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Do You Use Scare Tactics or Self Care Tactics?

Yes, I can definitely see my wish to “succeed” in my life. I want to find a dream to pursue purposefully. I’ve had occasions where I really thought I knew what I wanted and knew what I needed to do to get there. But those were also the days when I didn’t realize that I was still trying to impress people and gain favor. Days when I secretly thought it was about popularity and competition. And I may have accomplished stuff but my why was wrong and my scare tactic methods of accomplishing my goals left me tired. I felt beaten up and bullied by myself.Do You Use Scare Tactics or Self Care Tactics? on Shalavee.com

Eventually I would discover that any goals that included impressing others and making them like me were not goals with integrity. My new rule became that I would only work towards goals and projects that made me happy and that if others were happy too, great. But what also came of this was a kindness and a patience I have never given myself before. I have always bullied myself and now I am committed to witnessing myself and giving myself enough compassion through the scary bits to move on. I have the permission and power to acknowledge me and move through.Do You Use Scare Tactics or Self Care Tactics? on Shalavee.com

At the very core of reaching any destination is the knowledge that I deserve the perceived reward. And to keep fuel in the “worthy” tanks, I am regularly bestowing the kindest care I can on myself. For me this looks like getting pedicures (which I am due up for), having alone time to think and write, and lovely lunches with the people who I care about. Do what you want to do verses what you have to do. Because honestly, unless you’re at work with a boss hanging over your shoulder, life should be fun and not a grueling rat race of perfection and wealth and achievement. You can choose to bully you or you can choose to be kind to you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

It’s Nice to be Nice to the Nice

I was almost surprised at myself when I heard me say “Good job, you did great” inside my head. Because how often do I give myself compliments? Can’t remember. But I recognized recently that if you are not appreciating your own efforts, how can you be truly appreciative of others’ efforts. Being nice to you and others is truly the least we can do.It's Nice to be Nice to the Nice on Shalavee.com

So, I started to notice others’ efforts. I started to tell people what I was impressed with when they did their jobs, especially when that job affected my life and well-being. I complimented the receptionist at the orthodontist on handling all our insurance submission paperwork so well. I complimented my chiropractor on how amazing it is that he understands the body so well to truly help us with our physical pain.

Giving out nice words and nice feelings in a day makes both your day and theirs a little better. And somehow, I think it opened me up to being mindful of the effort it takes others and myself to accomplish our own jobs. While I would play down my own artistic talent, I can appreciate the effort it takes to pull of the luncheon party I did last week. And the Halloween night festivities. And the daily running of the lives and needs in my household while also indulging myself in playing and self-care.It's Nice to be Nice to the Nice on Shalavee.com

As Frank Burns gushed guiltily over his commander’s cheerleader girlfriend, “It’s nice to be nice to the nice.” And the more happy karma you dump into the world, the more will come back to you. Respecting and thanking yourself for your efforts and your world will allow you to know that your life is worth living. And make a greater joyous impact on the world in the end. Ain’t nothing wrong with a life well-lived.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Fear of the Pain and Fearing the Pain Would Stay

There was a lot of physical pain and fear taking up space in my house this year. Both me and my cat were experiencing our own pain and fear nightmares at the beginning of the Summer. And I’ve since really understood how the feeling of pain can manifest into a more fearful outlook on the world. And mess you up.

This Summer was to be the Summer that I took care of myself. I swore in the beginning to follow through with all the procedures I needed to fix the problems with my SI joints and my sinuses as best I could. It took me all Summer and a dozen appointments and I made progress, but I also lived some fear too.The Fear and the Pain on Shalavee.com

Meanwhile, my poor cat Peewee, who was feral when we found her as a kitten two days after Christmas in 2007 on our back porch, has shade of freak out in her anyway, began to act more weird. She was more skittish and began to pee outside the cat box. I ignored it for a little while as we took our vacation but I knew I needed to wrangle her and take her to the vets. The getting her into a carrier is a dreadful undertaking of sheer strength and will. But once there, the doctor tested her urine and sure enough, she had a Urinary Tract Infection. Well I know these really hurt. And her treatment was antibiotics and some Valium.

In those few days while that cat was on her kitty downers, she was completely different. She was much less freaked out by her surroundings. She was very affectionate and dear. And it had me thinking about the pain as it manifests into fear, it changes your personality. How can you not filter your input and understanding of the world through the pain you feel?The Fear and the Pain on Shalavee.com

Meanwhile, I was really holding my breath that the new doctor and the subsequent shots I received in my SI joints would ease my pain. My fear of this not happening had me on guard all Summer and so nervous. My expectations were in charge. In the end, I now know I will have to pursue further types of treatment. But the pain isn’t as bad as it was in the beginning, it’s just not gone.  I know what my options are, it’s a matter of following through with them. I’m avoiding a fusion surgery until I have to. But that fear and the pain, it definitely had me making bad choices to numb myself out. A glass too many of wine and less and less exercise (plus sinus surgery had me have a seat for two weeks.)

I consequently lost parts of my confident self with the ongoing pain. I became less me with the pain and the fear. Smaller somehow. I am recovering now. Have adjusted my expectations of what I can expect and what I need to do next. Do your best, let go of the rest.The Fear and the Pain on Shalavee.com

This issue on a larger scale? You can’t have a population or community feel strong and make a difference if they can’t treat their pain and have hope to be rid of it. I don’t mean self-medicating with narcotics. I mean genuine health care and mental health services. And the population has to feel they deserve to receive it. That their worthy of this care. The healthcare issues are so much more than they seem. While other countries agree to the inherent worth and dignity of their citizens, we’re having some problems with this of late in the US.

