strengths, your gifts, and your purpose. No, not everyone has this.

Some, like me, grew up with hazy mirrors reflecting back their self-worth. Or no mirrors. And it can be very difficult to build something when you don’t have a recipe or a plan for it. Why would you even try or know where to begin?

Becoming myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

We had a little old cat who was skittish and had never been petted. Until one day I snuck a pet in. And she liked it. A lot. It took her 15 years to find out how great affection was. And then she was a pet junkie. How do you know something even exists unless you have felt it? Same with self-esteem. 

Building self-esteem is like building something from air sometimes. You take it on faith that you need to build self-esteem and that it will work if you keep working it but it’s an act of faith. Without the faith you’re worth it,  you’re not. See? Your actions prove your value but your value isn’t there yet. What I have noticed recently is that the surer I feel about myself, the easier it is to speak with others. I come from a place of knowing and this brings me ease. And I am all about the ease.

I don’t doubt my need for self-esteem building so that I may understand my weight and purpose in this world. Knowing and fulfilling my value to my fellow humans is one of the most important tasks/jobs I will ever have. And so I fight ever onward in the invisible storm of developing myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

When I Want You to Like Me

I cringe when I think about it. Not even that long ago, I really needed people to want to be with me. I attached so much importance to people’s response to my invitations to hang out that if they didn’t get back to me or refused me, I was crushed.

I apparently have abandonment issues earned honestly from my Mom and Dad but still I find this annoying when we’re no longer talking about a five year old but a 52 year old. I put a lot of value in what people near and dear to me say and I want to spend time with them hearing it.

But when that fear creeps out and attaches to what the audience who did and didn’t show up for something I did thinks of me, I have to call “Halt”. I took two risks last year, one a public speech on anxiety and creativity and one leading a workshop and after both, I had similar experiences of abandonment and impostor syndrome shame. After the second, I sought medical help and that alleviated so much anxiety.

But I still want to understand what I am thinking that brings me to such places so fast. There’s such crazy depth to our psyches. I can not control what you think of me. I can only decided what I think of me. But if my worth depends on you, I’m screwed. And so many of us are doing this. Are you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Definition of Me Project

It all started when I asked, who do I think I am? I intended to facetiously ask myself this as in do I have the authority to speak on this subject? And then I realized that knowing who I am is in fact a good way to star the year.

I am on my 11th day now of defining myself via pictures and posts on Instagram and it’s been an interesting project. Here are a few of my Instagram posts.

“Today I decided to challenge myself to two weeks of claiming Who I Think I Am. Every day I am going to focus on a facet of me that I appreciate. I am tagging them with #MydefinitionofShalagh. . 🔮HOPEFUL🔮

I seem to possess an unlimited amount of positivity and hope. This seems odd for all the bad stuff I’ve endured but hope is just in the fiber of my soul. “

“Day 4 … I am Kind (but not necessarily nice). #MydefinitionofShalagh .

My Mother told me this the other day. Honestly, I abhor the whole Nice Girl thing as it’s loaded with compliance and subservience. But I agree that I am Kind. I was acutely aware at the holidays of how much kindness means. I thanked people profusely. And I poured it on thickly promising to continue throughout the year with that intention.”

“Day 6 … I am a Domestic Goddess.
#MydefinitionofShalagh

My kids have no concept that many children do not get homemade  chocolate chip buttermilk pancakes for breakfast. They take it for granted and that’s ok. I am a cook, a feeder Mom, and terribly house proud. I want my home to be comfortable, cozy, and fun. There is no shame in being a homebody. I am proud to spin this web of safety everyday for me and my family.”

I am a cat whisperer, I am a lush, and I am trustworthy except to myself. I am continuing to figure out who I think I am. Follow along on social media if you can or would like. As always, thank you for reading.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Will You Face the Day with Hope or Dread ?

It occurred to me this morning that I am either hopeful or I am hopeless at any given moment. Am I dreading my day or looking forward to it? And in that very answer is the truth of my life’s outlook. My perception of who I am and how I have value to add to the world is the key to which state of being I’m in.

I am holding my breath this morning to find out how I feel.

Our thoughts and feelings are codependent and fickle. We may have a fleeting thought about our “less than” worth and then suddenly our inner child has gone on strike and shuts down. As she feels helpless, hopeless and dreads everything upcoming, our now self feels hopeless and purposeless and depressed. She doesn’t think you are gong to get through this or keep her safe. 

If we receive kudos or a compliment about our work or our hair, suddenly we feel all puffed up and full of hope and love and generosity. Today is suddenly a wonderful day to be alive.

So the trick would seem to be that you need to convince yourself every day that you are amazing. Feeling good and esteeming oneself brings hope. Berating and hating oneself brings dread. It is a choice daily on how you want to feel.

So today I’m refusing to entertain any conversations about body hatred or dusty shelves or weedy gardens and instead, I’m going to continue to work on thinking I’m pretty keen. And work on what I can hand my readership that is of value to their lives. That brings them hope because we need to pass it on.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Birds of a Feather Flocking Together

I am sitting back listening to the birds singing their final Fall goodbyes. Accompanied by the crickets, I hear the bird song and then the response echo. Maybe they’re looking for a last fling before they fly off to warmer places? And I am suddenly reminded of the way we all go in search for familiar people. Our flocks are out there waiting for us to find them. We are birds of a feather flocking together in many ways that count.

Hope is there where the flock resides. A place to be seen and heard for just who we are. It feels like family and familiarity and peaceful restoration to be in the same place as like-minded people. And it is definitely worth looking for.

When I entered the online world of social media, all I could feel was fear of vulnerability. I was terrified to be seen by people I always thought I’d never be seen by again. Ex-lovers and past schoolmates would see me as I am now and I thought, I wouldn’t be impressed with me either. But what I came to find was that the truth isn’t at all that dramatic when everyone’s also human. We forgive each other stuff lest we be judged too.

Hope is there where the flock resides.

A place to be seen and heard for just who we are.

Further I found, that when you do find like-minded people, you truly feel seen on the inside without ever laying eyes on one another. You begin to forgive yourself the ridiculous stuff you used to focus on as you begin to see yourself through other people’s eyes. People who don’t even know you see right down to the gems that are your soul. And you have no other choice but to believe them.

Because there’s magic that happens in the world you’d never know unless you’d experienced it. A deeper connection with a collective humanity that defies definition and exists right below the surface of all the noise. And that interconnected web holds us all up even when we can’t see it. And believing in it and a better outcome for us all is a blind faith I dig having.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.