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Woman’s Inhumanity to Herself : Self-Bullying

I admittedly had a tough first month of Summer. And if you read the intro to yesterday’s post, you’ll understand that this is a recent self-doubt storm unfolding.

When I took a harder look at what caused this, I’d say it was the result of a pretty bad should storm. My own inhumanity to myself was the cause. One where no matter how hard I’d work or diet or do, I wasn’t going to be good enough. I was defeated and thrashing and depleted. And I’d say I was a victim of my own complete lack of compassion.

I’d never have thought myself a heartless or mean person. I am kind and supportive to anyone who I can see is confused or in pain. But somehow it seems, I cannot afford myself the same compassion. And without that compassion, I end up just being a bully. Because that’s how that works.

I was aghast at thought that I was bullying myself. Yes, Self-bullying. I’m not a bully-er. But what else is a person who constantly berates another for being fat and fearful? Who, despite apparent disadvantages, expects more than they can possibly do. Who asks to be pleased and performed for and for complete compliance. You call them a bully.

Woman's Inhumanity to Herself on Shalavee.com

So, I have pulled back on the expectations. I am taking some industrial strength self-care of myself. And I am gently asking what else I can do to serve her needs for happiness. I am ignoring what the scale says and instead donning clothing that fits who I am now and makes me feel good about her. I am pledging that, to the very best of my ability, I will stop bullying myself. I will stop spending that wasted energy on negativity and start choosing to nurture and protect the very noble and authentic parts of myself that need to shine instead.

Anything here ring true for you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Catching Up and Telling the Truth

What a slippery perspective buster “truth” is. The truth is that this first month and a half of Summer has been rough. Not in the hard ways my Summers used to start , but in very personal ways. Ways I was not even telling myself about.

Today’s truth is that I am still awaiting the steroid injections I received two days ago in my ouchy SI joints to take effect. I’m still holding my breath for the positive outcome. I’ve fought my way here and still there’s truly no change. And continued pain messes with your mind a little as it drains your good will, your hope, and your ease.

Truth is I cancelled my second round of Weight Watchers, because after three months, I didn’t lose a single pound. And I just felt like a watched pot. I refused to boil. catching up and telling the truth on Shalavee.com

 

Personally, and professionally, I had set high expectations and goals I had to rise to so I could be the person I have always meant to be Right Now, knowing everything and producing brilliance. The disparity in my actuality vs my intentions made me so disconcerted, I chewed my lip apart for most of June. If it feels like you are living for another’s approval, you probably are.

We are at the half way point of Summer with one more Summer Camp next week and looking forward to one more mini-vacation which I’m hoping will be relaxing. But I have a sinus surgery lined up right afterwards for mid-August. It is radical self-care act for me to do this, long overdue, but it is also impending doom looming in my not too distant future. I’m scared.

For me, getting perspective on all of this means you write it all up and then you let it go. What are your suggestions for not dreading and instead being present?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Purposeful Living: Shifting from “If Only” to “What If”

It’s been a slow and deliberate process to strip away all the mental clutter in my life down to the core of what really matters to me.  Truthfully, I’m sort of stunned that all this self-betterment progress has even happened. I have asked myself ” What If ” and bluffed my way towards it. I never expected to get nearer to a life that I wanted. The fact that I’m making it up every day that I live it seems such an unreliable way to change one’s life yet that is exactly the creative living that I have always needed to embrace to shift. Purposeful Living: Shifting from "If Only" to "What If" on Shalavee.com

 

The goal I’m working on the hardest is letting go of the “if only” mindset I’ve had for so long. Instead, I’m focusing on the “what ifs”. I’m shifting from a scarcity mindset where I’ve never enough anything, to one of abundance and refocusing my sight to see my life as it really is; an incredible opportunity to enjoy my freedom and creativity and find my soul-fulfilling purpose. And all of this is doable if I can stay present.