The problem is bad enough that people who even have healthcare refuse to use it to take care of themselves because of out-of-pocket costs, our lack of self-worth feels sad. It almost takes an act of Herculean strength to drag yourself out of that place and act as if you were worth the care. But every single living person is worth the care.

My new motto is Que Sera Sera, Whatever will be will be. Enjoy this slightly bumpy ride via YouTube.

 

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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Misunderstand and Misunderstood

Fact is, anytime we are out in the world, we have the possibility to encounter people. People who can be as wonderful as they are annoying. A chance to be misunderstood and misunderstand one another. A chance to experience the joy of human gifts of compassion as well as the same chance to create conflict.

I had two negative experiences in this world recently. But it was also pointed out to me that I am a knee jerk to feelings kinda person instead of considering the facts and circumstances and then deciding kinda person. Mostly, what happens in the world, especially with random strangers, isn’t about you. It only reflects the fears you may have about what people are thinking about you.

The first occurrence was at the grocery store. I had 27 items and entered the 12 items or less line with no one in the line or behind me. And as I’m unloading the cart , Fiona takes over, and I see a man with a basket behind us, and I begin to pack my own bags. I am the only customer who does this at this store. As the last item goes in, the teller who I’ve never seen before says, “For future reference, this aisle is for 12 items or less. People are in a hurry.” And I just smiled and told her the card reader hadn’t read my card when I’d swiped it. Misunderstand and misunderstood on Shalavee.com

It was shame attack. She was calling me rude and inconsiderate. I should have turned to the line behind me and apologized for the inconvenience and turned the thing around. But my daughter started to whine for candy. And I was done.

The next time I was there, I told Eamon to stare a hole through checker number 244 in the 12 item line again. I then let the gentlemen behind me in line play through as they had a beverage and were getting a bag of ice. I packed my own bags again. I felt I’d paid it forward. Who knows what her deal was but it was one of those moments that you continue to replay because you want it to un-happen. I know how many times I let people in front of me. And I always ask the checker if it’s OK if I have over a dozen items, except this once. Bad timing and I’m not rude.Misunderstand and misunderstood on Shalavee.com

The next situation was the other day when I got my last round of shots in my SI joints. The nurse needed to take my blood pressure before and after the procedure. I had not requested Valium this time for the procedure. I was already vulnerable, perhaps PMS, and then I had lots needles stuck into my backside. When I left the procedure room, I was so happy to be done. Until I sat back into the chair.

My blood pressure had raised. I assured her I didn’t need a blood pressure cuff at home. She pushed, “Well this is really high”. I said I had been to the doctors multiple times and I never had a problem. And we waited for a few minutes and then she took it again and insisted that I take my blood pressure when I’m just in my regular life, go into the Rite Aid she said. Surely she just meant well. When I got into the car, I cried. And over lunch, I read their release instructions. Seems steroid shots can elevate your blood pressure. No shit.

Again, she knows that the leading cause of women dying at my age is from stroking out, from high blood pressure. But after a dozen doctor’s appointments in the last three months, my husband agreed that I am usually 134/85. I felt vulnerable and what I chose was to go with feeling attacked. I was not giving her the benefit of being a nurse, even though her chair side manner had a bit to be desired. Again, I could have said,”I’m sure you are not trying to be condescending to me and you do realize I just had multiple needles stuck in my bum. But, just like the other situation, I just wanted out of there. I was held hostage in the last yucky procedure I plan to have this year.

It’s hard to separate ourselves from our circumstances and the people in them sometimes. We shade these occurrences, what’s happening with how we’re feeling. We see through those feelings and make a decision about what has happened. Or maybe that’s just me.Thanks for letting me rant. Because it is my blog.

That’s a few bad stories from my life recently but I promise there are way better stories happening now. I’ll be writing those next.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem

Back to my therapy office this week after a long hiatus, I asked my therapist to help me continue to work on my value. That seems to be one area that is slow to move and grow in. Kinda like when we ran out of gas on the highway that one time and even adding 5 gallons wasn’t enough to start the car. (Fuel injection is persnickety that way. I curse gasoline anyway.) Sometimes the progress is imperceptible and doesn’t feel like enough.

Once your supply of esteem gets down below a certain point, I think it takes a lot to pull it back up to a functional place. A lot! And it’s the kinda thing where I think I’ve filled it up and then something big and bad happens and I feel it draining out the holes of my self-doubt and then those little niggling lies that you’ve heard in your head all your life creep back in. And you’re toasty.Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

I thought today how low self-esteem and not valuing your worth is the reason for a lot of the crazy things people do. There are people who create mirages of perfection online so that no one will see they aren’t perfect. There are people who manipulate you to like them by outright lying. And the bullyers are plopping their self-doubt on your head so they don’t have to look at it in their own hats. Nasty people, harassing people, and depressed people are all suffering from the same deficit of self-love. We know what this feels like so you’d think we’d be a little more compassionate?Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

But when you are staring at your own bleak walls, it’s awful hard to think of anyone else but yourself. And that makes me know that to be of any help in the world, I need to not be operating from this dark place anymore. I can not help the world or anyone else if I don’t have my inner room cleaned up and a little brighter. So I again go in to fight the good fight for truth and value, being my own super hero and asking for the world to mirror me the truth of my worth. Because I think mostly, we are all good and a little broken. And I respect your process to find a better place to be if you aren’t happy where you are.

Who’s with me and where are you? Do you have a problem valuing you too?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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