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How Hard is it To Pay Yourself Some Respect?

I am suddenly at a place in my life where I realize that life is harder for all the respect I haven’t been asking for. I find myself irked because my kid doesn’t respect me. Or my husband takes me for granted. Or my Mother just expects I’ll do that thing for her. But I realize that it’s just me beginning to realize that up until now, that’s all been Okay.

Respect starts with self-respect, a boundary on what you will permit others to ask of you and what you feel you are willing to do. And while some women can allow their souls and boobs to be sucked dry everyday, others may not be able to comfortably give of ourselves that much.How Hard is it To Pay Yourself Some Respect? on Shalavee.com

As my boundaries have gotten firmer and I recognize what I honestly have the energy to do daily, I have become more selective about my yeses. And sometimes, the people who are used to receiving the Yeses, feel a little disgruntled at your no’s.

The best and most truthful phrase you can utter to people who have their own interests at heart and not yours, is, “I’m sorry that you feel that way, I have to do this for me”. Repeat this several times to make sure they’ve heard you and seen the disconnect in your eyes. Then watch them change their tactics. Then let me know it worked.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Self-care Sunday Thoughts

The rain has finally stopped and the blue skies are filled with cartoon exhaust clouds. My son’s friends are all happily yelling at the video game they are playing.

The smell of chili and banana bread permeate the house. Am trying to squelch the pain of my SI joint which has returned with Ibuprofen. And I’m trying to figure how best to continue engage in the impossible task of getting my Mother out of her house.

It keeps coming back to this. I wake in the morning and wonder what is the next best thing. I want to get her to where I can be nearby when inevitable disaster happens. I want to remove her from the hell she has created for herself. Of course, it’s the allure to save her. The same allure that had me dating and marrying my first husband. Dangerous booby trapped terrain that can never truly be traversed.Self-care Sunday Thoughts on Shalavee.com

Just like back in the beginning of the Coronavirus lockdown, my self-care has slipped. I haven’t exercised in a while. My writing time is non-existent. I finally dyed my white hair roots and felt immensely better. How do all of life’s details fall on the shoulders of the womenfolk? But in the shadow of seeing the state of my mom’s house, I’m even more hyper aware of the mess in my own home.

All I can do, as I’ve been saying, is to do the next right thing. Prioritize myself. Sorry that you feel that way but I need to do this for me. Stay connected to my communities and schedule some creative time.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Stay Strong and Let it Be OKay to Not Be OKay

At the bank today, I overheard a woman say “Stay Strong” and I said, “I prefer that to’stay safe’.” The teller said that the woman who said that was starting a campaign to promote mental health awareness and depression support through this time. And I said, “I can totally support that. I’m spreading Stay Strong”.

I am definitely affected by the weather, by my bodily and hormonal cycles, and by what I’ve heard or what has happened to me today. Some days I have the energy and some days I just don’t. It needs to be Okay to just not have it in me to do anything but read or sleep or go for a walk.

If I do not refill my well, I will not be able to take care of the others in my life. Taking care of these others is one of my number one jobs on this earth. But so is taking care of myself. I will do a lousy job of it if I am not at my best, if I don’t know that I have my own back.Stay Strong and Let it Be OKay to Not Be OKay on Shalavee.com

I am not the sort of person to be able to post daily quotes of inspiration. And I don’t always write in my journal to ground myself daily. But I do know that if it hurts, physically or mentally, I need help to make it stop hurting. And that absolutely everyone on the planet has fear. It’s how we deal with it that dignifies and honors us.

Tell anyone that you know, including yourself, that they are entitled to hurt and to be heard. And tell them to Stay Strong and that you are there as part of this strength. Compassion to all of us in this time of confusion and strain.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Pandemics Happen and then Everything Goes to CBD Oil

In the beginning of the year, I was doing pretty great. I was exercising regularly, losing my Christmas weight gain, writing an essay that I knew would be published, and had some routine going. And then the Pandemic happened. I didn’t implode immediately but the decline of my “self” life was inevitable.

I’ve spent a lifetime giving upon myself. It’s what I grew up with. I’m kinda not worth the effort. I then revert to taking care of others mode. It’s a pattern especially in Summer time. It’s easier to focus on all the household tasks and family needs then try to muster up the structure, time, and separation that I need to take care of me. I give up. It smacks of effort.

The result of this year with the increased pandemic induced anxiety and lack of deeper self-care, is that I’m not feeling my best. I’m heavier than I’ve ever been, out of shape, and can’t seem to initiate any routines. I’ve thought about them but I’m just not worth the effort.

Even with CBD gummies and anti-depressants, there’s no quick cure for low self-esteem. That is an ingrained concept of self that is a lifetime battle. I feel like the self-system that shows my worth with organization and priorities for my time and efforts for myself is knitted with yarn. And it’s unraveling is destined. Because that’s what I’ve decided.Pandemics Happen and then Everything Goes to CBD Oil on Shalavee.com

There’s no quick cure for this. Climbing out of this hole requires conscious effort. Support and witnessing. Intention and insight. These aren’t easily come by when you’ve spent a lifetime doing the opposite. And then I think of my daughter and what she needs to have modeled for her. And as much as I want to fall in a hole, that really isn’t an option.

I need to give her ways to show up for herself when she’s scared. I need to give her these with authority and knowing. I need to model what I didn’t have modeled for me. Because that’s part of what I am here to do. My destiny as it is, was handed to me when she was born. I can not stomach the idea of her giving up on herself.

And so I begin again within the constructs of what I am living. This morning as she sleeps, I write this confession. And know it means something.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Listless

Last week was like a test week for me, not that all the weeks haven’t tested me but it felt most certainly that way. I’ve just been unable to get enough separate time and that starts to eat away at my personality. I was feeling wobbly and sad last week. We had moment after moment of upset with the kids and I began to leak hope.

And then a woman on Instagram wrote that she now understood what the word “Listless” meant. I am without focus for myself. I have been so bust throughout this “crisis” making sure everyone else has been OK and taken care of that I just ran out of myself. An author named Anniki Sommerville wrote a book called Motherwhelmed which looks to be a funny and empowering read on the feelings of worthlessness that often accompany motherhood.listless on Shalavee.com

Towards my recovering and restoring myself, last week I dyed my roots and cut my bangs. And repainted my toenails. However, what I need is to truly demand more time being alone. That’s what energizes me. And reinstate my favorite boundary establishing phrase, “I’m sorry that you feel that way but I have to do this for me”. Used that to break up with the “boyfriend that wouldn’t leave”. I have also signed up for a week of a meditational exercise with Michelle GD that includes list making called Just Five Things. Looking forward to creating a new perspective and a new community.

The hardest part is to suspend the self-judgement. I need to start my exercise regiment back and that’s going to be inspired by the new running shoes that I ordered. One day at a time. That is how my 100 day project is progressing. And that is how we will get out of this 2020 debacle of pandemic craziness. Thoughtfully. Carefully. Determined.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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