 

The biggest eureka I’ve had recently is not only that I need to open my eyes to the abundance that I am currently living, but also to acknowledge the elements in my life that I truly need every day to keep my soul fueled. Besides regular time to be creative, and the intention to recognize and entertain that, I also need connection to community. Because both in the act of creating and communicating, I find connections to myself and to what I enjoy doing and being. The resonance of a further purpose follows these clarity moments.Purposeful Living: Shifting from "If Only" to "What If" on Shalavee.com

 

Once you understand yourself and trust yourself within the context of your everyday functioning and happiness, then you can make choices that are larger than you which make a difference. Your basic needs always precede your higher purpose. Everything falls into place when you self-care the heck out of yourself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Follow the Breadcrumbs of Self-Care

This past month, I amped up the volume on self-care. Something shifted that said it’s time to do more to show myself I care about me. So I did.

 

Used to be when I went in to get my pedicure, I’d consider getting other services done but I’d talk myself right out of them. I didn’t need to spend that money. But this month, I not only waited for the gal I like to be free for my pedicure, I also asked to have my eyebrows waxed and to have her give me a manicure as well. And not any old manicure, a gel one that would last. It’s called pampering and not something I’m good at.

 

In a similar mindset, I realized that I was going to have to think bigger and badder on the subjects of my joint and sinus problems. So I went to see my physician and he agreed on my follow-up thoughts and wrote me a script for the CT scan I’ll have to get for my sinuses. Because when it comes to physical ailments, there are two things I know. Ailments just don’t just go away. And if you keep following up and pursuing your care, eventually you will get the results you want. Or results that you’ll be able to bear.

 

I went ahead and jumped back into Weight Watchers for a three-month time period hoping to shed the re-earned pounds from Christmas. Because I really liked when I could fit into my Capri pants last Summer.

 

How you treat yourself is how other people will treat you

 

And because I have worked so hard and making progress in my mental health goals, I have finally chosen to drop down to once a month visit with my beloved therapist now. The goals which I had set, I have met. And my shift is sort of stunning. Therapist said that my number one shining achievement was becoming more independent and less codependent.

 

 

If you keep following the breadcrumbs to your health and well-being,

you will eventually be well again.

 

See, nothing changes unless you change it. And the bigger goals won’t get accomplished until the basic needs get taken care of (see Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). So a better job or a more fulfilling personal relationship will be out of the question and out of reach until you tell yourself you are worth all the effort to begin with. If you keep following the breadcrumbs to your health and well-being, you will eventually be well again. Following up, going back, rescheduling, and then going all the way with the prescribed plan, even when it’s scary, are how you become well in the end.

 

The other truth that I now completely understand is that, how you treat yourself is how other people will treat you. So if I treat me with care and respect, so will the world. I’d say the price of a manicure and a doctor’s visit are worth all of that. Now for those braces.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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The Soul Buffer Zone

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what it would be like to have a “soul buffer zone”. Having been raised codependent and since having children, my boundaries are a little wiggly. And the thought of having space around me that I keep myself safe within is really appealing to me. In fact it’s downright necessary if I’m ever going to make my life the zen experience I long for.The Soul Buffer Zone on Shalavee.com

The idea is that there’s a mental space between you and the outer world. And you intentionally maintain that by not letting people make demands on you, by not applying what is going on in the outside world to you, and by taking care of yourself so you feel kept safe by you. People’s comments or ideas are outside of you and you decide if you want to let them in. How about writing them down for consideration later even.

We are so besieged by information and demands from our internal and external worlds that we’re exhausted. When my daughter got sick simultaneously coinciding with a snowstorm, I definitely suffered from some post traumatic stress. I couldn’t escape. And what if we do that to ourselves regularly by not allowing for things to bounce off of us. Eventually, we are exhausted by osmosis.The Soul Buffer Zone on Shalavee.com

So I am going to be extra mindful this year about padding myself, creating things to look forward to, talking with my soul sisters face to face, and granting myself permission for time off. Demanding the same from my family. I think they could use to miss me and my efforts and become a little more appreciative. I’m creating a soul buffer zone because my happiness is worth it and other people’s happiness is based on it.

(Pictures in memory of Pama’s shop Moonvine which shut down this past February).

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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