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What 2018 Taught Me

I felt like I was making great strides in growing myself last year, 2018. I was feeling more sure of what my creativity was giving me both personally and perhaps professionally. I offered up a Wholehearted Living piece to a writer friend’s blog. And I started to create my own theory on the inverse relationship of creativity and anxiety. I felt a rhythm was coming.

And then I suffered an anxiety setback that set me reeling. I abandoned my aspirations and hunkered down to ride out the storm. And I took myself to the doctor’s and asked for medicinal help. Because pain is your body telling you that it needs help.What 2018 Taught Me on Shalavee.com

Why had I waited so long, I asked the doctor. He said “Stigma”. I had made it my goal trying to prove that anxiety can be conquered by therapy and creativity. And I was admitting I was wrong. I felt defeated and yet, once I had the medication cooking, I felt the hope of perhaps finally moving from a stuck place. And 9 months later, I was right. I have grieved my ego loss and moved on to what was beyond. Possibilities don’t feel like burdens of tasks I’m unable to do but rather hopes for a fun future.

Last year taught me that you have to do whatever it takes to take care of yourself. You have to ask for help and sometimes, give up and do something different. And you are the only one who can make the best decisions for you. Even if those decisions are hard to make. Because I think the hardest part of making a decision is making the decision. After that it’s just following through and seeing what happens next.What 2018 Taught Me on Shalavee.com

My wish for 2018 for myself was for perspective, safety, joy, inspiration, value, chances, strength, hope, and comfort. And “to live within my creative zone often enough to keep me joyful, true to myself, and to be able to appreciate this action and the interaction with my fellow people who know the truth of me.” I’d say that I fulfilled most of those intentions and then some last year. I feel creatively satiated and held by a growing community and I am trusting that I will take care of me in the coming years.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Waiting for Creating

For a very long time, I had no permission to be myself. Seems silly considering there wasn’t anyone threatening my life if I created. But it felt like a NO No. A hidden shame. An act of treason and insanity. Artists are crazy. You can only create if you have some sort of degree in art. You can’t make money doing it. You will be stoned to death if they find out what you are thinking.

Waiting for Creating on Shalavee.com

These messages are deeply rooted in our history. We’re kept in check by fear of authenticity and failure. Our parents want us to be pragmatic and stay safe and they pass these inane messages onto us meaning well. We so quickly forget that we owe our existences to innovators and creators who stepped out of their boxes and found a new way to do everything.

I read a quote online from Stephi Wagner, MSW. She said, “Please don’t wait to ‘be healed’ to do your creating. Your creating is your healing.” She further says, “Creating is an act of self-care. Creating is an act of self-love. Creating is and act of self-healing. You deserve to create because you deserve care, love, healing”.

Waiting for Creating on Shalavee.com

How can any of us believe we are so unworthy as to not deserve self-healing, self-care, or self-love ? And yet here we are controlling and bullying and punishing ourselves by holding back out primary beings, our inner six year-old. They are joyful prolific beings who love to be and see themselves emerge. And they deserve all the love we are capable of coming up with.

So keep creating and caring for yourself in all the ways that make you feel loved. And I will too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Self Love Day

Valentine’s week is here. And I found myself considering what self-love meant to me. Undoubtedly we can not truly pay someone the attention and respect of love unselfishly if we do not have some to spare from our own hearts. But what does self-love look like at it’s best. And can we court or woo ourselves into liking us better?

Self-love is part care-taking and part self-compassion. It’s being a good parent and a gracious host.

I love myself when I eat good for me food I’m happy to eat and that’s yummy too.

I love myself when I spend time with my friends chatting and laughing.

I love myself when I go to the gym and get exercised.

I love myself when I listen to my aches and go to the doctor to check them out.

I love myself when I tell myself I can and I do.

I love myself when I pamper me with hairdos and pedicures and new slippers.

self love day on Shalavee.com

I love myself when I sit in front of the fire with my laptop and write.

I love myself when I choose to acknowledge something I’m good at rather than bad at.

I love myself when I figure out the tech to be able to listen to good music in the car.

I love myself when I commit to my creativity.

I love myself when I know I did a good job parenting today.

I love myself when I don’t overwhelm myself with too much to do.

I hope everyone has a Lovely Valentine’s day this week and that you shower yourself with intentional self-love too!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Embrace the Hedonistic Ways of Your 20’s

In my 20’s, there was a beauty supply outlet up the street from me. I bought my first bottle of henna there. And over the years, I collected, nay amassed, a pretty impressive array of lipsticks and nail polishes. I hoarded mud masks and liquid eyeliners and I was hedonistic heroine with a date to go somewhere every weekend.

Flash forward to today and self-care looks like deodorant, a root touch-up, and my bi-monthly pedicure by someone who I pay to touch my grody feet. Gone are the days of beauty laden afternoons with a Walkman playing my favorite Inxs cassette. There is no one to buy me a drink and check out my hot body at the singles bar.Embrace the Hedonistic Ways of Your 20's

Instead, I’ve got my comfy pants on and hair pulled back in a unbrushed pony knot while I consider whether I want to enjoy gluten on Friday night pizza and movie night or not. I am the first one and the last one my daughter sees every day and she often points out my saggy skin and crooked teeth. The mirror mirror on my wall isn’t telling me what I what to hear anymore.

Life can be determinedly unfun and I was thinking, maybe I need to get back to some of the more selfish practices that made my youth so carefree. Plan days where fun is the only objective. Or days where it’s just me I can think of. Free to Be Me days.Embrace the Hedonistic Ways of Your 20's

Coffee or lunch with a girlfriend always feels decadent. Manicures are so unnecessary until you get them. And even reading can feel like an absolute luxury. But what would my inner hedonistic 20 year old do? Get a facial and go dancing. A spontaneous road trip to visit an old friend for lunch? Or buy something completely frivolous and pretty just because.

No I’m not going to go pick up strange men in bars but I forget that I’m still a person inside this wife and mother’s body. And she may need to be repaid with more fun units on occasion. To remember how it was when I prioritized me before the small ones usurped my existence. To entertain the ridiculous whims of a hormonal 20 something and see what happens. To feel like, to know I’m a goddess and treat myself as much.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Thank You to Me

In an effort to regain the self-trust momentum I seem to have lost of recent, I thought I might take a moment to appreciate myself. Throw my humble self a slice of gratitude pie and see where it sticks. So here’s what I am grateful to myself for this past week.

Thank you for not judging my body and telling me I’m fat or imperfect.

Thank you for dressing me in comfortable clothing that also flatters me.

Thank you for taking me to the gym just enough to know I went this week.

Thank you for asking for support from your community when you were feeling wobbly. You let me see that many more people think the better of you than you think.

Thank you for making the appointment to see the doctor and ask for a little help despite the stigma of anxiety. Thank you for being my hero.

Thank you for making the soup and getting my eyebrows waxed and hair trimmed.

Thank you for letting me play and redecorate in my house with my stuff/toys to make it pretty for November.

Thank you for cleaning out the freezer and mopping the kitchen floor.

I will be exercising my gratitude muscle a little more this week of Thanksgiving. We all need a built-in excuse to be thankful every now and again.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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